(Closed) I feel unappreciated by my husband.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
Katie1992:  I know how you feel, trust me! I learned that my fiance really appreciates things that I say to him or do with him, rather than the things I do for him. I told him how our love languages are so different and what he could do to really help me feel appreciated and loved. So, we made compromises and adjusted a little! 

If you feel comfortable talking to your hubs about this, then I highly suggest doing so! Explain to him what you’re feeling and how you would feel if he did A, B, and C. 

Another way of going about it is to just STOP doing things for him and around the house! It will get messy and frustrating, trust me, but once he see’s that you haven’t done the things that you usually do for him and your home, he’ll be like, “wow, I had no idea that she maintained it so well and I never acknowledged it.” May give him a whole new perspective!

Good luck! xoxo

Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Advice – Say everything you just said to HIM! It’s such a healthy, normal issue for two people that letting it go without addressing it isn’t worth the resentment. It’s obvious you both love and respect eachother, so trust him to understand where you’re coming from. He wouldn’t want you to feel that way. And I’m sure once he understands that it’s happening, he’ll express his appreciation for you more.

Post # 4
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your post is perfect. Say it all, every last detail to your DH. He needs to learn that you are not a maid service he gets to just expect . DH and I agree that key to a healthy marriage is THANKFULNESS. He and I practice appreciation daily. It is essential to a happy life full of compassion and care between partners! He, quite frankly, is taking the P.I.S.S

Post # 5
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

I would personally stop doing some of the work around the house and once he realizes how much you really do he will appreciate you.  Also do you really need to do his laundry? Me and DH each do our own laundry it works very well, I really don’t enjoy doing anyone elses’ laundry (even DH) and I feel perfectly capable of doing my own.  We’ve never had a problem. 

We als try to share household chores, he does most of the cooking, i do the clean up afterwards, that sort of thing.  It does make things a bit easier. good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

have you read/looked into the Five Love Languages book/materials?

DH and I have two very different love languages… DH’s is receiving gifts. Mine is acts of service. If how you express and receive love differs, he could be looking for a different demonstration from you that youre not showing (and vice versa!). 

For example, I feel really loved when DH works on our kitchen renovation without my asking or my help. He feels really loved when I pick up a pair of shoes he’s been eyeing for no special occasion.

I’d encourage you to look into 5LL and get a better idea! 🙂

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

Tell him how you feel. He won’t know and will assume nothing is wrong if you don’t let him know. Men aren’t mind readers. Also, stop picking up after him and doing his laundry, he has proven he is capable of doing it himself.

Post # 8
Member
907 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Katie1992:  This is not acceptable.  Especially if he knows how to appreciate another man’s wife.  Talk to him. If he still doesn’t appreciate,  then flip the script. 

Post # 9
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

I had some experience with this not to the extent that you did but he wasn’t helping as much as I would like so I gave him two choices:

Hire a cleaner

or

Clean up after himself

In the mean time don’t do HIS laundry I understand the other things not getting done would effect you but the clothes will only effect him. When he runs out of clean underwear he might get the hint you are not a maid.

 

Post # 10
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I would really sit down and talk to your husband. Check out the book love and respect. It has helped my marriage quite a bit. 

Post # 11
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
BeachBee1988:  yep what she said. The 5 love languages will help him see that you’re expressing your love differently and make you see that you could learn to speak his. And vice versa.

Post # 12
Member
3027 posts
Sugar bee

STOP doing all the chores yourself.  

RESIST the temptation to follow him around picking things up. (Gravity is there for a reason.)

DON’T expect housework perfection but settle for equality.

DO the chores together – it’s much more efficient.

CHANGE the black furniture to something that doesn’t show the dust.  

STOP vacuuming/sweeping multiple time a week. Are you mad?  This isn’t necessary unless you are having building work done or you’re in the middle of a hurricane.  

IF the dog is causing the mess have it clipped and if necessary vacuum it.  (Ditto husband.) Instigate rules that dog has its feet wiped on a towel before it comes into the house. (Ditto husband.)

BUY husband video – of how to cook and do housework.

BUY yourself lacy negligee to swan around in.

DEMAND diamond jewellery for Christmas.

EXPLORE the possibility of hiring a cleaner.

HIRE a small office or even a desk space so that you don’t work from home any more.

TAKE up an exciting hobby to get you out of the house.

STOP being a perfectionist and make sure you don’t have OCD.  (I’m a little worried about you.)

REMEMBER that a MESSY HOUSE = a CREATIVE MIND.

 

Post # 13
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

You should read the book Why Men Love Bitches. You can buy a second hand copy on Ebay for 5-6 dollars…it’ll change your life

Post # 14
Member
4063 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
Katie1992:  True story: my mom was also the one to do all of the cleaning, and was constantly picking up after my dad. One day she just got fed up with it. She started collecting all of the stuff he didn’t put away – wrappers that he didn’t throw in the trash, socks he left on the floor, etc – and she put them in a box. After a week or 2, she dumped all of the things into his favorite chair (he was not sitting in it at the time, lol) When he got home he said “What’s all of this??” And she said “It’s all of the crap you left around the house for the past week. I thought you’d like to put it away.” After that, he got much better about picking up after himself lol!

Post # 15
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Forward to him! Not just part, every word. He needs to know exact examples and your post is great at stating how u feel, how certain situations have made you feel and how you love and appreciate him too. 

“I’d like to speak to you about how I’ve been feeling lately, I wrote it down for clarity- please read this”

maybe it’s just me But My husband responds better to reading over a discussion or heated argument.

 

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