I feel uncomfortable telling my bridesmaids that they need to pay for the dress

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I agree with you, I also felt weird asking my BM’s to pay for their dresses, although I chose something under $100 so it wouldn’t put too much strain on them financially. I am paying for their hair and makeup and also getting them gifts.. looking back I wish I would have paid for their dresses instead, and said that pro hair and makeup was optional and their choice to pay for, would have saved me a lot of money haha

Post # 32
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

I live in the US and I always found it weird that BM’s pay for their own dress. I would honestly rather have the bride pitch in for the dress rather than pay for my hair and makeup. Maybe talk to them and see if this is what they would prefer too? I mean honestly we’ve been doing our hair and makeup for years at this point so I’m sure we’re kind of pro’s when it comes to doing it ourself. 

Post # 33
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

I second this xx06003 : ; have them do their own hair and make-up, and contribute to the cost of the dress instead. 

Post # 34
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

JBJ2017 :  in response to btob17 :’s  post I always thought that the reason why americans had so many bridemaids was because they didn’t have to pay for it all.

If bridemaids were free i’d have loads as well! But a bride having to buy a dress, hair, a present etc, really makes you think who you want standing by your side on your big day. Only your closest friends. We are also on a tight budget and paying for the wedding ourselves.

I’m making these girls where a dress of my choosing, which they will probably never wear again, they also may be shelling out for a hotel room, transport, coming on the hen do. Why should they have to spend hundreds of pounds on attending my wedding?

But in response to your original post, I personally would feel extremely uncomfortable, but I dont’ think you have anything to worry about, Americans do this all the time. Its the norm.

Post # 35
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

munchkinbee :  What makes you think UK Bees have loads of money to pay for all these dresses! We have to make cut backs elsewhere to pay for them because its rude to ask them to buy a dress that they didnt’ choose and will never wear again. Its rude in the UK anyway.

Post # 36
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Contribute to the dresses instead of hair and make up, I think most people would prefer they didn’t have to buy a dress they d never wear again and sort their own hair and make up. 

I m a uk bee and didn’t feel right asking my bridesmaids to contribute anything so I ve been honest and explained what I can afford dress wise and am letting them choose whatever they re comfortable with in budget to wear, I don’t even feel right insisting on any more than between a few colour options for the dresses. 

Post # 37
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

futuremrsbennett95 :  Same here about feeling bad about only giving them a few colour options!

I feel so bad even dictating them a general style (Long, matching and within a certain range of colours), to then ask for money as well!!

Post # 38
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

wellswed9 :  totally agree. Our bridesmaids dresses (we had 5) cost like £1100. Then there’s the bouquets and gifts on top which cost another £600. Had we not been able to afford it we’d have either had fewer, or else asked them to wear something they already owned (or, picked cheaper dresses lol). 

Post # 39
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

I’m from the UK so obviously paying for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses is the norm to me, but I cannot wrap my head around any argument for the Bridesmaid or Best Man paying themselves!

‘I couldn’t afford 6 dresses’ ‘it’s not in the budget’ just do not cut it for me.  Bridesmaids should be your absolute nearest and dearest and if you can’t find the money for their dresses then you either pick a different dress or you have less bridesmaids.  I absolutely think paying for the dresses of the close friends you have asked to stand with you should come above a bride’s ‘vision’ for her bridal party. 

Post # 40
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

wellswed9 :  I ve said I d prefer anything in any shade of purple or silver but otherwise I m leaving it to them to pick whatever they like . If I wasn’t paying (I probably wouldn’t have bridesmaids in that situation anyway) I d be happy with whatever they wanted dress wise.

I guess there can be quite a culture difference in weddings here compared to the us.

 

Post # 41
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

JBJ2017 : the dress isn’t the only thing you are asking of them. Aren’t they buying you engagement gifts shower gifts wedding gifts paying for your shower your batcherlorette party traveling to you wedding?

Post # 42
Member
85 posts
Worker bee

JBJ2017 :  My favorite bride friends are the brides that pick one color and then ask all bridesmaids to pick whatever dress they want as long as it’s the same fanciness level and same color family. I think varying tones of blush pink or gray can look quite pretty and that way, they are paying for their own and just text photos for “approval.” Win / win!

Post # 43
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee

I let my bridesmaids pick together which dress they wanted, and the price of the one they chose was pretty reasonable (around $100). It’s a normal thing here for a bridesmaid to buy her own dress. If I were going to the wedding of a close friend, I might buy a new dress for the wedding anyway. I would have no problem paying for my own bridesmaid dress. I was able to just send them the link to buy it though, so it was a lot less awkward than requesting payment. 

Post # 44
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I am UK and have 6 Bridesmaids, who I am buying dresses, hair, make up and gifts. I would think it rude to ask them to pay BUT I can respect that different cultures have different expectations and etiquette. Lots of US bees get upset at the UK having evening guests and evening cash bars (I’m not, but they’re common here). That’s ridiculous too. Can’t we all just respect that different countries have different ways of doing things?

OP – as long as you’ve checked their budget with them and the dress you’ve chosen is respectful of it, don’t worry. Just send the info, and perhaps add “any problems let me know”. 

Post # 45
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

liaeona :  that’s actually a good point TBF. I usually buy a new outfit for weddings, and with a hat, bag etc it can really add up! 

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