I feel uncomfortable telling my bridesmaids that they need to pay for the dress

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 76
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I felt the same way – super awkward even though it was expected and understood. You just gotta grin and bear it! Don’t write anything apologizing for the cost or anything, that just makes it awkward for them. In person you can make a comment to acknowledge that you really appreciate what they are doing and the cost.

When I was a bridesmaid recently I could tell the bride felt that way too and I just kept a smile on my face and made it clear paying was no big deal.

Post # 77
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

I’m from NZ and some brides buy their Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and some ask their BMs to buy their own dresses. 

I personally think it’s a little bit too much to ask your BMs to pay for their dresses that the bride has chosen. I didn’t have much in budget but was able to find cute dresses for the BMs and was able to pay for their hair and makeup (as I wanted everyone to get ready together with me by the same HMUA) and gifts. But at the end, different countires have different etiquettes. As long as you are overstepping them, I think it’s fine.

 

OP, it sounds like you are from US where it is norm for the BMs to pay for their own dresses, and from your previous posts, you have mentioned that you have discussed the price range with your BMs. If that is the case, I don’t see what the trouble is asking your BMs to buy your their dresses. Why don’t you arrange a date with your BMs to actually try the dress on and see if they like what they will be wearing? I think it would be less awkward if they have an opportunity to try the dress on.

Post # 80
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

JBJ2017 :  Don’t even listen to half the UK brides. They do things that US brides consider rude but it’s not as rude as our customs because”reasons”. 

Post # 81
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

JBJ2017 :  I am American. Gifts are expected unless you want to look cheap or classless. In my mind they arent optional. Even without all of these extras like the shower, its still 100 bucks that I would be unhappy spending. How do you know they love the dress and aren’t pretending? Everyone says they love the bridesmaids dress to not hurt the bride and complains to their coworkers that they have to shell out money for a bridesmaids dress. I would buy a dress to make someone happy but I wouldnt be happy about it. I would suck it up say I love it and then give the dress away. I would take one for the team but would never do that to someone else as a bride. I mean maybe if it wear a basic black tank dress or a long simple dress that I could shorten or use for work? What does it look like? I just think asking people to buy a dress is saying “please drop 100 bucks on me” plus they are giving a gift. Its hard to get out of being a bridesmaid without a huge hashout in my opinion. I once tried to say no because I was a student without money and had to not be friends with the bride because it was meltdown central.

Post # 82
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee

JBJ2017 :  I didn’t read all the responses. But in a U.S.wedding the bridesmaids pay for their dresses. That’s the way it is and it’s expected. Then when they get married, same deal. It’s optional to accept the honor of being a bridesmaid. Plus if you are cognizant everyone’s budget then you should be good.

I asked each of my girls what they would be comfortable paying and one find a deal better than I found and that wad cool too. 

I did feel weird asking them to wear a certain color and but certain dresses but in the end everyone was fine with it. 

Post # 83
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee

Sorry for typos, dang. 

Post # 86
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

JBJ2017 :  that’s fair. Everyone is different. post a pic if it’s really  amazing maybe I will suggest it to someone. 

Post # 87
Member
8440 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

JBJ2017 :  Why not just let them wear a dress they already have?  I personally wouldn’t be able to make my bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, it’d just feel weird to me.  I suppose there are lots of people that do it though.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors