- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
I wanted to vent about this here because my fiance doesn’t really see it. We were raised in families that have different expectations and his brother married someone that fits their expectations better. His family does like me, they just find decisions we make strange and seem to think this is from me being raised differently since he was raised with his brother who believes like they do. This is not a post saying their views are wrong because I believe it’s everyone’s choice. I just feel like it’s weird to everyone that I look at things differently. First, the wedding. My mom knows how much she has to spend. His brother though only spent $1,000 or less on his wedding which was fine for them, they just wanted to get to the starting a family part and she’s not really the type of person I picture always wanting a wedding type wedding. But since we’re spending more (probably $7,000 max) all I ever hear when I show our ideas is “Isn’t that too expensive? You could spend less like they did and be fine”. So that’s one thing. And then I want to go to grad school, which requires me to move because the two degrees I’m considering are specific, and have a career with a family in there. She’s kept his brother right down the road and they’ve gotten married and had a kid within two and a half years (we’ll be together over 5 years at the point of the wedding). I’ve heard multiple times “Why can’t you just stay closer? What about family?” when fiance agrees he wants to move somewhere new because he has his own career to start, but it’s being put on me influencing him. And I love my soon to be nephew and held him a lot this weekend to bond with him since I never see him. But all I heard from his parents was “Don’t you like how holding a baby feels? Wouldn’t you want one soon?” which comes from us saying we’d like to at least wait until we’re 25 (we’re 22 now), maybe a little later if my grad school is on a good track. It also doesn’t help that his brother’s wife doesn’t spend a lot of time with her family and I make sure our time is 50/50. This comes off as us not wanting to see his family. My mom is paying for a nice rental house or condo for our wedding for me to get ready in and us to stay in. She’s staying with us and the wedding night may stay there while we go somewhere else. But my fiance said it seemed to upset his parents that we weren’t staying with them in a beach house (there are many reasons we’re not – time, money, etc). This is just a vent. I’m not saying his family is wrong but I wish it wouldn’t seem to be portrayed that it’s weird that I was raised differently and want/believe in different things. And it doesn’t help that while I’ve been told they like me better because we’re more solid together, she’s not as opinionated, willing to spend almost every second with their family, and follows the path of getting to a big family and not moving away from everyone. It just gets frustrating to hear how they don’t get why I do things.