I felt humiliated by MIL and husband :(

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

rainbowduckie :  Easy solution… Combine your fiances like real married people… 

I’m a “real married person”, and Mr H and I do not combine our finances.  What works for you may not work for others.

Post # 63
Member
2384 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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is102017 :  Have you tried talking to your husband again?

 

Do you think your Mother-In-Law is honestly under the impression you are being supported by your husband financially and he went along with it to make himself look big in front of her?

Post # 65
Member
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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rainbowduckie :  Oh, FFS, this is incredibly rude and closed-minded. Joint finances do not make or break a marriage. People do. And there are countless ways for couples to build and maintain a healthy financial habits, with or without joint accounts. Having a joint account is not the end-all/be-all. 

OP, I’m sorry your Mother-In-Law and husband were disrespectful with their comments. Please have an open discussion with your spouse about finances, who contributes what, etc. and make sure both of you understand each other’s expenses, savings goals, debts, etc. That way, no one feels less-than or taken advantage of. And don’t share that info with anyone else, especially Mother-In-Law. Good luck. 

Post # 67
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

This was very inappropriate and rude of Mother-In-Law to mention that, or really anything about your finances. How/why does she even know about how you split your money? But, in this situation, I would be more upset with my husband than Mother-In-Law. I would explain to him that while he may say they were joking, it made you feel inferior and downright shitty. My fiance and I split things proportionally as well, myself being the significantly larger contributor, being that he’s in school and only able to work part time, and I know I sometimes say things that are condescending, as it pertains to myself being the bigger contributor and I truly don’t mean it in that way, and I feel terrible every time. If it’s the Mother-In-Law you’re upset with though, I’d say that the moment to speak up has passed. If it ever came up again I wouldn’t hesitate to say something.

Post # 69
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Ohhhhh boy. Don’t have much advice except if I were you I would never, ever, ever become a Stay-At-Home Mom in this marriage, bee. If this is how they think now, when you’re financially independent, IMAGINE how much they would view you as an absolute leech if you weren’t.  I bet my whole year’s salary they won’t see the chores, the raising of the kids, the support and companionship you give their son…as real contributions. 

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