Post # 61
rainbowduckie : Easy solution… Combine your fiances like real married people…
I’m a “real married person”, and Mr H and I do not combine our finances. What works for you may not work for others.
Post # 62
Thanks for your words, bee. But I AM financially independent from my husband. And as far as I know, that’s actually a good thing. Historically speaking, women have gotten screwed over by their husbands from whom they’ve depended financially. I married because I wanted to, not because I needed to. I cannot control my Mother-In-Law from thinking I “brag” about my financial independence (if that’s the case), but I’ll feel prideful about being able to sustain myself for as long as I can.
Post # 63
Have you tried talking to your husband again?
Do you think your Mother-In-Law is honestly under the impression you are being supported by your husband financially and he went along with it to make himself look big in front of her?
Post # 64
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, bee. I dont’t see how my Mother-In-Law making that comment to me suddenly suggests I *brag* about being financially independet. My Mother-In-Law is a women with a very successful career (even more sucessful than my father in law’s), so of all women I thought she’d appreciate the fact that I, in fact, don’t need
her son and that I actually married him out of love (and not for any financial benefit).
Post # 65
Oh, FFS, this is incredibly rude and closed-minded. Joint finances do not make or break a marriage. People do. And there are countless ways for couples to build and maintain a healthy financial habits, with or without joint accounts. Having a joint account is not the end-all/be-all.
OP, I’m sorry your Mother-In-Law and husband were disrespectful with their comments. Please have an open discussion with your spouse about finances, who contributes what, etc. and make sure both of you understand each other’s expenses, savings goals, debts, etc. That way, no one feels less-than or taken advantage of. And don’t share that info with anyone else, especially Mother-In-Law. Good luck.
Post # 66
Thanks for all of your input, bee! I sincerely appreciate your insight 🙂 I haven’t brought up the discussion again because I’m not ready. There’s a lot going on emotionally for me and I want to be ready to be able to talk about what I feel in the best way possible. Like many of you here said, I’m now wondering about how much he shares with his parents about our marriage, how he really feels about my finances, and etc. It’s a lot. The biggest thing though, I feel foolish that I didn’t master up the courage to say something in that moment.
Post # 67
This was very inappropriate and rude of Mother-In-Law to mention that, or really anything about your finances. How/why does she even know about how you split your money? But, in this situation, I would be more upset with my husband than Mother-In-Law. I would explain to him that while he may say they were joking, it made you feel inferior and downright shitty. My fiance and I split things proportionally as well, myself being the significantly larger contributor, being that he’s in school and only able to work part time, and I know I sometimes say things that are condescending, as it pertains to myself being the bigger contributor and I truly don’t mean it in that way, and I feel terrible every time. If it’s the Mother-In-Law you’re upset with though, I’d say that the moment to speak up has passed. If it ever came up again I wouldn’t hesitate to say something.
Post # 69
Ohhhhh boy. Don’t have much advice except if I were you I would never, ever, ever become a Stay-At-Home Mom in this marriage, bee. If this is how they think now, when you’re financially independent, IMAGINE how much they would view you as an absolute leech if you weren’t. I bet my whole year’s salary they won’t see the chores, the raising of the kids, the support and companionship you give their son…as real contributions.