(Closed) I finally have a timeline, but there’s a new problem.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wish I could give some advice but I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!

I moved in with my SO in November…but for a long time I said I wasnt moving in with him until we were engaged and he said he wasnt proposing until we lived together first. LOL  But it made sense to move in together since both of our leases were up at the same time and I thought that would make it come sooner.  Still waiting though!!

I also have a big procrastinator so I totally sympathize! 

Hoping your proposal comes soon ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
588 posts
Busy bee

I’m in sort of the same situation. We moved into an apartment that’s super cheap rent so we are staying here to save money before we BUY a home. But I won’t sign ANYTHING until I have a ring on my hand. I think apartment leases are ok.

You aren’t actually purchasing something. And I have seen many couples that live together and he’s actually got the ring in hand, but is feeling too much pressure to propose right away, cause he wants it to be perfect.

I would say stay living with him. Have you been together for about a year and a half? You still have plenty of time! =) 

I have a friend who live with her man for 3.5 years before she got a ring!

Post # 5
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@Black-Eyed-Susan: I think there is nothing wrong with your thought process. And there is nothing wrong with straight up telling him that once your lease together is up you will be moving out if you aren’t engaged. Let him know that you respected his wishes enough to allow the both of you to live together to test out your compatibility and once that is over he needs to respect your desire to not get caught up in a lease with someone who isn’t your fiance. Let him know you understand that life happens and things get delayed. But if you arent engaged or there aren’t very serious plans for it to happen soon you will move out.

I mean. Say it nicely of course. ๐Ÿ™‚ But there is nothing wrong with that plan so long as you don’t make it sound like a malicious ultimatum.

Post # 6
493 posts
Helper bee

I think a year is definitely enough time. I will say that if no proposal by the end of the lease. Move. That’s my opinion. There is no reason why you can’t still be together and live seperately. Just inform him that you feel like he’s had enough time “to make sure we could live with each other before we got married”. Now the lease is up you don’t feel comfortable with signing another one until you are at least engaged. Just like you have to be understanding to his feelings he needs to be understanding to yours. I’m saying this from experience and I wish I would have done it. SO and I have lived together for 2 1/2 years. Together almost 4 (our 4 year anniversary is in August) and if we aren’t engaged by then we are definitely going to be living seperately. Period. It’s a hard thing to do when you’ve gotten into a rhythm of living together but it may make you feel better in the end. Don’t give ultimatiums, no pressure. Just know what you want to do and do it. I wouldn’t say anything else about it for a while. Then maybe 60+ days before lease expiration you should let him know your intentions and thoroughly explain why.

Post # 7
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Tell him what you told us.

Post # 8
272 posts
Helper bee

Um yeah… what about what you want?  Timelines come and go for a lot of ladies, so don’t get swept up in counting down the days.  Sometimes guys like to say something to quell the engagement talk, and that’s probably not such a bad thing, but does it have to be exactly a year?  Will he know in 9 months if it’s meant to be?  Personally, I think so.  I feel like the roles that you will each have will fall into place pretty readily and that you’ll know if it’s working or not.  I have been in a situation where it truly didn’t work out, and I’m glad that I had that trial period to learn that it wasn’t meant to be.  With my boyfriend of two years, I have lived with him for almost the entire time and I know that it works.  We have everything worked out, there is give and take and we pay all of our bills together and have a life and puppies and have bought furniture and all. 

Post # 10
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@Black-Eyed-Susan:  “His exact words were “what’s the difference if we get engaged and wait 2 years to get married or wait a year to get engaged and then wait another year to get married? It’s the same thing.” But it isn’t to me.”

Maybe you should try explaining this to him.  If it really is all the same to him, why would it be such a big deal to propose?  If he really knows how you feel, he should at least try to compromise.

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