(Closed) I find hanging out with my friends tiring

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
967 posts
Busy bee

Take a deep breath. every college student has a full plate. My friends who are getting their bachelors have a full plate. It’s nice and important to maintain friendships but it’s important to have some down time. Life gets busy and your friend needs to understand that you can’t see her all the time. I’m lucky just to see my friends once a year or maybe twice a year. You need to tell your friend that she’s very important in your life and that you care about her but you have a full plate right now. Maybe arrange something once or twice a year where you can meet up and hang out with your friends aka one on one or group gatherings. Maybe instead of hanging out a lot arrange a time to Skype her or FaceTime her if you have a iPhone. I have a good friend who is long distance but we skype about once a month depending on the semester. I am in a similar boat as you with time management only you manage your time better then I do. another suggestion could be once a month you guys arrange to have a phone convo night and use that as time to catch up. Hope this helps. 

Post # 4
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@vortex:  Be happy your friends ask to see you at all. Eventually they will stop asking.

Post # 6
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@StephieBee:  +1


@vortex:  A movie wont be there to support you when something bad happens in your life.

Post # 7
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


I agree with this too.

Even though you are tired make sure you make time for them! You won’t be in school for forever and pretty soon things will change. I made sure during my masters degree I made time for friends (while balancing jobs, volunteering, wedding planning, being in 2 other wedding parties, and seeing family). Many of my classmates did not make as much time for their friends. I didn’t want to be left standing alone with a masters degree and no friends to celebrate with. 

Post # 8
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Your friends need to respect your “pace” in the friendship just as much as you respect theirs. In the end, the slower pace more or less will be the pace, and those who need to socialize more will have other friends to fill the other times.

You sound like you’ve been working so hard to keep all the plates spinning and never say no to anything or anyone. This isn’t working. You do need to say no to your friends. In a kind and gentle way, but no, nonetheless. I suggest you gently and warmly explain that although they mean the world to you, you are simply burning the candle at both ends and don’t have as much time or energy right now to be as social as you’ve been in the past.If you’ve never raised the issue before, express awareness that you know you’ve “brought this on yourself” by saying yes to more than you should have (in other words, don’t blame them for asking to see you so often if they have had no clear reason to believe that that would be a burden on you).

Make it clear that THEY MATTER very much to you, but that your pace MUST be respected.

I assume that they are as good friends to you as you are to them, so while there may be an adjustment period, they will understand.

Post # 9
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I love hanging out with my friends – it doesn’t happen often, so it’s fun and exciting and we get up to all sorts of cool things! Having said that, I find it exhausting – I’m pretty busy most of the time, plus I’m an introvert, so even just the relatively minor social interaction with my colleagues at work is tiring; make it a weekend with my friends constantly talking, laughing, partying…sure it’s fun, but I’m bloody tired by the end of it!

I think it’s normal to find it tiring – some people feel energised after being around others, other people feel drained afterwards and need alone time to recharge. You just need to find that balance where you’ve got the time with your friends, time to yourself, and time to everything else you’ve got going on (easier said than done, I know!)

Post # 10
708 posts
Busy bee

You sound like an introvert with more extroverted peers.

There’s nothing wrong with that. However, if these relationships are important to you, I think some introspection will help you to understand that as rejuvenating as undemanding time is for you, social time is for your friends.

If you think of it as a problem with them that they have fewer things competing for their time or that they are annoying for trying to make plans with you, the relationships will be short-lived.

You don’t have to please everyone. If you can communicate to these friends that you can only hang out every so often, I’ll bet they would be receptive. They can’t respect your needs if they don’t know what they are, afterall!

This link has been making the rounds on Facebook lately. Now, I don’t necessarily think that introverts should all be treated as delicate flowers — we have to be responsible for our side of relationships, too — but it’s an illustration of how individuals have different social priorities.

Post # 11
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vortex:  I totally get you, I have this problem too. I’m seriously exhausted when I get home from work and then my free time is spent running errands, making plans or appointments. You need “me” time to recharge your batteries. There is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you let your friends know that you aren’t pushing them away or flaking out. A good friend will understand. 

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