I found out on Tuesday that my (now ex) fiance is a pedophile. I need help.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
27 posts

I am so sorry you have to experience this awful situation.

You have to call the police and report him. It’s a difficult time but you need to be strong for yourself, the current girls he’s victimixing, and his potential future victims. 

If there is any positives in this you caught him while it was still only Internet conact. Eventually he would have moved to meeting young girls in person. You have essentially saved those girls. They may never know it but you do. 

Post # 32
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

redburn :  

I too was the victim of childhood sexual abuse.  Thank you for your courage in speaking out and making the effort to protect those precious children.

It is my hope that the OP will find the strength to contact the police.

Post # 33
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Report that sorry excuse of a man to the police.

It will only escalate.

Post # 34
392 posts
Helper bee

Omg, honey I can’t even imagine! I am so sorry that this happened to you. 

Please don’t blame yourself for still thinking that you care. You did the right thing. You left. Sending you love and good thoughts. 

Post # 35
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Devastating. You made the right move by ending it. This isn’t going to be easy for you. But at least you found out now.

Post # 36
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Holy sh*t.

I can’t believe this has happened to you. This is truly disturbing. 

Please, please, please PLEASE call the police, or go down to the station: please save some poor girl’s life. Who knows what he has done or how many girls he had contacted. Please save them from this man. Don’t stay silent, a sickness like his only gets worse, talking will or probably already have, lead to more disturbing behavior with minors. 

Please, please PLEASE get some help for yourself. This is a traumatic event. Do whatever you can do to protect yourself from this man, police escort to gather your belongings, take your family and friends, whatever. And find a trusted therapist to help you cope with what is happening. 

Sending many hugs and well wishes for you bee. I am so glad you are doing the right thing. 

Post # 37
321 posts
Helper bee

dachmomma :  I’m sorry you are going through this because it’s ALOT! But first of all him saying he will comfort you if you take him back is MANIPULATION! He is trying to sucker you back in and I’m sure he will do more things into making you feel guilty so you can stay with him, don’t fall for it! Always remember you are strong and you are not the same woman you were before therapy etc. It is going to be hard because he created this whole different life with you but time will heal your heart and you will find someone better. Just think of this as a wake up call, could you have imagine finding this out after you married him & had kids! He would have had fantasy about your kids friends etc. Please report him because like you said this is real life for those girls, stuff like this happens everyday for girls and sometimes perverts like him make fantasy into reality so do those girls a favor and report him before it’s to late!

Post # 38
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

You are strong and confident.  Your actions show that,  even if it’s hard for you to believe with how you feel right now.  Please don’t go back to your place alone.  Bring a friend who’s not afraid to be assertive and get in and out as fast as you can.  

One day it won’t feel as raw and jagged as it does now.  Thank you for not compromising. You and all those young girls deserve better. 

Post # 39
1259 posts
Bumble bee

dachmomma :  

I am sorry you found yourself in this type of situation.

I had a similar experience, however it was with my husband’s roommate. I ended up doing a google search for his name with his at the time girlfriend because she thought he was cheating on her. Turns out he had been charged with blackmailing a minor into having sex with him & having child pornography three years prior. 

Honestly, he wasn’t allowed to be around kids and he was.

She left him, but the feeling I got whenever I saw him made my stomach churn.

I would report it to the police. If you don’t chances are this will get worse and it would be horrible if he ends up doing something horrible.

Post # 40
244 posts
Helper bee

dachmomma :  I’m so sorry this happened to you.  I understand that feeling of worthlessness but please know that you are not.  Everyone deserves love, commitment and honesty. Your ex “s inability to provide that is his own.  You were strong enough to end it because a lot of women wouldn’t have.  Take solace in that strength.  Keep the things that were wonderful about your relationship in your heart because they were real for you and for him.  Keep the child pedo stuff right where. It belongs in his lap. God bless,  things can only get better. 

Post # 41
365 posts
Helper bee

I agree w what others said about notifying the police, telling your friends and family, and making a clean break and never being alone w him again or talking to him again.

OP, I also want to say that leaving him and breaking it off would be the best thing to do even if pedophilia wasn’t involved and he “only” had a double-life with all of these other women. You say that you think you could’ve worked through that. Why? Your ex was buying multiple women expensive gifts even when he was proposing to you and having celebrations w you and telling you that he couldn’t afford to buy you things. You should never be okay building a life w someone who can lie to you so well and so easily about leading a secret double life with so many women (even if the children weren’t involved). That is not okay and it isn’t something you could’ve “worked through” with him bc he obviously wants to have multiple ongoing relationships w college girls and spoiling them while at the same time pretending to build a monogamous stable life with you. That is what he wants. Nothing to work through or move past.

My ex hoped that I was sexy and amazing enough to keep him from meeting strangers (including men) for sex – he thought that, if anybody could keep him from doing that, it would be me. I am spectacularly sexy and amazing, but that isn’t enough to make anybody straight or to make anybody happy in monogamy. Your ex’s issues are his alone and have nothing to do w you.

Post # 42
453 posts
Helper bee

dachmomma :  You are worthy. You are strong. You will get through this.


Sending you virtual hugs. 

Post # 43
365 posts
Helper bee

You might want to google chumplady – she has some great resources for ppl who’ve been cheated on. It doesn’t fit your complete situation, but it’s a start.

Post # 44
168 posts
Blushing bee

Any updates? Did you call the police?

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