(Closed) I found something FI had written in a notebook…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 151
2864 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
zl27:  You need to choose better men imo…like, seriously.  I have brothers, uncles, a father, and I grew up a tomboy around tons of men who DONT do this. No one is saying men and women dont fantasize about other people at times but it takes it to another level when you wish it as a reality and even to the point where you feel you have to write it down.

True Story.

Post # 152
2864 posts
Sugar bee

‘Wish it as a reality with someone you are in everyday contact with’

Post # 153
2769 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I have huge amounts of anxiety at times. It can be super overwhelming. But I’ve got to be honest, it’s never going to come out as me writing down sex fantasies about someone nearby because:

a) I’d have anxiety someone would see it and I would be worse off

b) focusing on what’s right in front of you is a great coping strategy (my notes from university where I was feeling anxious are excellent) 

c) even at my worst/most anxious, I try my hardest to not hurt the people around me.

What I’m trying to say is, anxiety issues and asshole issues are not the same thing and while your partner may suffer from the former, he definitely also has the latter.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by babeba.
Post # 154
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I can’t even get through all these comments…

If he’s in his late 20’s speaking of a college classmate, this girl could possibly be only 18 years old and that makes it even ickier to me.

To everyone saying she snooped: no, she didn’t lol.

To everyone saying “all guys are like this”: no, they aren’t lol. I have a lot of guy friends. They don’t hold back around me and openly have “guy talk”. None of my friends or my husband would ever say (let alone write) something so vulgar about an unsuspecting young woman. Maybe I just associate with more respectful men than the rest of you?

Post # 155
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Goodness people… If my fiancé wrote that and then treated me like that, that would be obvious BIG GIANT RED FLAGS just waving in my face. No, it’s not normal. No, it’s not “most guys”. Despite what type of men some of you people have in your life, there’s men that are actually respectful, loyal and kind to the women they love.

Post # 156
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I have to agree with other PPs.

This situation would make me extremely uncomfortable and saying it’s axiety is just an excuse that’s he using so he can get away with it. I don’t know a single guy who would write that. Yes men have fantasies, as do women. But that’s all they are, fantasies. They live in your head. You shouldn’t be writing them down in a notebook where anybody could see. 

Post # 157
2956 posts
Sugar bee

The idea that he controls his anger and anxiety by fantasting about bending over a woman and f’ing her and that it is such an issue that he has to write it down is creepy as hell to me. Hopefully that isn’t what he thinks at all and he just made up an excuse because unforutnately, the excuse he made up sounds like a scene from Law and Order SVU.

Post # 158
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

His excuse is almost as bad as what he wrote in the first place.

I personally think its bs and a slap in the face to people who actually suffer from anxiety.. But, to each their own!

Post # 159
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

View original reply

+1 I have kept journals for many years. My husband doesn’t read my journals because he says those are private. I wouldn’t be pleased if he went through my journal and confronted me about reading something he wasn’t pleased with. My journal is meant to help process my feelings, so I’m going to be as open and raw as I need to be. 

The OP’s fiance was wrong to react the way he did. I don’t see what’s wrong with writing down sexual fantasies because I’ve written about my fantasies in my journal. I’m have no room to judge someone else for engaging in something that I have done as well. The OP’s fiance could have calmly and respectfully admitted that he wrote that sentence. Flying off the handle was uncalled for and made him look guilty. 

Post # 160
40 posts
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m sad that some people had to become jaded and cynical enough to believe that all men are like that. Sorry, it’s not like you have access to the truth and others are naive…rather, you’re surrounded by those kind of men hence had to adapt to the idea that everyone must be that way in order to cope with it.

Post # 161
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

This thread has run its course, so I am going to close it now.

The topic ‘I found something FI had written in a notebook…’ is closed to new replies.

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