- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
I know I’m probably going to get flamed for being materialistic – maybe I do just need to be told I’m in the wrong – but I’ve been feeling sad since I found an engagement ring in my partner’s sock drawer 2 days ago.
We’ve talked about marriage a lot and are on the same page, so I knew he was going to ask me sooner or later. Whenever he’s asked me what I like jewellery-wise, I’ve always begged him to please, please just get me a £3 fake ring to propose with and let me choose the real one. I’ve emphasised how fussy I am (true), and pointed out that I don’t really like 99% of the jewellery I see (also true). I told him a few things to think about, like, I don’t want a diamond solitaire, and I prefer coloured stones and large, chunky, colourful jewellery in general, as I’m quite a tall girl with large bone structure. I also told him I like brushed gold and bezel settings (though I can’t expect him to know what I’m talking about there, to be fair!)
Anyway, now I have found this ring – it’s a plain 0.15ct claw set solitaire, emerald cut – really narrow. And I’m really upset that he ignored me and went ahead and bought it. It is so tiny it makes my man hands look even bigger. It will look awful with all the rest of my (costume jewellery) rings and bracelets. I had a hunch when he went out to buy it, and the whole process took him approx 1 hour.
So I’m upset at the lack of effort, and the fact that it doesn’t suit me aesthetically, but I’m also upset by the money it will have cost. A ring like this would have cost about £200-£300. And if we were poor and he’d had to save up and go without one or two things, I would suck it up and overlook the fact that the style isn’t really me, because I’d be proud he loved me enough to go to that trouble for me. But he is actually rather wealthy. Without wanting to go into a lot of detail or come across like I’m bragging, he has enough passive income from investments that we could both retire now and live very comfortably for the rest of our lives. We are both quite frugal really and live in a way that reflects my income rather than his, as I’d never want to feel like a moocher – we use vouchers and 2 for 1 deals, and buy second hand clothes and food in the reduced aisle, but he is quite happy to spend money on things like art and musical instruments. He also knows that, just as he appreciates a beautiful old violin, I really enjoy nice jewellery, as I’ve mentioned it several times.
Sorry for the long essay. Would anybody here please either tell me I’m being awful and just need to get over myself, or tell me how I can discuss this with him without hurting his feelings? I do really love him and will marry him ring or no. I just feel really disappointed and also annoyed with myself for feeling like this. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.