(Closed) I found the ring and feel a bit let down

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybe this is your fake ring? If he has all that money perhaps you are getting way ahead of yourself and this is the tide you over ring. Honestly,  I would stop stressing, put it back and wait to see what happens. I think he may well just have got you a much nicer “fake” ring.

Post # 3
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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sunshinedodo:  wait it out. Could this be the stand in ring? If I were in his position I don’t think I’d feel happy with a ring that only cost a few quid for my beloved. You don’t know what he has in mind and you shouldn’t have found the ring. Let it be and see how it plays out. If this is the forever ring in his mind then you can then broach the subject of your taste in larger pieces. I’m tall too so a dainty ring would look funny on me too. However if he wants to marry you then that’s exciting! Keep us posted.

Post # 4
Member
2327 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
Yipeebee:  snap! Clearly the UK bees are on at tea time!

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016 - The Burgundy Basin

Perhaps this is his idea of buying a ring and then you’ll be able to go and pick out the one that you love when you’re engaged. Perhaps he’d like to know that even with his poor taste that you’d still be happy to marry him. Perhaps the word ‘solitaire’ got stuck in his head and he remembered wrong and thought that’s what you wanted.

Reguardless; when he does propose with that ring.. be happy, be excited; don’t let it ruin the moment that you both make the decision to sepend your lives together. Once the happiness of the moment has gone (maybe a few weeks down the line) ask him how he feels about the ring and if he would be heart broken if you went to get somthing more your style. Try not to sound un grateful for what he has offered you but let him know that you want a ring that really represents who the both of you are as a couple and then go look for them together.

I hope that helps?

Post # 6
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m thinking the same thing as a PP. Maybe this is the “cheap” ring he will propose to you with, and want you to select the real deal?

Post # 7
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
howdoyoudo:  ha! Yay! Love my UK bees! <3

Post # 8
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you give him the benefit of the doubt and let him propose? This could very well be your “fake” ring. Just let him have his moment, okay? One step at a time.

Post # 9
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I agree with 

View original reply
Yipeebee.. when he proposes be like “yay I love that you got me a placement ring so I can help pick out my real one!” If you guys are financially secure as you described and he knows that a nice ring is important to you, then there’s no reason why you should have to accept a .15ct diamond that your not happy with…. 

keep us posted when he proposes!

Post # 10
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Like others said, my first thought was “this is the stand in ring”. I mean, who’s dumb enough to hide something that important in a sock drawer? Maybe he wanted you to find it so he can surprise you with a really awesome ring or a trip to the jewelry store for you to pick it out yourself. I give you props for telling him you want to pick it out yourself. Did he have any objections to that? If not, he probably won’t be offended if this is your ring and you express that you’d like something different. I mean, I usually can’t stand the women who balk at their engagement rings because they aren’t big enough or their SO didn’t spend enough money on it. But I totally understand those who get upset when they’ve stated clearly what they like (and it’s obvious by their everyday jewelry) and their SO picks out the exact opposite. That shows a lack of effort and understanding their partner.

Just wait it out for now.

Post # 12
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

There’s really nothing you can do other than wait it out. If it turns out to be the fake ring, then great. If it isn’t then you’ll have to face the question of bringing it up to him that you’d prefer to change it. 

Please don’t tell him that you found the ring before he proposes – serious faux pas. 

Post # 13
Member
3936 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
sunshinedodo:  

 

I didn’t even get a ring when my hubs proposed, so, you’ve already one upped this particular bee. 😉

 

Best Wishes!

Post # 14
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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sunshinedodo:  perhaps this will all lead to a healthy discussion about how money is viewed and spent in your household. As soon as DH and I met we combined finances. I don’t think it’s right that you are this serious but are not viewing your money as shared and universal. It seems cruel to you. And of course it will make you feel inadequate.

 If my DH had wealth he kept all to himself while I was struggling to find my half of the rent I would be very disheartened and concerned. There’s a massive difference between frivolous spending and enjoying a comfort you have access to. Being able to live well is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact it is a pleasure you should make the most of. Many are not as lucky as you.

But shutting you out of his world like this is not kind to you, however much it might make him feel better. Partners share and if one has more than the other, brilliant because now you BOTH have more. I think you should move to adress his guilt over his financial security and make sure you are no longer being penalised for it. What is his should by now be yours. And you shouldn’t expect anything less. 

Post # 15
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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sunshinedodo:  my family on one side is very much like your SO, they donated millions (literally) but drove an old, not fancy car and lived very sensibly. They considered it tacky to talk about money and when written up in the paper for one of their anonymous donations, they were beyond mortified and called the publisher to complain.  (Getting credit for donations was also on the tacky list, lol.)  So I think I get where he might be coming from. It’s a different mindset than the cultural norm. 

My grandpa did, however, indulge my grandma with a gorgeous ring (that I now have).  Your SO needs to move your ring over to his art category, a place worthy of spending some money.

It’s not materialistic to want to be shown that you are valued in a way that matters to you. It’s not like you’re asking for the Hope diamond. You don’t need to be wearing a doorknocker on your finger. But you do want something special, something that looks good on you! 

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