(Closed) I gave him back the cross necklace

posted 4 years ago in Secular
  • poll: Should I reconsider my relationship with him? Why?
    Yes : (80 votes)
    38 %
    No : (106 votes)
    50 %
    Maybe : (27 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    5225 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @EmilyInIdaho:  Sorry, I read your other thread and think that given the circumstances ( you had a scary diagnosis, many people turn to faith) that there was zero ill intent, and that giving it back to him probably really, really hurt him. If I were him (and you), I honestly may sit back and evaluate this relationship a bit more.  If you feel that strongly against Christianity that a cross necklace produces this much inner turmoil, then marrying a Christian who turned to Christianity during a difficult time,  may not be the best decision :/


    Post # 4
    2833 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You need to do what you need to do; but to tell him that he has to stop praying for you? That’s a little out of line. It’s his right to be able to pray for anyone he chooses, just like it’s your right not to pray. Maybe you should have asked him not to pray out loud around you or to tell you he prayed for you.


    Post # 5
    749 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Im glad that it worked out and will go to someone who apprciates it..

    i do think it was a little harsh.. inapropriate.. of you to tell him not pray for you any more.. he still belives and you are disprespecting him by telling not to do something like that.. Unless he is openly and loudly praying for you when he know u dont like to hear it, that i could understand.. i dont belives in pushing your beliefs on anyone else in his case or yours.. but praying?!? 

    Post # 7
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @EmilyInIdaho:  I am so confused as to why you gave it back.  He understands that it’s not part of your belief system, but it made him feel better to think he was giving you some protection.  You’re not giving anything of yourself up to give him that comfort 🙁

    ETA:  I’m agnostic, if it makes any difference.

    Post # 8
    9693 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @EmilyInIdaho:  I wouldn’t have accepted it either, but if I did accept it, I don’t think I would have given it back. I do have friends who say they pray for me when I’m going through hard times. They know it means nothing to me, but I don’t bother telling them not to. It is their relationship with god so they can do whatever they want, especially if they feel like they are helping or it gives them some comfort. I’m sorry your partner ended up feeling hurt, but at least you reached a resolution.

    Post # 9
    1444 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @EmilyInIdaho:  When you say choosing their own path does that mean you’re going to let the go to church, or are you going to let them decide when they’re much older?

    Post # 10
    2440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Honestly, I find it incredibly touching that he bought it for you when you found your lump. I don’t think he was forcing his beliefs on you, but I do think he wanted something, even something ridiculous, to put his hopes and fears into that you would be ok. I think asking him not to pray for or about you is a stretch, though. It has nthing to do with you. It’s his way of finding peace and solace and a means of meditating. That action has no affect on your religious beliefs, or anything tangible in your day to day life. I’m pretty wishy washy in my faith/religious views right now, and fi is an athiest. He wouldn’t ask me to not pray. In the same way that he has no right asking you to pray for him, you have no right to ask him not to pray for you.


    I think giving him back the necklace was fine. I know it must have been difficult for you, and I’m sure it must have been hard on him, but so long as you are both respectful and understanding of each other, I think it may work out. An object probably shouldn’t make you so uncomfortable, though. If fi gave me a good luck charm, I wouldn’t toss it back in his face offended.


    I tihnk you both might need to take a moment and talk some stuff out.


    Post # 12
    1444 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @EmilyInIdaho:  Oh, that’s a good thing!  I’m glad you two are on the same page!

    Post # 13
    5408 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think you can tell him not to pray for you. For a Christian, that’s a pretty big thing to ask, and I imagine it will make him quite conflicted. 

    Post # 14
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I want to be supportive, but honestly.. this post just makes me feel incredibly sad for your partner.

    Post # 15
    4336 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I dont think that’s very fair that you asked him to stop praying for you. (And i’m surprised he agreed!) If you don’t believe in God, then you probably think prayers are just useless thoughts, so why would it matter to you if he spends a few minutes thinking “useless thoughts?” If it’s something that brings him comfort and solace, and you believe it doesnt affect you in the slightest, then that seems very selfish to ask him to stop.

    Post # 16
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    It’s good you got everything resolved.  It sounds like it really was an innocent guesture and not an attempt to convert you, or a sign that he is hoping you’ll change your beliefs.  Be sure to be really, really nice to him to make up for hurting his feelings — take him out for something that he really loves and you aren’t big on, etc. 

    Ignore the posts where people are harping on you.  It’s good that you had a clear discussion on what you are and are not comfortable with and came up with a resolution.  Sometimes that needs to be done in a relationship. 

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