Post # 1
I think he thought I was going to break up with him over it because he kept telling me he was sorry and would never do it again and was legitimately on the verge of tears.
I asked him what was the point of buying me a cross necklace in the first place and he said he bought it a couple of months ago when I found a lump on my breast (turned out to be a cyst) but it scared him. I guess he viewed it as more of a protection thing.
Since he held onto it for so long before giving it to me, he’s unable to return it now. But a local pet rescue has a big charity auction every year where basically a bunch of wealthy people get together to bid on fancy stuff. So he’s going to donate it to that. He’s an animal lover so this works out well. And he’s well off, so this is not a financial blow to him.
My friends are overreacting and suggesting that I dump him. I’m not going to do that. I know his heart and I know he wasn’t trying to convert me. He’s not very religious and he very rarely attends church himself, so it’s not like I’m marrying a pastor here. His sister’s even an atheist!
I’ve also asked him not to pray for me anymore and he’s agreed not to. I gave him a book on atheism so he understands where I’m coming from and he’s promised to read it.
I think I really, really hurt his feelings though. It took him two months to work up the courage to give it to me, so to be shot down like that must hurt. I can tell he put a lot of thought into it and didn’t mean to offend me. He was coming from a good place, he had no ulterior motive. It was just an innocent mistake.
I really wish I had a different necklace to replace it with. But I feel like that’s asking too much after he just went through all this.
Post # 3
@EmilyInIdaho: Sorry, I read your other thread and think that given the circumstances ( you had a scary diagnosis, many people turn to faith) that there was zero ill intent, and that giving it back to him probably really, really hurt him. If I were him (and you), I honestly may sit back and evaluate this relationship a bit more. If you feel that strongly against Christianity that a cross necklace produces this much inner turmoil, then marrying a Christian who turned to Christianity during a difficult time, may not be the best decision :/
Post # 4
You need to do what you need to do; but to tell him that he has to stop praying for you? That’s a little out of line. It’s his right to be able to pray for anyone he chooses, just like it’s your right not to pray. Maybe you should have asked him not to pray out loud around you or to tell you he prayed for you.
Post # 5
Im glad that it worked out and will go to someone who apprciates it..
i do think it was a little harsh.. inapropriate.. of you to tell him not pray for you any more.. he still belives and you are disprespecting him by telling not to do something like that.. Unless he is openly and loudly praying for you when he know u dont like to hear it, that i could understand.. i dont belives in pushing your beliefs on anyone else in his case or yours.. but praying?!?
Post # 6
Also, some of you asked how we were going to raise our children. We both want them to choose their own path. We’re both very much on the same page when it comes to this issue and his family and my family think that’s a great idea as well.
Post # 7
@EmilyInIdaho: I am so confused as to why you gave it back. He understands that it’s not part of your belief system, but it made him feel better to think he was giving you some protection. You’re not giving anything of yourself up to give him that comfort 🙁
ETA: I’m agnostic, if it makes any difference.
Post # 8
@EmilyInIdaho: I wouldn’t have accepted it either, but if I did accept it, I don’t think I would have given it back. I do have friends who say they pray for me when I’m going through hard times. They know it means nothing to me, but I don’t bother telling them not to. It is their relationship with god so they can do whatever they want, especially if they feel like they are helping or it gives them some comfort. I’m sorry your partner ended up feeling hurt, but at least you reached a resolution.
Post # 9
@EmilyInIdaho: When you say choosing their own path does that mean you’re going to let the go to church, or are you going to let them decide when they’re much older?
Post # 10
Honestly, I find it incredibly touching that he bought it for you when you found your lump. I don’t think he was forcing his beliefs on you, but I do think he wanted something, even something ridiculous, to put his hopes and fears into that you would be ok. I think asking him not to pray for or about you is a stretch, though. It has nthing to do with you. It’s his way of finding peace and solace and a means of meditating. That action has no affect on your religious beliefs, or anything tangible in your day to day life. I’m pretty wishy washy in my faith/religious views right now, and fi is an athiest. He wouldn’t ask me to not pray. In the same way that he has no right asking you to pray for him, you have no right to ask him not to pray for you.
I think giving him back the necklace was fine. I know it must have been difficult for you, and I’m sure it must have been hard on him, but so long as you are both respectful and understanding of each other, I think it may work out. An object probably shouldn’t make you so uncomfortable, though. If fi gave me a good luck charm, I wouldn’t toss it back in his face offended.
I tihnk you both might need to take a moment and talk some stuff out.
Post # 11
@Kimberley25: They’ll decide when they’re older. He told me he doesn’t want them going to church and wants them to choose their own path in life.
Post # 12
@EmilyInIdaho: Oh, that’s a good thing! I’m glad you two are on the same page!
Post # 13
I don’t think you can tell him not to pray for you. For a Christian, that’s a pretty big thing to ask, and I imagine it will make him quite conflicted.
Post # 14
I want to be supportive, but honestly.. this post just makes me feel incredibly sad for your partner.
Post # 15
I dont think that’s very fair that you asked him to stop praying for you. (And i’m surprised he agreed!) If you don’t believe in God, then you probably think prayers are just useless thoughts, so why would it matter to you if he spends a few minutes thinking “useless thoughts?” If it’s something that brings him comfort and solace, and you believe it doesnt affect you in the slightest, then that seems very selfish to ask him to stop.
Post # 16
It’s good you got everything resolved. It sounds like it really was an innocent guesture and not an attempt to convert you, or a sign that he is hoping you’ll change your beliefs. Be sure to be really, really nice to him to make up for hurting his feelings — take him out for something that he really loves and you aren’t big on, etc.
Ignore the posts where people are harping on you. It’s good that you had a clear discussion on what you are and are not comfortable with and came up with a resolution. Sometimes that needs to be done in a relationship.