Like another Bee said…
This post makes me very very sad.
When I read the previous topic last night, it was pretty clear to me that a lot of Bees (like I) saw his giving you a cross a fairly non-consequential thing… he wasn’t asking you to convert, or even making any mention of religion. You at the time mentioned he was Catholic, but not overly religious.
Most Bees felt he was giving you the Cross as a sign of his caring for you, and in hopes that there would be protection for you when he wasn’t around…
Now in this post, you reveal to us that you have had a scare about breast cancer (thank goodness it was only a cyst), and have told us that that was when he purchased the necklace.
I am sad to read that you cannot see, that HIS FAITH is important to him… enough so that he has obviously been praying for your good health
And in many ways it probably what is what he feels CARRIED HIM thru such a difficult time.
Returning the cross… as a symbol of all that … and asking him not to pray for you seems a bit much to me.
Maybe even offensive.
Religion is a personal thing… I truly don’t think you have any right to tell him not to pray for your well-being… it is WHAT HE NEEDS in his walk thru life… and has nothing to do with you
I think that between saying that… and returning the cross… keeping it would be a sign of good faith (<— ironic word) between the 2 of you… that you can accept him for who he is even if you don’t embrace his beliefs
Honestly… I have to agree with the wisdom professed by the other Bees…
clearly you guys are not on the SAME PAGE when it comes to understanding each other’s belief systems and most importantly HOW YOU ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH THEM THRU LIFE… AND WHAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU BOTH
That is a VERY KEY PART OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
And one of the things that Couples NEED TO ADDRESS UPFRONT and early on…
I have to agree with others…
It would have been appropriate to accept and keep the necklace as a symbol of the LOVE he has for you and the LOVE he has for his God (as others have said… its just a symbol… same as a peace symbol would have been as a pendant on a chain)
By giving it back to him… I imagine he is hurt. Very hurt.
Then you ask him not to pray for you… waaaay too personal. I think that oversteps your boundaries where your relationship begins and ends… and HIS LIFE as an individual begins.
And lastly, you go and give him a book to explain your Beliefs. Pretty in your face if you ask me.
He didn’t do that to you. If I was him, that would be a very offensive…
“You’ve upset me sooo much with your gesture… that I am giving you back the gift, AND I am going to clearly tell you / educate you… on WHY you don’t seem to understand me and my belief system. You clearly aren’t getting it, or me”
Ironically… you aren’t getting him either.
Again, so sad.
In all honesty, I don’t see things working out well for the two of you.
IF I was him I’d be offended, and re-evaluating what it would mean in MY WORLD to be married to you…
Let alone raising kids with you.
I see this recent situation, as just the tip of a HUGE iceberg… with much of the impasse still to come unseen and lurking beneath the still waters.
You guys need to talk… and I think that things do not bode well for the future.
But then again, as I’ve learned thru life’s hard lessons…
Being IN LOVE… is sometimes NOT ENOUGH.
The commitment of Marriage to a Life Long Partner, takes sooo much more than just LOVE
You really need to be on the same page in soooo many other ways as well.
I find this a truly sad thing for both of you… as it is never an easy realization to come to… that the one you love (and they love you) may not be the right person for you.
— — —
PS… For the record. I am not an overly religious person myself (incase someone thinks that). My reaction here is purely based on the fact that I believe that 2 people wishing to marry need to be on the same page about important matters… and FAITH (however one wishes to define that for themselves) is one of those key elements.