(Closed) I gave my gf a timeline and it wasn't what she was expecting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2298 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@uncltredpearl:  Believe me, it was BETTER than she was expecting 🙂 Proud of you for figuring out what you wanted sooner than you (and she) was expecting.

Post # 4
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@uncltredpearl:  Yeah, I’d say her being happily surprised about your timeline is a good thing and not a bad thing. 

Post # 5
985 posts
Busy bee

Oh she is so excited! She probably said three years just to try not to scare you! Well done for being upfront. 

Post # 6
441 posts
Helper bee

I agree with Dogsbody92. The 3 years comment was to avoid rejection if she gave you a date that bothered you. Once guest lists and colors are being decided, the sooner the engagement the better in terms of her feeling loved and special to you. 

Post # 8
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If your timelines are different I would talk about it. Open communication is so important! 

Post # 10
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so happy that you are excited – however, you’ve written a lot about your wedding, but I want to encourage you to take a step back and think about your marriage.  Would waiting allow you to get to know each other better and thus strengthen your marriage?  I would strongly encourage you to include premarital counciling – I found focusing on my marriage to be far more important than any other detail of wedding planning.

Post # 11
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@uncltredpearl:  Have you thought about having a serious timeline discussion with her? The only negative experience I had with my engagement was knowing I was going to marry this person, but having NO idea when the question would be popped. It added a lot of anxiety that could alleviated with a frank discussion so you’re both on the same page. I was getting a bit wedding crazy until my guy set out his ideal timeline.

On another note, she must have been THRILLED when her three years turned into just one 🙂

Post # 12
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@uncltredpearl:  I think its really good that you both have been so open and honest about marriage. And its a very good thing that you both have a timeline to work with now. I do, however, agree with @Polygon:  You did discuss the engagement and wedding a lot, but you didn’t mention the actual marriage in your post. Its possible you’ve discussed that in other posts and I just didn’t see it, but it might be a good idea to do pre-marital counseling to work through any issues or bumps there might be (such as how you’ll handle money as a couple or how you plan to raise any potential children).

I won’t counsel you to wait longer to propose because every relationship is different and moves at different paces – if you’re both young or still in school or don’t have jobs then you may want to consider waiting until later in 2014 to get engaged though. Holding off until then could help you get to know one another better, would allow you both to save up a bit more money, and it might allow you time to find a place to live together.


Post # 14
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

uncltredpearl:  I think she said 3 Years just so she doesn’t want to put pressure on you – very sweet.  If she’s been looking into wedding plans, she knows you’re the one also.  I say get your Engagement Party planned first and then go for it when she’s not expecting it!  Congrats in advance!

Post # 15
423 posts
Helper bee

If you two have been discussing wedding plans and engagement party plans, I’m sure she won’t mind that it’s sooner. From her perspective, I could see her wanting to lessen the pressure of getting engaged/married in case you weren’t ready to propose yet. I’m excited for you!

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