(Closed) I gave my guy a timeline and……

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Did you give your SO a timeline, and was it needed?
    I gave SO a timeline, but he already was planning so it was pointless : (13 votes)
    17 %
    I gave SO a timeline and it really got him to do what was needed : (17 votes)
    22 %
    I didn't give SO a timeline and it worked out fine : (38 votes)
    49 %
    other please comment below : (10 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I didn’t give him a timeline and it worked out for me, but I was not at the place in the relationship where I needed it happen or I would have to re-evaluate.  We were in a good place and quite honestly, even though I knew he was thinking about it, I was not expecting it until closer to the end of this year (Sept to Dec), instead of the end of April.  I got lucky, I guess, and did not have to spend a long time waiting like many ladies do.

    I am sending happy thoughts to our ladies-in-waiting!  I hope it happens for you soon! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’m not sure if I actually gave my Fiance a timeline.  I told him how long I needed to plan a wedding (which I ended up shortening by 4 months) and we both had the same idea of when we wanted to be married so he worked backwards from there.  I never actually said “I want to be engaged by such and such date.”  I definately let him know when I began officially “waiting” though! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I didn’t give my guy a timeline, we were always on the same page about whether or not to get married and when.

    Post # 6
    Member
    13096 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    He gave ME a fake timeline (Feb 2010) so that he could completely surprise me in Sept. 2009 with a proposal since I wouldn’t be expecting anything yet!  No timeline/ultimatums needed for my DH!

    Although really, even if he’d never said anything about his fake timeline, I’d have never needed to say anything because we were on the same page with where the relationship was, where it was heading, and how quickly it was heading there.

    Post # 7
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Hmmm… I can’t say we had a time line but we have seen other friends of ours date for years and never get married. (One of our closest friends have been dating for 10 years and they still aren’t even engaged) So we sort of set a LIMIT on to how late we would get engaged but no timeline. I like it better that way!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I didn’t give my husband a timeline, but I did let him know that I felt it was time.  That was probably in November.  He told me that we were on the same page and he would do it when “the time was right.”  He proposed on New Year’s Eve.

    Post # 9
    Member
    14657 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Well, in the past, the time line didnt work.  It came and went and years passed by.  I eventually ended it.  I asked him what was going on in his head after so long, and he said he was waiting to make sure.  Umm.. if 6-7 years wasn’t long enough to be sure, would he ever be? 

    With Fiance, I didn’t give him a timeline, we just discussed it, goals, future… a little nudging cause we wanted to buy a house and he knew my stance on that, and he did it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I didn’t give him a timeline….really. He wants more children and I told him I was not having anymore children until I was married and I was not having any children after the age of 32. That basically gave him five years. I also told him I wanted an engagement more than 12 months.

    Post # 11
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I gave my guy a timeline and when it came we broke up!  That’s right we broke up.  I was going on dates and having fun with other people and then WHAM!  he came proposing completely out of the blue!  that was in July and we are getting married this December.

     

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2742 posts
    Sugar bee

    @notevenclose: Really? I burst into laughter when I read that. Good that it worked for you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    10366 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    You GIVING him a timeline makes it sound like an ultimatum. I think it should be a *mutually agreed upon* timeline. It’s a two-way street, this relationship business. Not the girl demanding a ring by a deadline.

    Post # 14
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I gave Darling Husband a timeline and he admits openly that we would not even be engaged right now if I hadn’t done that. It’s not that he never wanted to get married, he just never would have considered or thought about it at all if I hadn’t put my foot down. He thanks me too, for being so persistant about it, as much as he complained at the time.

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a timeline or deadline as long as you REALLY mean it. What I mean is, first of all be certain and have reasons for actually wanting to get married and why it’s important. Second, the timeline shouldn’t be arbitrary, think about it in real terms like “This is how long I’d be willing to date someone before leaving them because we would never get married”. or “This is the age I need to be married for personal reasons”.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4311 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ummm, I’m pretty sure I was the one given the timeline 🙂  The Fiance was very forward about getting married and that’s what he wanted.  Had he not proposed still to this day, I doubt I would be pushing him for one.

    Post # 16
    Member
    622 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    i didn’t really give a timeline so much, but i told him i didn’t want to live with him until we were engaged. however, our leases were both up and it was either move in together or wait another year to move in together. so i said i would (and we did) and i * reminded * him about my “rule”. Two months after we moved in together, we got engaged…in our first apartment.

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