I gave my ldr bf an ultimatum

posted 2 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

Teasing each other about breaking up… Um, what??

This reads like something in high school not a 32 and 47 year old. 

Post # 3
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee

You asked him a straight up question about marriage and he gave you an answer – he doesn’t know if he wants to get married again. That’s allowed. YOU need to be the one who decides if you can forego marriage. After 2 years of him still not being sure if he wants marriage, do not expect an answer, much less a reliable answer, in 3 months. You already have his answer – decide what to do with it. 

Post # 4
Member
5774 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

What sort of relationship is it if you tease each other about breaking up?

Do you only see each other in the summer?

Post # 5
Member
1453 posts
Bumble bee

If you were together one year and long distance for two years haven’t you been together for three years? I think he gave you your answer already bee, he doesn’t sound keen on marriage at all, at least not at the moment, and he’s expecting you to break up with him after this three month period, so I don’t think he’s changed his mind. I would discuss it with him now rather than waiting as I really don’t think that will change anything and is just delaying the inevitable. 

Post # 6
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

This man will breakup with you eventually, no need to wait till 1st of Jan. How can someone who love you truly teasing you about breaking up. I’m sorry but what kind of relationship is this

Post # 7
Member
6320 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It sounds like he’s preparing himself to be single soon. You should be doing the same. If you want to be married, this is not the relationship where that is going to happen.

Post # 8
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

I think you two have been dating long enough for him to well and truly know (especially at his age) if he wants to marry you or not. I also don’t see the point in waiting until January to have the conversation, either he wants to marry you or not. What is going to change between now and January? I would be having the serious conversation now, so you’re not wasting your time waiting and hoping. If he’s not ready to make a commitment I would be moving on. Life is short and long distance relationships suck! You deserve to be happy.

Post # 9
Hostess
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Agreed with PP’s, it sounds like he already knows he’s not going to marry you and doesn’t want to, and maybe he’s trying to change his mind to keep you happy.

Do you really want to marry a man who’s doing it to keep you happy?

Post # 10
Member
985 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If marriage is a must for you then this isn’t the relationship for you.  Don’t wait around for your boyfriend to change his mind when he’s already been upfront with you about what he wants, and doesn’t want.  

Post # 11
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

It sounds to me like he is intimating already that he isn’t going to marry you. If that’s what you ultimately want, marriage, it’s time to face the idea that it won’t be to him. I’m sorry, bee. 

Post # 12
Member
3492 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

He flat out told you he doesn’t know if he ever wants to get married again. That’s his answer to the question of if he’ll marry you. There is no confusion there. You just have to decide if you want to stay with him without being married, or if you want marriage and need to find someone else who is on the same page as you. 

Post # 13
Member
4607 posts
Honey bee

Unless the two of you were actively making plans to close the distance and actually be together (marriage or not) then it seems pretty clear he’s happy being long distance fuck buddies – all the perks of having a woman dote on you without all that pesky having to mingle your finances and really put some effort into it.

When someone tells you who they are you should believe them.

He has told you he is a guy who isn’t interested in marrying again and likes things exactly as they are.

So then you decide if you can live with that or you move on to find someone who does want the same things as you.  You don’t just sit there and go “Well, ok mister, I’m just going to put my life on hold and give you several months to do something you already said you don’t want to do.”

Post # 14
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not  sure what is unclear. He has been honest and said that he is unsure about getting married. He knows that marriage in important to you and he is unsure if he can provide it, therefore he is preparing for a break up since he knows this is a deal breaker in relationships. Now you need to decide if you are willing to stay in a relationship that doesn’t lead to marriage. 

Post # 15
Member
3874 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My sister was married and it went horribly for her. Now she is with a different partner, who is amazing and she absolutely wants to stay with them forever. But she doesn’t want to actually get married due to it now having a bad connotations for her. Her partner is totally fine with that. If your boyfriend decides on 1 Jan that he just doesn’t want to marry again, you will have to decide to accept that or leave. Also, you’ve given a time limit so you need to drop the subject until then.

I will also say that you haven’t been together all that long considering it’s been long-distance for at least half the time (what you’ve written is a bit unclear). Is there a plan for ending the long-distance aspect?

 

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