(Closed) I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Do you like brutal honesty?

    I LOVE honesty! It never offends me if it's coming from a kind place

    I appreciate honesty, but sometimes it hurts

    I'm indifferent, general personality matters more than honesty/lying

    I'd rather hear the positives, skip the negatives

    I prefer people to spare my feelings if it's something I can't change

    Kindly fib to me - I appreciate my life choices being affirmed

  • Post # 152
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  Well, frankly, yes. It is, in a way. It’s setting yourself up for the disappointment you seem to be so ill-suited to handling. I’m not saying automatically assume everyone will fall short, but maybe lower your expectations in situations where you need to take someone else’s feelings into account, such as the gift example. You may be a champion gift-giver and get it right every time, but not everyone does. And if you’re not, well then, how can you be disappointed, since you hold everyone else to your standard?

    Post # 155
    Member
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I didn’t comment on your character but you HAVE commented on your character saying “I am a nice person” and ect. so the conversation has escalated. 

    You were defensive after the first few responses and quickly turned against people questioning THEIR need to reflect. It is just a very silly thread where things could have gone better. 

    You don’t feel like you need to change, don’t want to change, see your flaws, but don’t think they effect your life. 

    If you have good relationships regardless of your tactless honesty then that is great! 

    Maybe you wrote things incorrectly on here and your honesty seems worse than it is IRL. 

    Either way, you got some good responses and some less than needed responses. 

    If your a good person and have good relationships then you should stay the way you are.

     

    Post # 156
    Member
    1648 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I had (notice the past tense) this friend who thought she was doing everyone a favor by being “brutally honest.”  Everything was “well IIIIIIIIIIII feel this, IIII feel that, and MEEEEEE MEE MEE MEEEE listen to MEEEE because this is MEEE and I’m just being honest…”  Not everything in life is about you and how you feel. It takes a mature person to be able to edit their thoughts in a tactful manner and communicate, well, like an adult. And honestly, maybe you aren’t there yet.

    Post # 157
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  It’s normal in your family and that’s fine, but it’s not acceptable elsewhere. 

    Post # 158
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I’ve been following this thread and I wanted to say that I think maybe the way you are works for your family and a few of your close friends.

     

    I can be blunt sometimes (when asked my opinion) and if my friends told me they didn’t like my ring I wouldn’t be that bothered by it because I love it.

     

    Your brother pointing out your zit is a pretty normal thing to do for siblings.  That doesn’t mean it’s normal for interactions with everyone.  Would you go up to a coworker and say, “Wow, that zit’s big?”  

     

    I think what’s missing here is that you seem to think you have to be one way with everyone.  I find it hard to believe that ALL of your friends love brutal honesty.  I have friends all over the spectrum.  I know which of my friends prefer honesty, which like some sugar coating, who’s sensitive, which topics they are more sensitive about.  I frame how I communicate with them around that.  I feel like you (based on these threads) treat everyone pretty similarly, which might work for you, but in general I think it’s better to get to know a person, and if someone is super polite and always nice to you (even if they are telling a white lie) that is probably what they prefer.

     

    But, if you have close friends around you who all feel the same way about this and that is what works for your group, that is absolutely fine.  

     

    I do think you need to make sure you realize that outside this circle people might have a difference of opinion, and you need to frame your interactions around them based on that. 

     

    Post # 161
    Member
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I think that is a very good idea 🙂 

    The internet is full of different people with different backgrounds so it is kind of rare for so many people to agree. Whether or not you agree it is very obvious that something went wrong here. I hope you can take something postive from this! 

    The topic ‘I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people’ is closed to new replies.

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