- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I’m just going to assume that things are different in real life versus the internet, and that I happen to have met only like-minded people in my adult life. If I ever make someone cry, or they are offended enough to let me know, or they even just stop talking freely to me, then I will absolutely reevaluate my choice.
I guess that isn’t normal.
You were defensive after the first few responses and quickly turned against people questioning THEIR need to reflect. It is just a very silly thread where things could have gone better.
You don’t feel like you need to change, don’t want to change, see your flaws, but don’t think they effect your life.
If you have good relationships regardless of your tactless honesty then that is great!
Maybe you wrote things incorrectly on here and your honesty seems worse than it is IRL.
Either way, you got some good responses and some less than needed responses.
If your a good person and have good relationships then you should stay the way you are.
I had (notice the past tense) this friend who thought she was doing everyone a favor by being “brutally honest.” Everything was “well IIIIIIIIIIII feel this, IIII feel that, and MEEEEEE MEE MEE MEEEE listen to MEEEE because this is MEEE and I’m just being honest…” Not everything in life is about you and how you feel. It takes a mature person to be able to edit their thoughts in a tactful manner and communicate, well, like an adult. And honestly, maybe you aren’t there yet.
I can be blunt sometimes (when asked my opinion) and if my friends told me they didn’t like my ring I wouldn’t be that bothered by it because I love it.
Your brother pointing out your zit is a pretty normal thing to do for siblings. That doesn’t mean it’s normal for interactions with everyone. Would you go up to a coworker and say, “Wow, that zit’s big?”
I think what’s missing here is that you seem to think you have to be one way with everyone. I find it hard to believe that ALL of your friends love brutal honesty. I have friends all over the spectrum. I know which of my friends prefer honesty, which like some sugar coating, who’s sensitive, which topics they are more sensitive about. I frame how I communicate with them around that. I feel like you (based on these threads) treat everyone pretty similarly, which might work for you, but in general I think it’s better to get to know a person, and if someone is super polite and always nice to you (even if they are telling a white lie) that is probably what they prefer.
But, if you have close friends around you who all feel the same way about this and that is what works for your group, that is absolutely fine.
I do think you need to make sure you realize that outside this circle people might have a difference of opinion, and you need to frame your interactions around them based on that.
Probably time to close the thread, I doubt any more productive things will come from it.
The internet is full of different people with different backgrounds so it is kind of rare for so many people to agree. Whether or not you agree it is very obvious that something went wrong here. I hope you can take something postive from this!
For the coworker question – I wouldn’t point out their zit, but if they had no mirror and asked if their blemish was noticeable, I’d say “Yep, I can see it. Want my concealer? I get those a lot this time of year”.
I wouldn’t say “no I don’t see anything!” and let them walk around work with a big red thing on their face.
The topic ‘I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people’ is closed to new replies.