(Closed) I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Do you like brutal honesty?

    I LOVE honesty! It never offends me if it's coming from a kind place

    I appreciate honesty, but sometimes it hurts

    I'm indifferent, general personality matters more than honesty/lying

    I'd rather hear the positives, skip the negatives

    I prefer people to spare my feelings if it's something I can't change

    Kindly fib to me - I appreciate my life choices being affirmed

  • Post # 32
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I don’t think anyone was suggesting you lie, just carefully choose your words so you don’t have to lie, but you also don’t have to say something that is not so nice.  

     

    I’m also curious, how do you handle this issue in a professional setting?  I work with children and sometimes their parents say/ do things that I do not agree with, but I would lose my job if I made faces anytime someone did something I don’t agree with.  I really am curious as to how this works.   

     

    Anyway you said that honesty works for you and that the people around you know that you are really nice and caring .  You know the people around you the best, so if it’s been going well why change it?  But, if you aren’t having any issues with it I’m wondering what inspired you to create this post? 

     

    Post # 33
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

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    @KhaleesiStormborn:  i dont understand your point.  did you ask for our opinions or not?  are you trying to explain what irony is?

    Post # 38
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think as some PPs said it comes down to manners. I am one that is pretty blunt, but if someone showed me their awful ring, I would just smile and say congratulations. I don’t have to say, “Oh it’s not my taste, but I am SO happy for you and your groom.”

    I think there are just appropriate times when honest replies are, well, approrpiate and other times, like in the instacne you gave, where they aren’t. If no one asks you specifically what you think of their ring, there is no point in telling them it isn’t your taste. Just say congrats and move on.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I can’t contain my horrified reaction to bloody and gory things; jewelry not to my taste, I can fake it.  It’s just good manners to be polite.  To me, “not to my taste” equals “wow, that’s ugly.”  Just my two cents’.

    Post # 40
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @ChicFoodist:  It is a legitimate psychological condition/symptom.

     

    People with Aspergers generally have no “filter” or the ability to see social cues. They have problems with empathy, impaired non-verbal behaviors, and a lack of social and emotional reciprocity.

     

    If someone claimed they were unable to control their outward physical reactions in social situations, like this, I would assume they have some form of autism. I don’t believe it is something that is impossible to control otherwise.

     

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  On the bee, or other boards like this I think if you ask for people’s opinions you should be ready to hear honesty.  I definitely agree with you on that.

    What you were talking about seemed a little different to me.  When someone gets you a gift, they are doing it because they think it will make you happy (usually).  So it seems rude that if someone got you say a slow cooker or something that you didn’t want you’d feel the need to explain why you don’t like it instead of just saying, “thank you.”

    I’m sure you are a nice person and your friends know that even if you are very blunt.  But, you came on here to ask how other people felt about it, and it seems when people answer, your response is to defend how you are because looking fake was worse for you. I think it is hard for myself to understand because I have never met someone with this problem.  I do believe it would be very hard to live with.

    I still am curious as to how you deal with this professionally.  I just can’t think of a profession where making faces when you don’t like something wouldn’t be noticed.   

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I disagree.  This is a different kind of conversation than someone showing you their ring or giving you a gift.  If you believe the situations are the same, then no one here can be “honest,” and tell you your actions are rude without being “ironic.”  You’ve set it up to be a win-win for you.

    Post # 44
    Member
    723 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn: Context is everything. Offering an opinion on a friend’s ring in person is very different from asking an opinion from strangers on an anonymous forum. You must see that. There is a host of social clues & cues in person that just don’t matter on an online forum.

    Anyway, I think your response to a friend blatantly asking you what you think of her ring is a fine one. I think leaving off the “It’s not to my taste” would be better, but I’m not offended by it. I might be a little put off if I were your friend, but I would probably learn quickly not to ask you your opinion if I didn’t want to hear the truth. If your friend was just showing you her new ring and didn’t ask you you thought about it, then I think it would be a dfferent story & really uncalled for to say “It’s not to my taste.” As long as you ONLY respond with your opinion when it’s truly asked of you, I don’t have a problem with what you say. If you offer it other times, then you’re veering into asshole territory & I would probably distance myself from you as a friend.

    All that said, I just don’t buy that you just have no control over what your face does. If you truly feel this is the case, it would serve you to work on this. Have you taken an acting class? Have you talked to a psychiatrist? Nobody should feel that they absolutely cannot control their reaction to something. I mean, what would you do at work in a meeting if your coworker was spouting BS? Would you have to “offer” your opinion there? 

    Post # 46
    Member
    2240 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I love that you don’t lie about it.  

    I don’t see this as being rude at all. If they have asked you what you think, they should be prepared to hear the truth. 

    If I ask someone what they think, I’d much rather they just say “It’s not my taste” than “Oh, it’s gorgeous”, all the while thinking “Ick, that is not pretty”. I know everyone likes different things and has different tastes, so it’s ok if someone says they don’t like it. 

    If I didn’t want to hear what someone actually thinks, I wouldn’t ask. 

    The topic ‘I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people’ is closed to new replies.

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