(Closed) I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Do you like brutal honesty?

    I LOVE honesty! It never offends me if it's coming from a kind place

    I appreciate honesty, but sometimes it hurts

    I'm indifferent, general personality matters more than honesty/lying

    I'd rather hear the positives, skip the negatives

    I prefer people to spare my feelings if it's something I can't change

    Kindly fib to me - I appreciate my life choices being affirmed

  • Post # 47
    Member
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’m mainly curious how this comes into play at work. I’ve had customers that I grimmace at internally but easily put on a face and smile & talk. The work place is not the place for my personal opinion anyway. And yes, this includes “what do you think?” comments. Quite frequently actually. I feel like you’d have to work in a closed environment in order to get away with that at work

    Post # 49
    Member
    5217 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It’s pretty apparent you’re only interested in having people affirm your situation and deem it as “refreshing”or “honest”.  An earmark of maturity is knowing the appropriate place,  context and audience to express your “refreshing honesty”. It’s not that hard to smile,  say “you must be thrilled! ” and move on.

    Post # 51
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  Then you agree that this is purely a choice, not a biological condition? One symptom may not lead to a diagnoses, but a cluster of them seems pretty apparent. I’m not saying you have Asbergers, but it was in response to someone saying there was not physiological condition.

    That would mean you do in fact have control over your reactions, but choose otherwise. In that case, it’s obviously learned behavior and I disagree you are unable to control it.

    I have inappropriate reactions in social situations, but I certainly don’t claim it is “for the best” of all involved. You’re most likely hurting the people around you, and that should be recognized. 

     

    Post # 53
    Member
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn: Hahaha, this is what I imagine you looking like when you try and force a smile.

     

     

     

    But seriously, you don’t want to be Sheldon.  PPs are right, you do need to learn to fake it because there are definitely times when it’s inappropriate to make faces or give honest opinions.

    Maybe you can team up with your friends and have them present you with things you hate or think are ugly and practice holding in your grimaces and practice smiling – you know, gain some muscle memory.  That way smiling becomes that natural reflex.

    Post # 54
    Member
    3370 posts
    Sugar bee

    @KhaleesiStormborn:  Honesty is great, WHEN/IF it’s asked for. If someone is asking opinions I assume they’d like an honest answer. If someone posts a pic of their dress/ring/whatever without asking for opinions then no one with a negative opinion should mention it. Then there’s also the point that everyone can be honest AND be nice about it. “No, I don’t care for it.” or “I personally wouldn’t do that.” are fine. “Omg, that’s just plain ugly” or “You look horrible in that.” are not. It’s just common courtesy. If anyone can’t be nice, then they should just not comment at all.

    As far as real life…yeah, you have to learn to fake it or be prepared to upset many people and possibly be called names.

    Post # 56
    Member
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    View original reply
    @MrsTVLover:  

    View original reply
    @cmbr:  +1

    OP, I think you need to reframe things in a more positive way. If someone shows you their engagement ring, think about how happy you are for them and what a wonderful step it is in their lives – not how disgusting it looks to you.

    While opening a gift, take a moment to think about how lucky you are that someone cares enough for you to give you a gift. Even if it is a ridiculous gift, say thank you and move on. 

    Honesty isn’t bad, but hurting people’s feelings is. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I am actually in the camp that disagrees with Asbergers being a spectrum disorder. Tinnitus is not a condition in itself, but a symptom of an underlying condition or physical cause. It is actually not officially linked to MS at all. There have been maybe a few studies regarding tinnitus and hearing loss as presenting itself during flare ups and not an isolated finding.

    Can you enlighten me of purely biological disorders that only have the inability to control ones facial movements as its only symptom?

    I’ll bring it back to your original post.

    “Would you bees hate to be around me? Or appreciate that everything I say is true?”

     I would most likely not enjoy being around you and think you use your explanation of not being able to control your facial movements as an excuse to ignore basic rules of social interactions and lack the empathy to understand how your choices effect others around you. It is easier to claim people love you for your honesty, than accept that they are simply doing what you are supposedly incapable of….lying to spare one’s feelings.

    Post # 59
    Member
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I really like honesty, but there is a way to word it properly.  There is a huge difference between honesty and lack of tact/manners.  

    Post # 60
    Member
    9916 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I agree with Mrs_Amanda.  You sound like you want to be told that it’s okay for an adult to make faces in the name of honesty, but the truth is that it’s not.  

    The topic ‘I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people’ is closed to new replies.

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