Post # 62
Honestly if you can’t control your stink face, you might want to talk to someone that can give you tools to control it better. I don’t think anyone here thinks you should lie as your poll assumes, but there is a general social expectation that people can be civil even when they see things that aren’t typically things they like. I mean really-someone elses ring would disgust you…please. Be an adult and congratulate them on their engagement and move on.
Post # 63
I simply don’t believe tht most grown adults cannot contol their reactions.
In this situation, when asked to look at someone’s ring, say something nice. “You must be so happy”
I don’t think even if someone asks your opinion, they really want to hear “it’s not to my taste, but you have the perfect fingers for one I saw at Zales.”
You are choosing to be hurtful when kindness is called for.
Post # 64
Oh, and also: of course physiological symptoms have an underlying cause. All I’m saying is that what if Aspergers causes certain chemical disruptions that trigger multiple areas of the brain to function differently, but I have a lesion (or some other disruption) in one SPECIFIC area that causes only this symptom? I’m not saying I know anything more about it than the average person – but to say that I’m either autistic or making a choice is incredibly black-and-white.
Post # 65
I won’t say “that coat makes you look fat” I’ll say “that coat is not cut in a flattering way, but you have the perfect shape for this other fantastic one in a similar style!”
I’m just going to respond to your original question, which was would I enjoy being around you? No, not for extended periods of time. I believe you lack tact in your honesty.
Post # 66
I don’t know. I feel like you’re “fake smile” face can’t be that bad. If I knew you in real life, I probably wouldn’t ever buy you a gift. I was at a birthday party once and the 5 year old opened a gift from her uncle and the first thing she says is “Mommy, I don’t like this.” Ever since then, I ask the mom to tell me what to buy because obviously the child wasn’t taught how to be polite.
It’s good to be honest, but it’s better to be polite.
Post # 67
I have this problem – I call it “compulsive truth-telling” and I don’t try to hide it.
Like you, I try to say something positive in real life.
On the internet, if I see something that I don’t like (or that makes me mad) I usually just close the link and keep on with my life.
A lot of times I will see a post title that annoys me, and if the response in my head is sarcasm than I don’t even bother looking into it further.
Post # 68
I feel the same way as you, and I am actually hurt when people don’t respect me enough to be honest with me – but this may come as a side-effect of my own honesty and knowing that it CAN come from a positive place and not a bratty, cruel, attention-seeking place. It seems like the vast majority of people on here assume the worst about people’s intentions though :S
I can truly say that in real life, I’ve never ever had someone call me rude, and the only time I’ve been called a bitch (I remember it vividly) was when a drunk guy in Australia asked to buy me a drink and I literally said “thank you for the offer, but I have a boyfriend – good luck with the other ladies though!” and smiled. A genuine smile, because I was flattered. He wasn’t happy with that for some reason, and called me a bitch and shouldered me into the bar as he walked away.
Post # 69
I didn’t think it was bad either :S and I always wondered how people could think I was fake, when in my head I was thinking lots of happy positive thoughts! Then my best friend (we went to different high schools) told me in university that she could always tell what I was thinking by looking at my face, and I asked what she meant and she basically gave me about 400 specific examples of when I thought I was faking it well, but she (and everyone else, she informed me) could blatantly tell I was lying.
Then I felt AWFUL, because I knew I could have said something more genuine, but instead gave the socially acceptable response and looked like a lying jerk 🙁
Post # 70
@KhaleesiStormborn: In answer to your original question, whilst I do appreciate honesty, I think it can be delivered with tact, and that all adults are capable of controlling their reactions to things.
Post # 71
@KhaleesiStormborn: I don’t really like to lie, but I also don’t like people to feel bad, so I just come up with truthful things to say that make people happy. Like if someone is clearly over-the-moon in their joy, I just embrace it and say “You look so happy! I’m so glad you love XYZ!”
For example, if a friend has a less-than-cute baby: Oh my goodness, look at those little toes! Hes such a little doll!
Or if my sister wants me to help her pick an outfit and both options aren’t flattering: What about that green dress you have? It looks fab on you. Maybe we can find something similar?
My mom gets a bad haircut: The short cut really accentuates your eyes. I think I still like it longer though – you have to be va-va-voom for Dad! 😉
Post # 72
It is a choice. Plain and simple. You are choosing not to work on masking your true feelings for the sake of others, and that is a choice.
This is a basic skill taught to us as children, and again, learned behavior. Unless you have a psychological/biological condition/reason to explain your inability to control your facial expressions when faced with negative emotions…I got nothing.
I am sorry my inability to praise you for your “honesty” has you very defensive, but hey…at least I’m being honest, right?
Post # 73
Sometimes I think we’d all be a lot more well-adjusted if everyone were literally incapable of lying. We wouldn’t be offended by people who had different opinions, because it would just be a common, accepted fact of life.
I actually went to elementary school with a boy named Adam who did have Aspergers. He was crazy-smart, brilliant in math! He was in regular classes, and we all loved him because it was endearing (and, if offensive, at least comical) how honest he was.
My good friend and I sat next to him in a class in 8th grade, and she asked him if he thought we were pretty. His reply? “Jane (friend) you’re alright looking. It’s good that you play sports, you might get chubby if you don’t. KhaleesiStormborn, you would be pretty if you didn’t have a rash on your face.” (I have always had mild rosacea!)
We both were like “wow! Nobody else would ever say that!”
To be honest, even at that age, I was extremely self-conscious about my skin at the time, and my parents and friends said “you just have rosy cheeks! It’s cute!” Even though it never felt cute.
That week I went and bought foundation. I put it on, and felt like a new person! No more self-consciousness. It changed my life in a positive way, because I finally had someone honest confirm that my insecurity was about something real, and I wasn’t just crazy.
Post # 74
i just can’t imagine this plan of attack would get you very far in the corporate world. if your boss asks you to do a task that you don’t want to do, you can’t say no. you would have to hide your emotions, put a smile on your face and do your job… or you wouldn’t have one very long. not sure how it is much different in retail. to be honest if i was trying on an article of clothing and you told me it wasn’t flattering and i liked it and was planning on purchasing it, i would be offended and your store wouldn’t get my business.
Post # 75
Huh? I never said anything like that :S
And I said from the beginning that I TRIED. FOR. YEARS. And people really hated me for it. I was constantly called fake, and it hurt a lot because I didn’t harbour any bad feelings for those people themselves, I would just react “fakely” to specific things that would apparently be quite obvious.
Post # 76
If I’m being paid to do a job, I do it. Working is rarely someone’s favourite thing to do, but I would never whine or stomp if I was asked to collate 4,000 documents. I’m mature enough to know that a job is a JOB. If I’m happy to get the money, I’m happy to do the job. I’ve worked very successfully in offices before.