(Closed) I genuinely can't fake my reactions, and I hope I don't hurt people

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
  • poll: Do you like brutal honesty?

    I LOVE honesty! It never offends me if it's coming from a kind place

    I appreciate honesty, but sometimes it hurts

    I'm indifferent, general personality matters more than honesty/lying

    I'd rather hear the positives, skip the negatives

    I prefer people to spare my feelings if it's something I can't change

    Kindly fib to me - I appreciate my life choices being affirmed

  • Post # 62
    Member
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    Honestly if you can’t control your stink face, you might want to talk to someone that can give you tools to control it better. I don’t think anyone here thinks you should lie as your poll assumes, but there is a general social expectation that people can be civil even when they see things that aren’t typically things they like. I mean really-someone elses ring would disgust you…please. Be an adult and congratulate them on their engagement and move on.

    Post # 63
    Member
    47439 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I simply don’t believe tht most grown adults cannot contol their reactions.

    In this situation, when asked to look at someone’s ring, say something nice. “You must be so happy”

    I don’t think even if someone asks your opinion, they really want to hear “it’s not to my taste, but you have the perfect fingers for one I saw at Zales.”

    You are choosing to be hurtful when kindness is called for.

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I won’t say “that coat makes you look fat” I’ll say “that coat is not cut in a flattering way, but you have the perfect shape for this other fantastic one in a similar style!”


    I’m just going to respond to your original question, which was would I enjoy being around you? No, not for extended periods of time. I believe you lack tact in your honesty.

    Post # 66
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t know. I feel like you’re “fake smile” face can’t be that bad. If I knew you in real life, I probably wouldn’t ever buy you a gift. I was at a birthday party once and the 5 year old opened a gift from her uncle and the first thing she says is “Mommy, I don’t like this.” Ever since then, I ask the mom to tell me what to buy because obviously the child wasn’t taught how to be polite. 

    It’s good to be honest, but it’s better to be polite. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I have this problem – I call it “compulsive truth-telling” and I don’t try to hide it.

    Like you, I try to say something positive in real life.

    On the internet, if I see something that I don’t like (or that makes me mad) I usually just close the link and keep on with my life.

    A lot of times I will see a post title that annoys me, and if the response in my head is sarcasm than I don’t even bother looking into it further.

    Post # 70
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee

    @KhaleesiStormborn:  In answer to your original question, whilst I do appreciate honesty, I think it can be delivered with tact, and that all adults are capable of controlling their reactions to things.

    Post # 71
    Member
    1210 posts
    Bumble bee

    @KhaleesiStormborn:  I don’t really like to lie, but I also don’t like people to feel bad, so I just come up with truthful things to say that make people happy. Like if someone is clearly over-the-moon in their joy, I just embrace it and say “You look so happy! I’m so glad you love XYZ!”

    For example, if a friend has a less-than-cute baby: Oh my goodness, look at those little toes! Hes such a little doll!

    Or if my sister wants me to help her pick an outfit and both options aren’t flattering: What about that green dress you have? It looks fab on you. Maybe we can find something similar?

    My mom gets a bad haircut: The short cut really accentuates your eyes. I think I still like it longer though – you have to be va-va-voom for Dad! 😉

    Post # 72
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  It is a choice. Plain and simple. You are choosing not to work on masking your true feelings for the sake of others, and that is a choice.

    This is a basic skill taught to us as children, and again, learned behavior. Unless you have a psychological/biological condition/reason to explain your inability to control your facial expressions when faced with negative emotions…I got nothing.

    I am sorry my inability to praise you for your “honesty” has you very defensive, but hey…at least I’m being honest, right?

    Post # 74
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    View original reply
    @KhaleesiStormborn:  i just can’t imagine this plan of attack would get you very far in the corporate world. if your boss asks you to do a task that you don’t want to do, you can’t say no. you would have to hide your emotions, put a smile on your face and do your job… or you wouldn’t have one very long. not sure how it is much different in retail. to be honest if i was trying on an article of clothing and you told me it wasn’t flattering and i liked it and was planning on purchasing it, i would be offended and your store wouldn’t get my business.

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