Post # 1
I had a serious heart to heart with my boyfriend last night. I’ve been struggling, being very emotional- I’m sure you all know what I mean. I told him after we went ring shopping together I was expecting a proposal any time. He said he didn’t know that and proposing isn’t even on his radar yet. He said a proposal won’t be coming for another month or two.
I guess my situation is a little different because we are getting married this coming summer. We have a date set, a venue booked and our family knows. Only one thing is missing- he hasn’t asked me to marry him.
I feel conflicted about knowing a proposal isn’t happening right away, but soon. I guess I mistakingly thought that if he wants to marry you he will move heaven and earth to propose to you right now this instant. He’s just not ready yet, he wants to make it special and me breaking down crying every time a person congratulates us on getting married or calls me his “fiance” doesn’t help. He said if he proposed right now I’d feel guilty because I’d feel like I pressured him into it (unfortunately he’s right).
I’d love to hear your thoughts and see if anyone else is waiting while planning a wedding.
Post # 2
I don’t understand how people aren’t engaged and are planning weddings? If he’s not ready to propose, how will he know he’s going to be ready next summer to get married? Genuinely interested, not trying to be snide.
Or did he just propose without a ring so you dont consider it official?
Post # 3
Iheartmyairman: If you are planning a wedding, you’re engaged, you just don’t have a ring yet. There are others on these boards in a similar situation to you. There is a lot of pressure on men these days (I blame social media) to outdo eachother with proposals and rings. He’s probably just making sure that your proposal will be spectacular. It sounds like he’s already agreed to marry you, so I wouldn’t be worried. With my FI and I, we had a discussion in the car one day and decided to get married. We were engaged at that point, once my ring came in he officially asked me to marry him, out of tradition I suppose.
Post # 4
What made you guys come to the decision to plan a wedding (in the very near future, nonetheless) without being actually engaged?
Post # 5
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
SithLady: They’re engaged when THEY consider themselves engaged. It’s rude to tell her she’s already engaged when a proposal is clearly an important step to her. People can plan these things without being engaged because the decision is up to them, not what other strangers consider them as.
Anyway, OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way *hugs* Please try to take a step back, 1-2 months isn’t very long, the time will especially fly by with the holidays and maybe he just wants to get that out of the way first before he can focus on properly asking you. He clearly wants to be married to you, so try to relax! You’re well on your way where you want to be, he IS on board with since it seems like you’re planning this wedding together, so it sounds like he simply needs a little time to get things together so he can propose how he wants to. I’m with you though, my SO and I have been discussiong marriage (VERY in depth), and he hasn’t proposed yet even though I know he has the ring. It’s unbelievably irritating when strangers try to tell me I’m already engaged, like they have the right to make such a personal decision for me, but I try to focus on wedding planning and knowing I have the love of my life with me, as do you, and he will certainly come around in due time.
Post # 6
No worries, I’ve gotten a ton of curiosity from friends who know our situation. His brother actually cornered me two weeks ago to ask what the hold up was- why weren’t we engaged?
He said he wants to ask my parents permission in person (even though they already know and am helping me plan a wedding). They live 700 miles away, so we’ll see them around the holidays.
I’m having a hard time with it because he hasn’t proposed period. Not with a ring or without. We’ve known for months we wanted to get married so it was easy to start planning a wedding. He continuously tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and can’t wait to marry me this June. But we haven’t officially announced our wedding plans, our extended family doesn’t know and neither do some of our friends. We’re holding off on save the dates and announcements until after we are “officially engaged.”
Post # 7
I’m in a similar boat, but (for the most part) have been able to keep my cool. My SO and I went to get my ring size back in March. I knew my SO would have to go through some trouble to get the kind of ring I wanted, but I accepted that. I guess I never knew just HOW much trouble it is! We discussed the season/year we wanted to get married in May. By June, his mom was introducing me as his fiancee to everyone. By August, we discussed all the hypotheticals of our future wedding, made a guest list, and my stepson told me that his dad has one of the rings and he’s waiting for the other one. By beginning of September, we had a venue and exact date in mind (9/19/15). You can imagine, by the one year mark, I had a breakdown. I said, “I don’t see the point in waiting another month.” He replied, “I agree.” (Still waiting!) Early October, we booked the venue… we also went to his friend’s wedding where EVERYONE (including the bride and groom) were asking us about what we’re doing for our wedding and exactly when it’s going to be (SO spilled the beans at a bachelor party). We’ve now also booked the photographer, room blocks, ordered (and received) save-the-dates, and we’re now working on booking a florist…. The goal was to send the save the dates in November. I’m at my wits end right now, trying to keep my cool. I get a lingering sadness lately, but I won’t talk to him about it because I KNOW it’s coming. I’ve already waited so long, I can wait a bit more… plus, it’s so important to him that I give him his moment!
I hope that offers some peace of mind. You booked the wedding. It’s coming 🙂 At this point, the proposal is for him to show you what he’s got 😉 You have nothing to lose.
Post # 8
TwinkleBoss: Thanks! I know, engagement is important. No matter how convoluted it will turn out to be and we’re expecting it. Hopefully it can be a bit of a surprise 🙂
Post # 9
So I’m confused… you have a wedding planned and he hasn’t ask you to marry him yet? If this is the case, and he’s not ready then why is a wedding planned?
Post # 10
I genuinely don’t understand why you two are doing things backwards. Why book a venue and have your family know you’re getting married when you’re not even officially engaged?
Unless there are extenuating circumstances I don’t understand why you’re willingly putting the horse before the cart and then getting upset about it.
Post # 11
memorieslff: It’s an agreement. Why does one person have to formally ask the other? If you openly talk about your wedding, it can turn into openly planning it.
ETA: Venues also book up quickly. We agreed on a date before he proposed, and if we didn’t book it when we did (prior to the proposal), we would have likely had to have our wedding in a different geographic location (since any later it gets cold) or the following year. Her wedding is in June! If they wanted it in June 2015, most venues would have been booked up for Saturdays by this previous summer…
Post # 12
Iheartmyairman: My FI and I knew we wanted to marry each other, and since venues/caterers/photographers were booking 14-18 months out, we booked our venue and photographer before we got were officially engaged (and we didn’t tell anyone we were planning a wedding until I received a ring – that point alone gave him a nudge to propose because he wants all our friends and family there).
After we went ring WINDOW shopping, it was almost another 6 months before he proposed. And he did it in a very sweet, well-thought out way. I didn’t mind waiting for it – they day was very special for us (and the gopro got some pretty good pictures of him getting down on one knee!) I would have said yes, even if he proposed with a teddy bear.
Post # 13
Iheartmyairman: Well in that case I’d have to say that he’s already made the decision to spend the rest of his life with you, which is the most important part! He is probably just trying to surprise you and make the proposal spectacular.
I’m in waiting mode because he has said we will be married within the next year, but doesn’t want to propose quite yet. After much prodding, he said the reason he hasn’t yet is because he wants it to be special and a surprise and it’s hard to do that when I’m expecting it. So, I’ve taken to shutting up about it in hopes it comes faster, lol.
Post # 14
Iheartmyairman: If you have a date set, I can presume you agreed to marry each other?
Congrats, you’re engaged.
Post # 15
damarajade: No need to be defensive. I was genuinely curious because he said he “wasn’t ready yet” and usually people that reach an agreement are both “ready”.
And, obviously, she wants to be formally asked.