(Closed) I got FI “cybering” with someone online, what to do?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

just read through it all, and i think you made the right choice. by giving him a date and time you’re laying down the limits, and letting him know that what he was doing is not okay in your relationship.

definately keep us updated. this must be really hard after being together for so long…

Post # 138
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Definitely not too harsh! I think that’s perfect, and I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself. Be sure to keep us updated!!!!

Post # 139
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My heart goes out to you @sexisammy4u! I think your feelings and concerns are 100% valid, and you have taken the very mature approach to handle this situation. I don’t think that making him go to a couple’s therapist is harsh at all! I think that it shows that you are deeply in love with him and that you will do whatever it takes to try to make this situation right. Hopefully he will put the same dedication into you two’s relationship. Let us know how therapy goes.

Post # 140
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I can totally see this guy cheating on you.

Don’t marry him.

Post # 141
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was reading your last update and I am glad to hear you are taking things step by step and in a way that is comfortable to and respectful of your feelings. I had to check back on this thread because I kept thinking about you. I know that if you follow your gut instincts and stay true to your spirit, you will have the outcome that is healthiest and best.

 

And to  MsBrooklynA
  … If you read my comment, I try to make sure everyone understands that I am voicing my personal feelings about the matter. Obviously, my statements are of my own thought process and should, in no way, be thought of as me speaking for anyone but myself. I try to speak honestly on this board, giving advice from my heart. I am sorry that I offended you, but please understand that an opinion can’t be wrong. I respect yours, please respect mine.

Post # 142
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

not too harsh at all! Very forgiving on your end. Hopefully he will go in with a better attitude than when it was just you and him talking about it.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through a similar situation with my very serious college bf. When it happend 3 times with nothing changing, i kicked him to the curb.

I really hope that the therapist will help your relationship. Stay strong!

Post # 143
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

oh helllll noooooo

 

that is NOT ok.

 

end of story.

 

i hope you two can work it out. been there too.

good luck <3

Post # 144
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that it is great that you confronted him and then after cooling off found a counselor that you both can meet with.  Telling him if he wants to fix the relationship he will show up to the appointment is, in my opinion, a great way of putting the ball in his court and letting him decide if he wants to continue on his path or on a path with both of you together.   Finding one that is also a sex therapist will benefit both of you in the long run.  Good luck and I hope he shows up!!!!

Post # 145
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

girl you are crazy! this is cheating! and i wouldnt marry him! thats not only disrespecting you but how embarrassing!  Its obvious hes not happy, or he wouldnt be doing these things…

Post # 146
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

NOT TOO HARSH! perfect. some of us would have tourched his clothes…so go you. you might actually make this work out. Good luck.

Post # 147
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, my, GOSH. I can’t even imagine how hurt I’d feel if I’d caught the man I’m set to marry doing something like that. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t physical; the fact that he can sit there and engage in something like that free of guilt and behind my back would kill me. Plus, how do you know he doesn’t have an emotional connection with this girl? An emotional affair can be worse than a physical one. And I’d worry that he’d turn to cyber sex after we got married too.

Please, confront him, and go with what you think is best for YOU, okay? I’m so sorry that this happened. If you’re feeling bad about this, don’t let anyone convince you to feel otherwise; this is your life, your relationship, and your marriage. It will not go away unless you confront him about it, and soon.

Take care, and God bless you love.

ETA: I scrolled up after I posted, and I saw your update! NO, that was a BRILLIANT move girl. Let us know how it goes, okay? Maybe he can get help and you two can work this out. And if not, therapy can help you both in other ways, for the better. Good luck to you, and be proud of yourself, because you’re handling this beautifully. As coffeekitty said, lol, I would have DEFINITELY torched his clothes, or maybe tossed his computer out the window.

Post # 148
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

what was his response when you handed him the business card of the therapist? was he receptive or did he still act like you were making a big deal out of nothing?

Post # 149
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

how did he react? how are you doing? let us know, please update!

Post # 150
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Shit, I can’t believe he fobbed you off like that.  You should start dating men at restaurants  then see how he likes it.  If he says anything say “I’m just eating, I’ve been doing it for years”.

Post # 151
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

what??!! i can’t believe he said all those things to you. that’s horrible. i don’t think you are being too harsh at all. this is completely serious, and if it is not addressed and you decide to stay with him , things could get really ugly, as other posters have said, and i too think he would probably physically cheat on you years down the road. you be strong and DON’T let him tell you it’s not a big deal!!!

ugh….what nerve!

you deserve so much better than that…

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