@Bee-Bee – you said,
“I mean, seriously, he just gets aroused by chatting some other girl up sexually and then wants to go and touch you and sleep with you? You don’t think he is thinking of HER????”
I think it’s just as likely (probably more likely) that he’s thinking of his fiancee while he’s cybering, than the other way around. He knows what his fiancee looks like, what she’s like in bed (presumably), etc.
@Bee-Bee – you said,
“it’s a matter of respect. To make things simple, would you do this yourself to your FI? “Hey sexy, I want to kiss you all over and see you buck naked. Wish I could run my hands all over your body right now”. SERIOUSLY???? COME ON NOW ! How disrespectful is that??? And the difference is, its a REAL person OP’s Fiance is cheating with and not a character in a novel or some bad actress in a porn. This is wrong on so many levels. His reply to OP was hurtful.”
I’m not entirely sure what you’re asking. Are you asking if I would cyber with someone else while I’m with my husband? Probably not, but I usually cybered with people I already had an emotional connection with. Either long-term on-line friends, or an on-line boyfriend, or something. Once I was in a real-life relationship, I stopped my on-line flirtations. But I can see someone cybering with random people and having no emotional connection at all, as I’ve also done that before. It has zero meaning and is just a more involved sex-scene from a book, basically. That’s how it was for me.
Which is why I think we need to know more information before we can pass judgement on this guy. If he’s cybering with someone he knows in real life, that’s not okay. If he’s cybering with one specific person that he has an emotional connection with, that’s not okay. If he’s cybering with random people that he doens’t know and probably doesn’t cyber with again, that might be okay (depending on the OP’s views on such things).
Also @Bee-Bee, please don’t pass judgement on me when you don’t know me. If my husband didn’t care if I cybered, then how would I be being disrespectful to him if I did? It all depends. And if the person on the other side of the screen gets connected, that’s their problem, not mine, right? As long as everyone’s upfront with intentions, it can be an acceptable way to get aroused or have fun, in my opinion.
@Bailzoe – you said,
“I have, when I was single. It was with someone from an online game that I ended up getting to know more, cybering with, talking with, etc. and meeting in real life months after it started. It became a toxic relationship for 3 years of my life. Turned out he had a girlfriend (I was single) and wanted me on the side too, all started from “innocent” online conversation/cybertalk. Anyway that is in the past and could be talked about for pages and pages, but isn’t worth it.”
Thank you for posting your experience. I agree with you – if this person that the OP’s Fiance is cybering with is one specific person that they are starting to form a closer bond with, that is an issue (I have been in a similar situation as you). But if what he’s doing isn’t even close to what you did, or what I did (formed real relationships from on-line ones), then it might not be as bad as people assume.