(Closed) I got FI “cybering” with someone online, what to do?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 122
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

The thing that sticks out isn’t the fact that he is doing this (personally I think it is cheating) but that he is dismissive to her feelings. I am sure when she approached him about it later, it was a mixture of hurt, sadness and anger and instead of validating those feelings and even being emphatetic, he just…seemed to laugh it off. This was important to the OP,she was clearly hurt and he didn’t seem to care! That is what is sad. If he can’t stop for the sake of her, then what the heck? I am so sorry this is happening to you OP, I really am. The most important thing is to heal yourself, be intiutive to yourself and you do have every right to nurse yourself because you have been hurt. Whatever your decision may be, I hope that first you take care of yourself.

Post # 123
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

IMO – the husband needs to love his wife, everything he does for her should be out of love, wanting the best for her & doing what’s in her best interests. the wife needs to respect the husband, trusting him & listening to him (not like a robot that does whatever he says). a husband & wife are “one”, they are a team. with what he’s doing, he’s not showing love to you. what he did probably took away most respect you had for him. a marriage without love & respect (not saying you guys don’t love/respect each other at all) will be extremely hard work. I think you need a break from each other for awhile & see if you can work thru it.

If he was nice to you in every other way, treated you very well & just has this 1 hang up… its possible that in the future he may change. However, an 8 year old habit is gonna be extremely tough to break. Especially if he was hiding it. & also based on his reaction, would you trust him when you’re not home & he’s home all day on the computer to not do it again? That’s something you’re going to want to decide for yourself. Unless you see a drastic change in him over the next few months, I wouldn’t get back together with this guy. If he was sneaky about that your entire relationship, maybe he’s hiding much worse things.

Not all guys do this, I hate when people say “oh its a guy thing” cause its not. I know a lot of guys who think things like that are wrong. Also, someone said that girls would fall for some really hot guy falling from the sky, but I can tell you if any guy, I don’t care who it was, came to me, he wouldn’t compare with my husband. My husband is amazing & no one could compare to him, ever.

Post # 124
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@serabell: My comment was a joke because women act like they NEVER fantasize about other men. Ever. Not once in their lives. It is completely hypocritical. Lighten up.

I love my fiance, but I also give him room to do “guy” things like look at nudie magazines and watch porn if he wants to. Does he do it all the time? No, but I’m not going to get bent out of shape about it. It’s a woman’s naked body and it doesn’t scare me or make me feel threatened.

Post # 125
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

ugh, I also hate the classification it’s a ‘guy thing’ or ‘all guys do it’. There are guys who don’t have cybersex, own playboys or watch porn… My Fiance is one of them. I feel bad for all the men that are shoved into some classification system based on others sexual turn-ons.

Completely random question at serasvictoria: What is BIE/PIE? I tried to google it and all I found was pot pies… that can’t be it 🙂

Post # 126
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@serasvictoria – ok, I didn’t realize it was a joke. Its been a crazy day for me so I guess I didn’t read it that way.

Post # 127
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The problem with this for me is that he is interacting with another person (even if it’s a 70 year old man pretending to be a woman).  I understand that guys look at pictures of naked people sometimes and fantasize but interacting with someone really bothers me!

Post # 128
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@punky: BIE is Boobs in Email. I will let you guess what PIE is. 😉  I think it is a farkism.

Post # 129
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@serasvictoria: bahah, thanks! I learned something new today Wink

Post # 130
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@punky_brewster: Yes, if anyone ever asks if you want some PIE from now on you will be a little skeptical. LOL

Post # 131
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@serasvictoria: My Maid/Matron of Honor hates pie with a passion… perhaps this has something to do with it!

(sorry to OP for minorly hijacking the thread there 🙂 )

Post # 132
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@puny_brewster: Mmm….I love me some pie…the eating kind though.

EDIT: Embarassed  The PASTRY kind!

Post # 133
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@serasvictoria: You made me lol!!!

Post # 135
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Definitely not too harsh. You did the right thing! I hope he shows up and that everything goes well!

Post # 136
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think it is good & not too harsh. If he goes, than he’s probably willing to work things out. If he refuses, than you have your answer. At least you both have a few days to think things over before you meet with them. You are awesome for being willing to work with him on this… good luck & keep us updated on how you’re doing!

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