Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I effing hate the term bridezilla, because now every time a bride has a strong opinion, she gets saddled with it. It pisses me off.
Yesterday, I sent my three bridemaids a fairly long email. I kept it really lighthearted and funny but basically told them the following info:
- What color/style dress to get (I’m leaving this pretty wide open; I’ve assigned each of them a different color and they just have to get a simple, knee-length dress in that color).
- They can do whatever they want with their hair and makeup.
- Instead of a bachelorette party, I just want a simple dinner with my girlfriends. It doesn’t have to be expensive. I want no inflatable penises, no clubbing, etc.
- I don’t need a bridal shower, but if they want to throw me one, that’s fine. But keep it low key, i.e. a backyard BBQ or something. They don’t have to rent out a restaurant.
Two of the three BM’s (my sister and a friend) responded back that I was being a bridezilla. WTF? Yes, it was a pretty long email with a lot of specifics, but I think I’m being very easygoing and flexible. They were probably kidding when they said it, but they wouldn’t have said it if they didn’t think it at least a little bit.
I think that people can either be accomodating or they can be rigid, they can be pleasant or they can be bitches. I think that I’m being both accomodating AND pleasant, but because I have strong opinions, I get bridezilla’d.
Have any of you been called a bridezilla?
Post # 3
Wow that sucks and seems so…inappropriate! You sound like you were so accomodating! I have not yet been called one, but I’m sure it’ll happen at some point. I have met a bunch of bridezillas though…
Post # 4
That doesn’t sound bridezilla-ey at all to me!!
I think that you should be allowed to express what you want for your wedding without having to censor yourself because people will call you a bridezilla.
I haven’t been dealt the bridezilla card yet. I’m kind of keeping quiet to avoid confrontation.
Post # 5
Yes, and mostly by people who aren’t married or are very much against marriage. I think a lot of the stereotype comes from ignorance. I’d write them a sweet email back saying that you’re sorry if they thought you came off that way but that you think you’re being very reasonable and just letting them know how you feel about certain things (like the bachelorette and the shower) and then leave it.
I’m sorry they saddled you with a label!
Post # 6
It sounds like you are being SUPER easygoing, actually one of the most easygoing brides ever! Not sure quite sure why the thought of “bridezilla” would have even entered their mind! For the record- I hate the term bridezilla as well!
Post # 7
How annoying! Espeically where you were being so accomodating. Not only that, it lets them know what to do, so they aren’t guessing half the time, unlike several weddings I have been in, where we were just EXPECTED to know what the bride wanted. Ugh. I haven’t got the bridezilla label yet, but my parents and future in-laws have sometimes remarked “oh, you don’t need to know the details of that yet, why are you thinking of that now???” and it drives me bonkers. I want to be as minimally stressed as possible – so there is nothing wrong with taking care of details early and being straightforward about what you do and do not want.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
Thanks for the support. 🙂
It really came as a surprise considering that I’m going out of my way to be as flexible as possible.
Post # 9
You seemed helpful to me! maybe b/c you put it in one long email? Don’t sweat it. I’ve seen bridezillas and you’re not it. 😉
Post # 10
I’ve been called bridezilla but only in a kidding way, I’ve never really taken it too personal but I can completely understand why you would. It can be personal sometimes but don’t let it get to you. You’re certainly allowed to be bridezilla since it’s your day!!
But I do agree with the other posters, as far as I’m concerned you def. seem easy going! I definitely wanted a bridal shower but I’m right there with you on the bachelorette party. LOL sorry they called you that girl..just let them know it’s a touchy name with you & if they’re your friends they should totally respect that!
Post # 11
I agree that it sounds like you are being anti-bridezilla–you’re letting them know that you’d rather have something low-key for the shower/bachelorette, which is by definition not-bridezilla, and you’re letting them pick their own dresses and hair/makeup!!! That is the antithesis of being bridezilla!
My mom and dad keep calling me bridezilla because I do things like, you know, research cake bakers and photographers, and I think it’s because a) they don’t really know what the term means and just think it sounds funny and b) my sister didn’t really do anything for her wedding, just sort of hired a bunch of random vendors, so they’re not used to the idea of having your s–t together. I really hate that this term gets applied to women who are not being bitchy in the least and are just getting stuff done–it seems really sexist to me.
Post # 12
I called my older sister Zil for short in the last few months before her wedding. I’d say “No problem, Zil I’ll get the alcohol for the limo exactly to your specifics!” But I was just joking adn I completely understood the difference between giving everyone information and wanting things to be done correctly to stressing everyone out and making unreasonable demands.
I’d just ignore them or give them a wink reply 😉 b/c your email was nice and non-demanding and informational. It is waaay more annoying when a bride gives NO information about what she wants. It was so awkward when my friend woudln’t tell us when we had to arrive, what time hair and makeup was, when pictures were, how she wanted us to wear our hair, etc. ALL things we needed to know! And my Fiance was traveling to a foreign city by himself having NO information about the schedule for the wedding. I felt so bad.
Post # 13
Awwww – that sucks! FWIW – I don’t think you’re being a zilla at all. (((hugs)))
Post # 14
I always get called a bridezilla when I have a strong opinion about MY wedding by my mom AND sister.
My mom does it because my idea of our wedding is not 100% traditional and so therefore I am a bridezilla.
My sister calls me a bridezilla because I REFUSE to let the BM’s have a dress with pickups on it. My dress has no pickups, my sister wants to have freaking Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses that are all southern belle. That style is FINE but not in MY wedding, it has nothing to do with our fall theme and I just honestly don’t like the style. I’ve told her that a million times before, so what does she do on Saturday when we tried on dresses? Picked out and tried on a dress that was bigger than mine with pickups. Of course everyone said she looked great in it, which she did but I was the Bridezilla because I said no immediately. It just wasn’t in my wedding vision at all.
Post # 15
I also think that people who have never planned a wedding have no idea of the stress we are under from parents, deadlines and just daily life so if you snap a bit at them because god forbid you don’t want a head table or a dress with pickups you are categorized as bridezilla. I can’t wait for my sister to get married and have all the stress that I have from my mother and FI’s mother. Oh it will be glorious so she knows how I feel right now!
Post # 16
Ugh, I agree, I HATE the word bridezilla! I blame that stupid show on WE. I was called the b-word on several occasions, and my husband (then FI) would get so mad and defend me and say, “She’s actually a really laid-back bride who just wants to make sure she’s getting what she pays for!” It was nice to hear that 🙂
Gosh, it’s like, brides who simply want to ensure a nice day for everyone are automatically b-zillas!