(Closed) I got physical with DH during a fight… Help!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Why do you think your action of moving him to get the bear was abusive?  Is he saying it was?

I don’t think what you did was phyiscal abuse – as I read what you wrote.  But, you were there and you know if you did it to harm him.  I understand you were trying to move him to get your bear – and, I’m putting myself in your shoes and could see myself shoving Darling Husband to do so and I wouldn’t catagorize that as abusive.

Post # 4
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Um, I don’t think I’d consider shoving him to get something back that he took abusive, but it does sound childish. Seriously, the two of you sound like my siblings fighting when they were younger. It’s good that you have a counseling appointment set up. It sounds like both of you have some growing up to do.

Post # 4
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i’m with oracle.

Post # 5
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like things got out of hand but I wouldn’t consider you abusive. You both acted like children, but I wouldn’t say anything that happened is a red flag. Maybe try to move up the counseling appointment.

Post # 6
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think forceably taking something that belongs to you from another person who’s refusing to give it to you is inappropriate. But I wasn’t there, so maybe it was more violent than it sounds?

Post # 7
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hisgoosiegirl:  You took ALL of the words right out of my mouth. I do not consider your behavior to be abusive. I do, however, feel that you BOTH have a lot of maturing to do. This is not a healthy, normal adult relationship. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you two?

Post # 8
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i think you both need to step back and realize u were arguing about a stuffed animal. while there may have been other issues brewing, just take five steps back to look a the bigger picture. but i dont think u did anything wrong, you pulled him towards u, not like u beat him up or anything.

Post # 8
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I dont think it was necessarily abusive but I agree with you that you crossed the line. I mean what if he had done that to you?
The first step is to recognize you were wrong and you did! I think you guys will be fine. Just try to remain calm when talking about the incident from last night. Alot of people let emotions take over and dont think about what their saying before they say it, etc…. all in all you have to learn to fight fair. Dont cuss at each other, dont raise your voice. just be as civil as possible. Wishing you lots of luck and love. Hope your counseling can help! *hug*

Post # 9
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think that is abusive, I was waiting for you to write that you threw your cell phone at his head or punched him in the face or something.  But pushing him out of the way so you could get your stuffed animal that he was childishly keeping from you isn’t what I’d define as abuse.  Is there a bruise on his shoulder today?

Post # 10
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It doesn’t sound absuive to me? Please do not think that his behavior is okay. He owes you a huge apology. 

Post # 10
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

None of this sounds abusive to me, at all.  Just really, really childish.  A fight over a stuffed animal?  You are married ADULTS for goodness sake!  It’s good that you guys are gonna go to counseling.

Post # 11
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Glad to hear that you are going to counseling because to me it just sounds like you need to work on your relationship and the way you communicate when you aren’t happy with one another. But abuse? No I wouldn’t consider what you did getting physical at all.

Post # 11
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Physical contact in an argument is never okay as it only escalates a situation. That being said I can relate to you as there was one time several years ago (and one time only) when I attempted to hit (slap) my Fiance and I felt horrible, disgusted and beyond guilty about it.

You say that you were arguing a great deal before this event. I found through personal reflection that my act of potential physicality was the result of much pent up frustration that I felt or believed I couldn’t vocalize to my Fiance. I just felt exhausted and frustrated and all I could do at that moment was swing at him. Since then we have been much more open to each other and are communication is honest and immediate rather than letting it build up.

I am glad that you have counseling ahead as this will aide in communication and hopefully resolve the pent up frustrations that you may have. As for tonight’s discussion I say just remain calm and be open and honest.

Post # 12
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Honestly, when I was reading, I didn’t see your actions as abusive. I understand that it can be a slippery slope, but I don’t think grabbing his shoulder to try to get to your bear would be considered abuse. And again, honestly you both were acting pretty childish. Withholding your stuffed animal to punish you? Extremely childish. Counseling definitely sounds like a step in the right direction.

People have bad days, it’s human nature, and no one is perky 100% of the time, and it sounds like your husband was upset that you were in a mood. I get it, I get those moods occasionally, and my husband had to figure out that it’s best to just let me work through it myself instead of trying to fix me.

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