Post # 1
Member
39 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees!
Thank you all of you for reading my long and boring rants about the bridesmaid from hell. Thank you for all your advices, I just want the world to know I’ve done the impossible.
I woke up this morning and decided i was not going to live another day being angry about someone who clearly does not care about me. I picked up the phone, and got rid of her.
This was done with no harm, not argument, some passive aggressiveness (but that’s the only way to minimize damage..) I feel bad about this, wondering maybe i should just tell her why she’s upsetting me, but I realized she doesn’t reallie care, if she cared, she wouldn’t have done what she has done, despite my multple attempts to forgive and forget and to give her chances to show me she is actually is a friend.
Some may not agree that I did not actually have a heart-to-heart with this girl about how I feel, but after 2 years of giving her chances to listen to me and open up to me, I gave up trying. Nothing needed to be said.
I’ve done the impossible – I took control of my wedding.
Post # 3
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
good for you. I hope your day leaves you with many wonderful memories
Post # 4
Member
1139 posts
Bumble bee
Good for you. We are having 2 attendants…our best friends…to avoid the bridesmaid drama. lol. Isn’t it great to feel all the weight lifted off your shoulders?
Post # 5
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
* claps *
I heartily wish I had done what you did prior to my wedding.
Yay for taking power back 🙂
Post # 6
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Honestly from reading your posts you life is full of drama from all kinds of sources and when I read that I kind of look for the common denominator (ie you). So yeah I definately on the team that thinks you handled it wrong and in a very unfriend like manner.
Sorry but I really hate posts that are all I did something unpolite/rude/mean/immature (pick whatever adjective fits the right circumstances) so congratulate me.
Post # 7
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
I hope that by getting rid of your uncompromising Bridesmaid that your wedding day is everything you wanted it to be! Congratulations on getting married!
Post # 8
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
@j_jaye:I just searched through her posts from the last 10 months because I was curious as to what you were talking about and every one was pertaining to this same bridesmaid.
Normally I would say this would be wrong but considering the problems that you have had from the beginning I would agree with you this time. You obviously weren’t happy and it sounds like all she wanted was some business.
Post # 9
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@Luayne: OP had a list of things she hated about her wedding and the Future Sister-In-Law and other BM’s were there as well as being annoying or doing displeasing stuff.
Post # 10
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
@j_jaye: Yeah I read that…there was one thing about Future Sister-In-Law and one thing about Maid/Matron of Honor not helping which seems to be a pretty common complaint from almost anyone on this site. Heck, I could say a few things about my friends and family too but at my age, I don’t mince words and tell them straight up.
This one Bridesmaid or Best Man though was a consistent issue through every one of her posts though and that is a huge difference. Too often people put up with things just to keep the peace or because of what others will think when it is the other person being passive aggressive or sometimes downright abusive. This Bridesmaid or Best Man was not nice and she was not happy with her in wedding so had every right to say that it was done.
Post # 11
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
So glad that you took control of your wedding and happiness. People can judge all they want about the possible rights and wrongs in this situation – Don’t listen to any more negativity! I think you have had enough. I hope you have a really wonderful wedding day and now you can relax and enjoy yourself!
Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
@j_jaye: I really don’t think that she asked to be congratulated at any point in her post. She was updating the situation – as she had written about this problem a few times. Yes, she announced she had achieved the impossible. For all you know she had felt that to do this was impossible….and I don’t mind writing my congratulations to her for having the guts to do it.
From reading her post I think getting a pat on the back or congratulations is far from her mind. At no point in the OP did she ask for validation of the choice she made. To me the OP reads as relief that she has finally got control over a situation that she was finding intolerable.
Post # 13
Member
39 posts
Newbee
Thank you everyone for being so supportive!
No – I was not looking to be congratulated. I just wanted to scream and say I’ve finally done something for me. I understand that some would think that it is mean but I wish those who think that understand that there are different points of view out there. Not everyone is lucky enough to go through wedding planning drama-free and everyone should be allowed to be emotional on some days.
I might have done something unspeakable, but I feel good because it is something that is GOOD FOR ME.
Post # 14
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
@ebotlsrm:‘I might have done something unspeakable, but I feel good because it is something that is GOOD FOR ME.’
And that is why it is a good thing…sometimes we need to do things for our own emotional well being no matter what anyone else says. This situation was unhealthy and was a major contributor to your unhappiness when dealing with a time in your life when people should be happy for you and contribute positively (although that doesn’t often seem the case).
The life lesson in this is that it is ok to set boundaries and to call people on them when they have crossed them. This is a process that can take a long time to learn (some people never do) especially to lay out in black and white and say ‘This is the line you crossed’ so I’m removing myself from the situation. It has taken me 20+ years and an abusive marriage to learn. I no longer allow toxic people/relationships in my life (including my own sister). I find people can be critical about it but it is mostly because they are intimidated by the fact that you are taking control of your own life and I’m not so sure they know how.
Post # 15
Member
9207 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@Luayne: I agree with what you said in your last paragraph but the OP really should have done this 10 months ago! Instead she led this girl on with false hope about a friendship that didn’t even exist to the OP! Taking control of your life also means learning how to treat other people!
Post # 16
Member
39 posts
Newbee
@j_jaye: I did not mean to LEAD HER ON. I wanted to give her chances, if I knew I was going to do it 10 months ago, I would have done it then. I don’t think anybody would cry over the same Bridesmaid or Best Man for 10 months with the intention to fire her 2 weeks prior the weeding, myself included.