Post # 106
curiousbee83: You did make reference earlier in this thread to the fact that he had “demons.” So unless you were talking in hindsight, it sounds as if you knew he had something going on, even if you didn’t think he’d do this.
“There is another” rather than “there is another woman” and “living a lie” does make me wonder if you’ll eventually learn he is gay.
From some of your spelling and word choices I’m assuming you are not from the US. Do you need to show fault where you live?
Post # 107
Ugh, he sounds like a true coward, one who is living in an idealistic fantasy world right now. Boy, will that change! I hope he keeps serving himself up on a platter for your divorce lawyer. I mean really, texting that? What an idiot! Great job protecting yourself and trusting your instincts not to engage with him.
I really hate his “apology.” I once dated a guy like this, who dumped me in a gutless way and then came back with some pathetic apology that was really all about him/an attempt to control the narrative. I wish you the best of luck without him, although the way you’ve been bossing up, I doubt you’ll need it.
Post # 108
He says You have been a loving wife. I hate to cause you harm., yet serves you divorce papers while you’re at work?? Wtf?? That’s usually what people do when they’re trying to cause their ex harm. What a dumbass.
Post # 109
weddingmaven: When I said he has his own “demons”, I was referring to the fact that when a man just up and leaves his wife with no communication and no clear sign of why, there has to be something wrong with him. There’s no other way around it. Thus, he has his own demons. As for “another”, yes, I joking laugh to myself that maybe it is a man that he left me for. If so, there’s nothing I really have to say about it. A homewrecker is a homewrecker, I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, gay or straight, if they knew that he was married, shame on them. If not, I hope their arrogance doesn’t come back to bite him or her in the rear later on in life. And no, I do not live in the United States, although I think it might be a pleasant move for me. Thoughts? Recommendations of cities to live in?
peridot456: minniegrace: Thank you for your support. I agree minniegrace, I think it’s more hurtful to deliver such a request/news in a social setting rather than private. I can’t tell you the embarrassment I “self -endured” after that happened. Peridot, yes, I agree. Very much a coward. But there’s nothing I can do now. I can’t change a man. He’s shown me who he really is and the upside of that is that I can move on knowing that I am not missing out anything worth having.
Post # 110
I just wanted to log in and say stay strong. My ex husband did this to me…worse I was deployed to the Middle East. I was in Iraq when I got a notice from the bank that my account was overdrawn. Worse this man had my power of attorney. Each person is required to give someone a power of attorney when they deploy. Naturally I gave mine to the husband so he could still take care of our kids while I was gone. I wasnt spending any money so it should have all been in the account. Over there the internet is sketchy so I didnt have alot of time to check the bank.
Three months before Im due home Im broke. The military helped me set up another account that I could put my money into. However I worried about what was happening with my children. I got home from the deployment and he wasnt there. I go to the house we were living in and he had sold our house. I called the school just to find out where my kids were. He had left them in their school and started renting a house somewhere else and was letting a female live there with my children. She was a drug addict and she had some shady people. Those shady people were attempting to get my son and daughter into the car with them and leave when a neighbor came out and invited them over to their house to play. Turns out that neighbor was a soldier and my kids had previously told his kids that I was deployed. They could have been taken by god knows who and god only knows why two old men were trying to take my children.
It happens to the best of us. I was so angry and more so as I found out everything. He got credit cards in my name and let his girlfriend max them out and never paid them off. He sold our house and kept the profits…it was a nightmare. The court ordered him to repay me so I could pay off the credit cards and ordered him to give me half of the proceeds for the house. He has done neither.
That was almost a decade ago. Now im remarried and I have spent years paying off debts that I know I will never get back.
Good luck to you and stay strong. Dont let anyone get you down. On the brightside, one of these days you will meet someone amazing who loves you truly and isnt looking for what they see as greener pastures.
Post # 111
curiousbee83: I commend you on the way you’ve handled this whole thing. I had a similar situation with my exFI about a year before I started dating my Darling Husband. I fell apart, I lost like 30 lbs, I was a zombie. I was just a shell of a human being. After a few months I got stronger and I felt like a better person for what I had been through. Especially since I’m not really one to let other people affect me that way but like you I was completely blindsided. I think its amazing that you are so strong. Congrats!! Just keep your head up and keep that positive attitude!
Post # 112
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
If I got surprise divorce papers and my life just fell apart, the last place I’d be hanging out is this website.
I’m calling bs.
Post # 113
dracarys: meh I beg to differ. I’ve seen people come here for rape, bodily function issues, abusive spouses, divorce, etc. I don’t see the point in blaming her for coming here. I mean, she did say that she doesn’t have many friends where she is and that her fam can’t be on the phone all day, so what better place to go for support than here? I’ll always help a woman out in need for useful advice/reality check/support.
Post # 114
dracarys: Some people have no close friends outside this site, so I can believe her. Also, if you got served divorce papers at work, it’s a pretty embarassing thing because (1) your coworkers now probably is gossiping about you and (2) that sh*t is too raw and embarassing to be telling fam and friends just yet.
When my ex and I decided to call it quits, it took both of us MONTHS before we could start telling folks. It’s THAT embarassing even though people hace justifiable reasons, it feels like the end of marriage is a failure on both side and that can be tough to face.
I mean yeah this site is slightly whack, some chics are cray, others are bitchy (me!), but you know at least that they lend advice when needed. Sometimes all someone need is to know that someone else is reading their emotions on a thread and is devoting at least 5 minutes of their time replying. Hey, to others, that’s more care and love than most IRL friendships.
Post # 115
curiousbee83: Keep that last sentence you wrote committed to memory. ☺That kind of thinking will get you through the darker hours. You are awesome!😀
Post # 116
curiousbee83: when my college ex and i broke up years ago, in an attempt to get me back he would send me these lofty text messages. He would call me “my beloved” “darling” or my personal favorite “my beautiful flower” *gags*. This guy would text in “l33t” speak 99% of the time which made it even more bizarre. When I showed the texts to some girlfriends they mostly responded with the same responses here “who the eff even speaks like that?!” It was almost like he lifted some of the phrases and words from a Bronte sisters’ novel.
I read the whole thread and I’m glad you are able to find peace in the situation. Truth be told, I probably would have lit the shit he left behind on fire.
Post # 117
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
goodriddance88: I’ve seen those posts too. They just don’t happen the day of the incident. But if it’s on the internet, it must be true.
Post # 118
curiousbee83: I know people who text like that! It isn’t too unbelievable to me. I even text like that when I am replying to the assholes. OP, you seem to have a firm grasp on things and you’re headed in the right direction. You. Will. Be. Fine. I promise. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but you’ll get through it. You weren’t born with him, you had a life before him and you will build a life after him. I do so solemnly swear. Keep your head up.
Post # 119
OMG – that is horrible beyond words!! I am so sorry…for that to happy to anyone is horrible, but it makes me feel physically ill to think that happened while you were serving our country 🙁 …thank you for your service!
Post # 120
I agree with pp that he is probably gay. His note said I have fallen in love with another. There seems to be an obvious word missing here. Also, I have been living a lie. I am so sorry op that you are going through this.