Post # 1
Hi Bee family,
This is my first official post (although I’ve been commenting for a while) but I thought you lovely bees could give me some advice.
For the first time since I’ve been a waiting, i was asked the dreaded, “so where’s the ring, i thought you would be engaged by now.” Although well intentioned, it stung a little bit. I am curious aabout any witty responses you ladies have used to ward off these types of questions that arent a “well, we’ve discussed it and it should happen soon blah blah blah.”
Any responses welcomed!
Post # 3
Its no ones business!! i hate this quetsion! You got the man and thats all that matters. I would probably say that too!
Post # 4
@mrsaxachef: Before we got engaged, I always told everyone that asks – do they really think they’re being helpful btw?? Lol – “That’s not my department, ask then-SO!” with a smile.
Post # 5
@mrsaxachef: ugh i hate that question. i know there are some people that have asked me that and i’ve so badly wanted to go, “why are you wearing a ring? i thought you’d be divorced by now!”
Post # 6
I never gave any excuses or long winded responses, at the end of the day it’s no ones business. Plus, I always find it to be a little odd when someone goes way into detail. I would always just say something like your guess is as good as mine or make a joke about it.
Post # 7
Ahh, I usually just say the same thing as you, or I add in there that we are waiting to save up some more money or whatever. I’m really non-confrontational, so I don’t have the guts to say something snarky to anyone!
Post # 8
@mrsaxachef: I used to just smile and turn around. It’s no one’s business and it’s just so annoying when people ask that. Maybe, I don’t want to marry, you know. 🙂
Post # 9
Post # 10
@mrsaxachef: You could try acting really confused until the other person lets the question drop. Make the other person really spell out their line of thinking and hopefully they will eventually get the hint that they’re being rude and intrusive.
Post # 11
Thanks ladies! It is soooo rude! And it really caught me off guard! and after i started to have my 2 minute pity party, i wished that I had a snarky reply!! I will be sure to use some of these next go round!!
Post # 12
@mrsaxachef: You say, “ask my boyfriend,” he probably knows when the proposal is happening.
Post # 13
Hate those questions. It’s a fine balance between not sounding annoyed as you are thinking the same time, and being overly ecstatic and smiling about how everything is fine as is. I’ve been fielding all kinds of questions from my family about whether SO is “marriage material” lately and I’ve started pretending I don’t hear them.
I remember I was only dating my SO a couple of weeks and we were out and ran into his former manager, whom SO hadn’t seen in a while and whom I had never met. A minute into conversation the manager said, “So when’s the big date?” SO and I looked at each other, and I had no idea what he was talking about at first but then clued in. It was incredibly awkward.
Post # 14
I ran out of snarky replies a bit ago. Lol.I used to make a game of it though, and see what sort of outrageous or offensive reply I could say, assuming it was someone I didn’t like or didn’t know very well. If it was a well intentioned friend I’d just change the subject.
This got me thinking though… About why people ask this so much. I might need to do a spinoff thread.
EDIT: You know, never mind about a spin off thread! I don’t feel like putting myself out there so I’m going to post my rant here where it can be lost in a flood of comments, lol.
You know what I find most ironic about the question? Its almost ALWAYS asked to the woman. Yet its still the cultural norm that men are supposed to propose. My SO has been asked once in three years of dating. I’ve probably been asked at least over 100 times, that being a conservative estimate.
So why is it, though it’s ‘the responsibility of the man to propose’ the onus for NOT being engaged is put on the woman? So when its the man’s responsibility it is positive, but it’s negative when it’s the woman’s responsibility?
Sorry that’s just fucked up!
No wonder women who ‘have to wait’ for a man to propose go through emotional phases and deal with feelings they know make no sense or have any logic. We’re being fed BS contradictory messages about a woman’s place in advancing her relationship.
I get it. Some people are perfectly well intentioned in asking. I’m not trying to flame anyone who has ever asked that question. I get it, it’s not the end of the world when someone asks the question either and that other peoples words only have as much power as we give them. I just feel that subtleties in language and expression like this really highlight how as a culture we perceive social relationships and situations.
Post # 15
@southsun: +1. Amen to this. I wish someone would ask my SO and stop asking me about it.
Post # 16
I hated this question! Leading up to our engagement, it seemed like I was getting asked this at least once a week by friends and family. I would ususally say something like “No idea, ask him!” So annoying.