(Closed) I guess I’m a terrible Catholic :S

posted 11 years ago in Catholic
Post # 1
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I don’t go to church regularly.  But, I was Baptized, got Holy Communion, and Confirmation. I went to all Catholic schools, up to high school.  When I was younger, my Grandmother would take us to church walking, but we moved further away from the church, and she got old and couldn’t leave the house.  My parents are Catholics, but they never went or took us to church.  So when I was older, I would sometimes go with my friend and her family to their church.  But I never went to any church regularly.  A few years ago I went to Christmas mass at the church close to my house, and I left feeling really mad and terrible because the priest pretty much scolded everyone (the once a year christmas church ppl) and said, “if u don’t come to church every week, don’t come up for communion because you are sinners and u need to go to confession, and you don’t deserve to take part in Jesus’ body!”  So ever since then I have felt like I don’t want to belong to that parish.  But now that marriage has come up, I am feeling that I do want get married in the Catholic church because that’s what I was raised believing in, and I do believe in still.  But, I just find that they are being so unwelcoming if you haven’t been going to their church giving money to them every week.  It’s like church is a business. Jesus would never turn people away, and tell them go back to that other church where you were baptized, which obviously I don’t attend anymore.  As of right now, we are very frustrated trying to find a Catholic priest.  But, more than one Anglican priest has offered do it, even if it’s not even inside a church.  I don’t know what we should do, we might just end up getting a Justice of the Peace and that’s it.  If you get married by an Anglican priest and you are Catholic, what happens? 

Post # 3
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

*hugs* I’m really sorry that your priest worded it like that, but also, in his defense, going to church on Christmas and Easter is not acceptable in the Catholic church. My whole (extended) family is Catholic and they would agree with your priest. Maybe you could find another parish that you feel more comfortable attending? As for the “getting married by an Anglican priest”… I don’t know what you mean by “what would happen?” but I would imagine the marriage might not be recognized by the Catholic Church.

Post # 4
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry your priest was so harsh. Unfortunately that is true in the Catholic church. If you don’t go every Sunday, you need to go to confession before accepting communion. I don’t think they feel you are a terrible Catholic though!

I just started going to an Anglican church after being raised Catholic. There were just some things I didn’t agree with in the church, so decided to try making the switch. I believe the only thing that would “happen” if you got married by an Anglican minister is that the Catholic church would not recognize your marriage. If you’re not going to church, then this really shouldn’t matter.

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I know it’s not acceptable in the church, but obviously a vast majority of ppl do that.  Since church is only packed full of ppl on those days.  And I have been in 3 weddings where I know the couple never went to church either, but they “knew the priest” and one was the priest’s cousin.  I guess I mean what would happen as in…is the catholic church going to be mad and like excommunicate us or something for being traitors?

Post # 6
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@ ottawabride   I don’t really know anything about Anglicanism (is that the word?), just that my great grand mother was one.  I think I learned in school that Henry the VIII started it in England cuz he wasn’t agreeing with the Catholic church??  What is the major difference?

Post # 7
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

There are several differences but I have found it is pretty much the same.

1. Like you mentioned, they accept divorce.

2. They allow females to be ordained.

3. They are supportive of birth control

That’s all I can think of at the moment. The masses run basically the same and a lot of the prayers are the same.

Oh, also, they don’t require you attend every Sunday in order to receive communion. They also don’t require you to be baptized Anglican to receive it. If you are baptized any religion you can take communion.

I kind of find it to be a more liberal version of Catholicism.

Post # 8
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I should also add I am in no way an expert and go to church about twice a month!

Post # 9
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time getting married in the church.  I know some areas are… stricter… about belonging to a parish in order to have a Catholic ceremony.  And I’ve definitely noticed that people who have “connections” to a church (e.g. knowing the priest, having a relative in the parish, etc…) sometimes get the rules bent in their favor.

If having a Catholic ceremony is really important to you, which it sounds like it is, maybe you could contact your local diocese?  The diocese might be able to point you in the direction of a parish or priest who is more liberal on this front.  I’ve also found parish secretaries to be great resources in the wedding planning process.  Secretaries can often tell you what the rules of that parish are and if there are any priests who might be willing to work with you even if you don’t exactly meet the requirements.  If you do get married by a non-Catholic priest, maybe your best bet would be to look into a post-ceremony Catholic blessing or convalidation ceremony.  Good luck in your search!

Post # 10
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I really like how the Anglican priests were very liberal and accepting, even though we weren’t Anglican.  And wow they are supportive of birth control?  I had this guy (not a  priest, but very religious missionary type guy) give me a lecture about that once.  He actually a customer of ours, and one day he just started talking to me, cuz he saw my e-ring.  And he started this lecture about NFP and told me that birth control pills are “aboratory”.  And when I said that fiance and I live together, he almost had a heart attack and said that we’re pretty much 60% doomed for divorce, according to his statistics.  But we have been together for 12 years, the only reason we aren’t married yet is because, first we were in school, then college, then my mom had breast cancer, THEN, right after that his dad had throat cancer.  And there was no way we were gonna get married during that time with any of our parents missing or sick.  (They are both finished with their treatment and doing good btw).  I just thought he was being really judgemental and he didn’t even know the whole story.

Post # 11
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Thanks for that idea of Post-ceremony blessing Mrs. Spring sounds like a good idea

Post # 12
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

To answer your question about what would happen if you got married in the Anglican church- I think the Catholic Church just wouldn’t recognize it. So they would probably tell you not to take communion until you rectify the situation (i.e. get your marriage recognized by the Catholic church- in which case you’d be in the same situation that you are in right now).

And unfortunately, I agree with your statement that a church is like a business. How else will they get money to run the church and its programs without donations from parishoners?

Post # 13
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just to add to the list above – Anglicans no longer have true Apostolic Succession.  In the Catholic Church, every priest has been ordained by a bishop, and like a family, descended from the original 12 Apostles, and Peter, the 1st Pope of the Catholic Church. 

Because of this broken line, they also don’t have the “true presence” of Jesus in the Eucharist… which… brings me back to the OP….

“But, I just find that they are being so unwelcoming if you haven’t been going to their church giving money to them every week.” 

The church doesn’t want your money.  Do they need it to keep running? Yes. In some ways they ARE a business.  They have staff they need to pay (who barely get paid.) They have Air Conditioning to run, they have lights and power to pay for, and programs to help those in the parish and community.  However, the church is first and foremost a “community” “One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic.”  We NEED you in the church. Your presence not your money.  Just like in the bible, Jesus recounted of those who would come to temple proclaiming all the money they would give, and he praised the small widow who gave but 1 small coin.  We are a community, and a part of the body of Christ, so while his delivery really was off, Yes, We NEED you… your presence, your prayers, your participation in the Heavenly Liturgy which is, The Mass. So, don’t let him turn you away.  Priests are human… they say things that aren’t kind at times. I do too… 

And, The church (since the time of Jesus) required active and frequent participation in the liturgy.  Since, we believe, that by receiving communion, we are PHYSICALLY receiving Christ, it only makes sense that we are as pure as possible.  After all, when a guest comes to your home do you not clean house first? You are recieveing the Body of Christ and are them sent to bring him to others. This is why we leave so quickly after communion. You would think that with all that just happened on the Altar Jesus would want us to stay and bask in the Heavenly glory… but no, “The mass is ended, let us go to love and serve the lord.” 

“IF” you were to be married in an anglican church, or not within the practices of the Catholic church, then your marriage would not be recognized.  Just like when you were baptized, Marriage is a Sacrament, just as important. After all, there’s only 7, well 6 if you include the fact that Marriage and Holy Orders are a “choose one” kind of deal.

It seems you do love your faith, and the church.  So, I would either find a new church… or just begin attending regularly… I think you’ll find blessings in going back… 

You sound a lot like my best friend.  If it wasn’t for the fact that she passed away 8 years ago, I would think you were her.  She too was baptized, but parents never went.  She came with my family and I to mass every week and then completed her Sacraments, about 4 months before her death.  It’s hard to break the cycle but it can be done. I wish you all the best, and keep us updated!

Post # 14
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

KLP2010 Sorry about your best friend, I got goosebumps reading that paragraph.

And yes I know they need money to operate, but we are not in the States. We are in Central america, there is no church in this country with air conditioning.  And staff is pretty much minimal, and minimum wage is equivalent to $1.50 US. But about the “church is a business” comment, I was talking about this specific church (with the harsh priest) just finished building the most humungous addition like in the whole country, that they’re calling a “media center”.  It is like bigger than the actual church, 4 stories tall and they have hired artists to paint religious scenes on the domed ceiling, they’re starting a radio station, with rooms for missionaries and volunteers to stay in, etc. But, then everyday I see this crippled homeless woman in a wheel chair, sleeping on the church steps.  I don’t know if they give her money or food, but she literally sleeps on the steps.  Shouldn’t the church help her more instead of painting murals on the ceiling with the collection money??

Post # 15
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

WHOA! You’re in Belize??? I’m getting married there!!!! I, too am Catholic.  I looked into a Catholic wedding in Belize and actually found a priest that wouldn’t marry me on the beach, but that will come and give a Catholic blessing during the ceremony.  

He is in Belize City, and I totally forget his name, but I have it written down in my Belize stuff.  He sounds like a really nice guy.  Maybe you could talk to him.

 

I am getting married by my priest here in Kansas before I come to Belize so that I don’t have to go through Convalidation. (That’s where you have to wait a year to have your marriage recognized by the Catholic Church if you marry outside of it).  

 

Is your Fiance Catholic?

I’m so excited I found someone on here that lives in Belize.  What do you do there?

 

Post # 16
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Just wondering what the difference between a Catholic marriage blessing and a convalidation ceremony is? (or are they the same thing).

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