(Closed) I guess I’m supposed to be mad she got married first?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. ๐Ÿ™‚

It seems to me that your Mum is sharing your sisters life with you because you two are sisters, sounds very normal to me. I’m sure when she speaks to your sister all she would talk about is you. There’s no need to be jealous, set it aside.

Your mum is trying to be helpful, is doing her best and she seems very interested in your wedding. She’s using your sisters wedding as an example since its an occasion you can both relate too and have attended. It seems like your getting frustrated with your mum because she isn’t fullfilling your expectaions, what is it that you want from her? If it really bothers you have a calm face to face talk with her about how your feeling. Make a time to sit down with her and go over your theme and details or orgainse a shopping day with her and your Future Mother-In-Law to go out and look for their outfits. Just remember she is your Mum and I’m sure she loves you with everything and is super excited for you.

Also if I were you I would use your sisters day as a learning tool, pluck her brain and learn from her mistakes and her experience as a bride. Then take that info and make the day your own! I would Love to have a married sister to help me through the planning process, seize the oppurtunity!!!

This is the most exciting time of your life, be happy, smile and laugh at the caos. Use this time to bond and enjoy this time with your Mum and sister and bridesmaids of course.

Happy planning!

Post # 4
182 posts
Blushing bee

First off, congrats on your upcoming wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ !!! You must be so happy & excited, and you have every right to be!

Oh man, I totally understand you. Me and my sister are related by blood but that’s IT, we’ll like fire and ice, two total opposites. She likes things big, lavish, flashy, all about her. I like things simple, down to earth. You can tell how different we are just by the way she had her wedding and how I’ll have mine. My parents gladly whipped out $40k for her wedding, and let her do whatever she wanted with it. WHATEVER-SHE-WANTED. Invited every Tom Dick & Harry on the guest list, bought a ridicously over the top expensive wedding dress, and so on…and now they complain & whine about it. Meanwhile, when I’m getting married, they want to have a say in everything that I’m doing and what I’m spending everything on and who I’m inviting.

I understand your frustration, and I’m not here to sugar-coat anything, even if you’re happy for her (it is your sister afterall), you have your OWN wedding to think about and you have every right to be frustrated when your own mother is pushing that aside! If you don’t want to talk about your sisters wedding, that’s your right. The next time your mom calls, you really should tell her another time, or honestly tell her how you feel. I’m sure she’ll understand, she is your mom afterall. Sometimes a person can only take so much of someone elses business, sometimes you want the attention to shift over to you a bit, especially if you’re getting married. Your wedding will be a wonderful, glorious day I hope, and everyone will be happy!! Especially you and your future husband! 

Post # 6
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  I am in a similar-ish situation.  Mom and sister are inseperable, I’ve been engaged for a little over a month to a man that everyone loves (but not as much as me :D), my sister just started dating a guy and they are talking about getting married next year, pretty much a month or two before my wedding.

At first I was upset, but now I’m just thinking of it as an opportunity to learn from another’s mistakes, or even brilliant ideas!

Post # 7
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@manako: Now I can see the full picture and can understand why your feeling the way you are about your Mum. Its such a shame she isn’t getting more involved when your trying so hard to include her in your choices. If your Mum acted the same way during the planning of your sisiters wedding maybe its her way of letting you take control of your day and making your own choices. All you can do is ask and let her know when you have made appointments to orgainse things for the wedding and see what her response is. She may need to hear that you would really like her to be more involved and to come along with you. 

With my planning I tried really hard to involved my Future Mother-In-Law for two reasons, to become closer and because she hasn’t got any daughters and I want to make sure she gets the wedding experience. For everything I invited her to, including wedding dress shopping, she said no, but I would ask again and say ‘Its something I would really like you to come to with me’. She would finally say yes and come along. I’ve heard from other people that she didn’t want to seem like she was getting in the way but was really pleased she was asked and glad she had came and shared this stuff with me. Maybe you can try this with your Mum.

On the bright side your sister sounds like she will help alot during the process, how lovely she is doing your escort cards for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think I’d stop talking about the wedding with my mother.  If she can’t focus on me, why even discuss it?  And if she does bring up sister’s wedding, I’d just ignore it and switch topics or mention how I’m busy enough with my own affairs to worry too much about hers.  In other words, do the same to her.  Don’t follow the conversation.  ๐Ÿ˜›

Sorry your mom isn’t giving you the attention she should… but maybe if she realizes that you’ve closed up about it, she’ll ask and want to be more involved.

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