Post # 1
So my sister who is 14 months younger than me got engaged, and then married first. Before the wedding planning really got underway I realized that I didn’t really care. We are night and day different, so our weddings will be too. I love my FI’s family, so I have their full support and my parents are pretty aloof.
Didn’t mind being second.
I call my mother on the phone, and all she wants to do is talk about my sister. My sister’s job, husband, drama. If I switch the topic to my wedding, either she continues with previous discussion OR she brings up my sister’s wedding.
Mother-In-Law is so excited, she want’s to talk dresses with you. disolved into a rant about why eveyone is fixated on color, and then a full recap of what happened at my sister’s wedding. I interupt, ask her if she means that she doesn’t want to coordinate and just go out and find a dress…she says no… and continues rant. She asks what Future Mother-In-Law is wearing, I tell her short, unless she wants to wants to wear long, and that Future Mother-In-Law is going to wear sleeves because she is not comfortable with her arms. Response: 5-10 discussion of how she won’t find something with sleeves… really?!
She also thinks my sister was quick to tell everyone and her neighbor she was engaged was specifically because she got it first (and not because she has loved attention since she was born.)
Theory is that she is just negative, and can’t focus on the good things. Next time she brings up her wedding I suppose I can be super blunt and tell her I don’t care–we’re different.
Post # 3
Congrats on your upcoming wedding. 🙂
It seems to me that your Mum is sharing your sisters life with you because you two are sisters, sounds very normal to me. I’m sure when she speaks to your sister all she would talk about is you. There’s no need to be jealous, set it aside.
Your mum is trying to be helpful, is doing her best and she seems very interested in your wedding. She’s using your sisters wedding as an example since its an occasion you can both relate too and have attended. It seems like your getting frustrated with your mum because she isn’t fullfilling your expectaions, what is it that you want from her? If it really bothers you have a calm face to face talk with her about how your feeling. Make a time to sit down with her and go over your theme and details or orgainse a shopping day with her and your Future Mother-In-Law to go out and look for their outfits. Just remember she is your Mum and I’m sure she loves you with everything and is super excited for you.
Also if I were you I would use your sisters day as a learning tool, pluck her brain and learn from her mistakes and her experience as a bride. Then take that info and make the day your own! I would Love to have a married sister to help me through the planning process, seize the oppurtunity!!!
This is the most exciting time of your life, be happy, smile and laugh at the caos. Use this time to bond and enjoy this time with your Mum and sister and bridesmaids of course.
Post # 4
First off, congrats on your upcoming wedding 🙂 !!! You must be so happy & excited, and you have every right to be!
Oh man, I totally understand you. Me and my sister are related by blood but that’s IT, we’ll like fire and ice, two total opposites. She likes things big, lavish, flashy, all about her. I like things simple, down to earth. You can tell how different we are just by the way she had her wedding and how I’ll have mine. My parents gladly whipped out $40k for her wedding, and let her do whatever she wanted with it. WHATEVER-SHE-WANTED. Invited every Tom Dick & Harry on the guest list, bought a ridicously over the top expensive wedding dress, and so on…and now they complain & whine about it. Meanwhile, when I’m getting married, they want to have a say in everything that I’m doing and what I’m spending everything on and who I’m inviting.
I understand your frustration, and I’m not here to sugar-coat anything, even if you’re happy for her (it is your sister afterall), you have your OWN wedding to think about and you have every right to be frustrated when your own mother is pushing that aside! If you don’t want to talk about your sisters wedding, that’s your right. The next time your mom calls, you really should tell her another time, or honestly tell her how you feel. I’m sure she’ll understand, she is your mom afterall. Sometimes a person can only take so much of someone elses business, sometimes you want the attention to shift over to you a bit, especially if you’re getting married. Your wedding will be a wonderful, glorious day I hope, and everyone will be happy!! Especially you and your future husband!
Post # 5
Thanks for the wellwishes!
@bridetobe7844: I don’t know, I asked my sister if she talks about me a lot, and she said no… she was pretty shocked to hear that she talked about her so much.
But its like.. trying to talk about her numerous times from various angles about the dress she wants to wear, and instead of excitement I hear the drama from my sister’s wedding, all 3 times. I’ve been trying to get her involved, with the invitation list, picking a venue, helping to figure out how I’m going to decorate over the mantle at the venue… and its like pulling teeth to get answers. My sister had the exact same issues, and while it was going on my mom was complaining about not being involved, so I’m trying to involve her.
I think the hardest part with the situation is that my FI’s family is so involved, and my friends are excited too. I am very greatful that I have awesome people in my life and kinda lame that when they ask about her… its awkward.
We all live far apart from each other, but my sister is always quick to ask what is going on with wedding planning, and wants to know what she can do to help me. She’s the one who is supposed to be difficult, but she is doing her best. She is going to caligraphy all my escort cards for me!
It’s like “inhale, focus on the positive!” but ughh…. what am I supposed to do with my mom…
Post # 6
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I am in a similar-ish situation. Mom and sister are inseperable, I’ve been engaged for a little over a month to a man that everyone loves (but not as much as me :D), my sister just started dating a guy and they are talking about getting married next year, pretty much a month or two before my wedding.
At first I was upset, but now I’m just thinking of it as an opportunity to learn from another’s mistakes, or even brilliant ideas!
Post # 7
@manako: Now I can see the full picture and can understand why your feeling the way you are about your Mum. Its such a shame she isn’t getting more involved when your trying so hard to include her in your choices. If your Mum acted the same way during the planning of your sisiters wedding maybe its her way of letting you take control of your day and making your own choices. All you can do is ask and let her know when you have made appointments to orgainse things for the wedding and see what her response is. She may need to hear that you would really like her to be more involved and to come along with you.
With my planning I tried really hard to involved my Future Mother-In-Law for two reasons, to become closer and because she hasn’t got any daughters and I want to make sure she gets the wedding experience. For everything I invited her to, including wedding dress shopping, she said no, but I would ask again and say ‘Its something I would really like you to come to with me’. She would finally say yes and come along. I’ve heard from other people that she didn’t want to seem like she was getting in the way but was really pleased she was asked and glad she had came and shared this stuff with me. Maybe you can try this with your Mum.
On the bright side your sister sounds like she will help alot during the process, how lovely she is doing your escort cards for you 🙂
Post # 8
I think I’d stop talking about the wedding with my mother. If she can’t focus on me, why even discuss it? And if she does bring up sister’s wedding, I’d just ignore it and switch topics or mention how I’m busy enough with my own affairs to worry too much about hers. In other words, do the same to her. Don’t follow the conversation. 😛
Sorry your mom isn’t giving you the attention she should… but maybe if she realizes that you’ve closed up about it, she’ll ask and want to be more involved.
Post # 9
@BonbonBunny: I’d do the exact same thing.