(Closed) HELP! I guess it's my turn for crisis :/

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
233 posts
Helper bee

Wow – that is a lot to take in.  I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this so close to your big day.  I don’t have any advice for you, but I am really sorry to hear about your dad’s emotional outbursts.  🙁

Post # 4
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Is it possible that other members of the family could help chip in so you don’t have to take out a loan?

Post # 5
35 posts

Is postponing the wedding not an option? until you save up a little more..

Or maybe.. selling a car? Maybe both of you could arrange to live with just one car until  all is paid off… Just a thought

Post # 6
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not get a loan can you tell him the money is due now and ask him to send it now? Then if he does this again at least you have it? :/ I’m sorry!

Post # 7
15418 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It depends on how much of a loan you’d have to take and how long it would take to pay it off.  If it’s like 4k, and you could have it paid off in 4-6 months… sure, I’d just go for it.  But if its 4k, and it would take more than a year to be able to afford to pay it off.. then probably not..

Post # 8
1 posts

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation! I hope your father has a change of heart. You’ll figure out how to handle it though!

Although not ideal, I’d say postpone it until you can fund it yourself. I had to delay my wedding which was supposed to happen last year since my fiancé got laid off and we were paying for it ourselves. It was hard but not the end of the world. 

Good luck!

Post # 9
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Do you have any idea what is going on with your dad? Is he depressive or possibly abusing alcohol? The things he did and said were obviously pretty bad and you have every right to be upset, but it’s just not normal for someone to totally change behavior like that. If I were you, I’d be worried about him and try to have a serious face to face chat to try to find out what’s wrong and encourage him to get help. I’d also encourage him to see a doctor because an unknown medical issue could be at play.

Post # 10
11259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

wow, sorry to hear that.  is there anyway that you can cut back on some of the wedding?  a less expensive meal, no cocktail hour, no open bar, fewer guests, smaller photography package, postpone the honeymoon, etc.  there are ways to keep the venue and everything in place and not spend as much money. 

this happens more times than you can imagine.  it’s too late now but i would have still saved up and paid for everything myself and if dad contributes, that’s just a bonus.

good lesson to all.  don’t spend it until you have it in your hands.

Post # 11
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

The other PPs made good suggestions.

Your dad has been inconsistent your whole life so it’s no surprise he’s doing it now. He’s shown consistently his word can’t be trusted. In the future, never rely on him again. Either way, it sucks for you and I’m sorry it happened. 

Post # 12
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I was wondering about the drinking also. Could he maybe be doing these things while drinking? Honestly it’s not politically correct to say so but if you can find an interest free card for a year and pay it back within the year that’s what I would do. But only if you can pay it back in that time frame


Post # 13
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@StephieBee:  Is it possible he’s bipolar?  I am not kidding…name calling innocent victims because he had a ‘bad day’ is pretty wild, even for a ‘moody’ person.

There is a GREAT credit card out right now that I got for the wedding.  I have the cash, but really wanted to build up points because I always pay cash and I wanted to build up for honeymoon stuff.  It’s 1.5% cash back across the board and 0% interest for 18 months. I normally don’t suggest going into debt for a wedding but I REALLY do not recommend a loan from a bank.  The CC market is shot and a personal loan is going to run you 11-24% right now – so not worth it.  At least this way, you have 18 months to pay it off and you get points.


Even if he does come through with the money, you can just apply his $ to the balance of this card.

ps.  This happens A LOT on these boards.  Dad’s are freaks.

ETA – and if you’re worried about timeframe, I rec’d the card 7 days after I was approved.  Crazy fast.

Post # 14
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@MrsElopement:  I too agree, personally if a person is known to be “flaky” consistantly, I really wouldn’t be too trusting of his word and definitely would’ve had some sort of “back up” plan in place.

But I’m so sorry you’re going through this, especially so close to the wedding. As PP have mentioned, if you can postpone the wedding for a few more months while you and Fiance save, I’d do just that. I wouldn’t recommend taking a loan out, but as a PP mentioned if it’s somewhat “small” (less than 5K) then that’s something you both should be able to pay back within a few months, so if all else fails and your balance due isn’t too much (again less than 5K) then go for the loan. Good luck!

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