- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
When it comes to these things, my advice is to just let it go. It won’t help things by going off on her, or to even calmly tell her how disappointed you are. I would send her one last e-mail that says, “we need to send our final headcount to our venue by [date], and if I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll assume you’re not coming.”
If she doesn’t respond, I would just consider the friendship over. It would have been find if she replied back and apologized, and said she couldn’t come, but not responding is really rude and distasteful, and honestly, she could be trying to send the message that she doesn’t want to put the effort into your friendship anymore.
Also, we’ve always been very honest with each other. And we call each other out on things. So its hard for me to just sit back on this. But I think I will from now on, for my own sanity.
I know just how you feel – I asked my “best friend” from grade school to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, she declined, then said she’d be a bridesmaid, only to back out a few months later saying she had some furniture to buy. I tried to keep in touch with her and she avoided my calls/texts/IMs/emails… until she sent me a message saying her fiance coudlnt make the wedding but could she bring her best girlfriend from high school in his place. We didn’t do +1’s for single guests, and don’t really think it’s cool to ask to substitute when it clearly said her fiance’s name on the invite. She said that she was coming anyway, couldn’t wait… and then we got her RSVP in the mail that just said “decline” with no note or anything. Weddings really do show people’s true colors, and the sad thing is, they’re usually not pretty.
Anyway I feel like she is done with me. That she never intended on coming to our wedding and held off on sending back the invite so she could buy a little time before ending our friendship. I feel like that was her last step in saying it’s over…I know exactly how you feel. It hurts when you think somone is close to you and they let you down…agian.
Let me start by saying, I’m sorry you’re feeling put off by your friend.
Now, personally, I think this is one of the reasons its so difficult to collect RSVP’s! People who can’t come put off their ‘no’ response because the bride and/or groom react like it’s a personal affront. That because someone doesn’t attend YOUR wedding that they can never be a real friend again.
There can be a whole host of reasons why someone can’t attend. And I don’t think that everyone feels obligated to pour their guts out.
I think you should leave it be. Check in with her WITHOUT mentioning the wedding or her RSVP. She’s one person, count her in our out, whichever works best. And let it go. After the wedding touch bases about what was going on during this time.
That being said in my case I really do feel that the friendship is over. The girl I speak of never response to my calls, text, FB messages. I’ve asked her many times to get together and she either says “let make plans” then never gets back to me when I try to make them, or simply just doesn’t respond (more common). I also NEVER bring up our wedding to her. Even when she was still my Maid/Matron of Honor I would wait until she asked about it and tried to keep the conversation on her and her life. Even when she said she couldn’t come I simply said it would have been nice to have me big sis there and followed by asking how she was and how her condo was coming along. She didn’t respond. With any of the other No response I would not react this was but this particular one gets to me.
@7SEVENJ9 and SandDollar, I’m sorry you guys can relate too! but thanks for sharing, I appreciate it.
@MsCharisma, I think you missed my point – I would have understood if she said No, I’m not even complaining that she gave an uninformative response. I’m upset because there was no response whatsoever, even after I let her know its not a big deal, I just need to know for sure. I have tried checking in with her, but she doesn’t respond, and I don’t think she will between now and the wedding. But I do think that if a close friend, who has told you they will definitely attend, changes their mind, they should provide some kind of explanation (or at the very least tell you they have changed their mind!). At least, that’s how I would treat someone.
@Carmel bride- I would just text or email her and say something like “I didn’t receive your RSVP, I am assuming you are not coming. I am sad that you won’t be there on this happy occasion but look forward to seeing you soon, hope all is well”
That way it gets the point across that yes you know she isn’t coming but doesn’t end the friendship. If she doesn’t call/email etc you after the wedding then you know she obviously isn’t a friend but was too chicken to tell you. Also it leaves no pressure on you to contact her at all if you don’t want to.
I’d just let it go for now! If you do email her, just say that you will be busy the net few weeks with wedding stuff and although you’d love to see her there, you completely understand if she can’t make it and will touch base with her after the honeymoon if she doesn’t make the wedding. She may not find the way to tell you she can’t come, doesn’t know how you will respond and doesn’t want to upset you so close to the wedding. By letting her know, that wether she is there or not, you are not ignoring her, and will contact her after, she may feel relief and actually contact you.
On the FB note, I had FB delete ppl from my friend list without my knowledge, and didn’t realize til my sis said “HEY WHY THE HELL YOU CUT ME OFF….LOL” It’s happened to others too so dont jump to conclusions if that was what you referred to.
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