(Closed) I had a break down…. (sorry long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I can see it both ways. It sucks to split couples up (even if you don’t consider their relationship all that “serious”), but it sucks that he won’t just sit by your mom at your wedding. Your Fiance has given you a good option–if your dad continues to act like a child over this, just put him at a different table with his friend.

Post # 4
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry, i love ya and you’re one of my favorite Bees but I think you’re wrong here.

He should be able to sit at a table with his date. He as clearly moved on. You’re not a little girl anymore! I just think he should be able to. He’s your Dad!!  I don’t think he should have to sit beside your mother either.

Maybe ask to have a coffee or dinner with him and the woman so you can meet her first?

Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Aww that sucks, I totally agree with you though, and think that your Fiance has the solution. EIther your dad sits with your mom at the head table, or at another table with his lady friend. If he gets mad, so be it. ITS YOUR WEDDING! I don’t understand why this wasn’t an issue at your sister’s wedding (probably because there was no one else in the picture at the time) but I totally get why you don’t want her at the head table (and imagine how your mom would feel). ((HUGS))

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Oneeleven: I agree if he really wants to sit with her, he should, but not at the head table.  Who knows how serious he is with this woman, and whether it will work out. If they were married, then yeah sitting at the head table is fine, but I don’t think some “lady friend” should be able to sit at the head table with the other friends

Post # 7
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hate to say, but if your father is seeing someone I can see why he’d want to sit beside her. What’s the point of bringing a date if you can’t sit with them?

I know it’s emotional, but your parents aren’t together anymore. It sucks, but he’s an adult who has moved on, and if he’s bringing a date it’s not fair for you to say they can’t sit together. Would it be different if he was remarried rather than just dating? I don’t think you’re being reasonable here, sorry.

Post # 8
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsSl82be:

I disagree.  If OP has no issues with her Dads behaviour and friend selection, she should trust him to make intelligent choices of who to bring to his daughters wedding.

But I do believe that OP should meet the lady first.

And perhaps, if her Mum has a Boyfriend or Best Friend, offer for her to bring him as well.

I don’t know the circumstances of the divorce, if it was nasty and horrible, then my point could be moot here.

But my opinion is coming from a girl who thinks this whole head table segregation thing is kind of silly and I’m also not in the camp of ‘its your day so it’s your way or the highway and if someone doesn’t like something and will have a boring/horrible time at your wedding, tough cookies” 

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Divorced families are difficult to negotiate in weddings, I learned that with DH’s parents. It was a nightmare. No one seemed interested in the fact that our day wasn’t about them and their politics or making them feel special. Shocking I know. I had to have the same conversation with my Mother-In-Law that all she needed to do was be in the same general vicinity for a few hours, not hold hands or be BFF, and that if she couldn’t do it then not to come.

I mean on the one hand, I get it. Weddings. Memories. Emotions. But on the other, just let it go. Did you know your dad was dating someone? If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t want to sit alone, but I wouldn’t expect to sit at the family table (nor would I want to). While I think there’s a better time and place for your dad to have told you about this, I think he has a point too. I can understand why he wouldn’t want to sit next to his ex-wife with his new Girlfriend nearby. Awkward.

Personally, as hard as it is, just let him sit somewhere else. It sounds like when your sister’s wedding happened he wasn’t dating anyone, so there wasn’t other people’s emotions and feelings to consider other than his own. On the day, you won’t even notice, you’ll be so busy. Maybe also ask if you could meet this lady before the wedding, have a meal together just to break the ice so you’re not resenting her presence at your wedding and it’s not so awkward.

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Oneeleven: Very true. I just had a bad experience at my own wedding with non serious gfs, so I really don’t like it. My thought is, unless its super serious, you don’t want them at an important table, because there will be more pictures of those people then the rest of the guests. And what if they break up after?? Then you have this person in your wedding pictures forever. I have like 30 pictures of some girl that one of our ushers snuck in after the dinner, and she wore one of our wedding colors (which she had no idea, so I don’t blame her for that) but the photogs thought she was special to the wedding, and she got into a lot of shots because of it. Now, she’s in these pics, and I dont’ even know her name!! Ugh, it pisses me off…

Post # 12
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

There is a way around it, you know. Why not just have seperate family tables rather than have all the parents seated together? I personally have never seen that done, but maybe its common where you live? I didn’t want to sit with my daughter’s FIL’s at all, so we just had them with their family members and us with ours. In your case, is it possible to do something like that? It sounds like it would make everyone more comfortable. 

Post # 13
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsSl82be:

Ok your situation is super sucky! That sounds like the plot to a Friends episode!

@couawilou:

Now that I hear your Mum has a date, I can understand why your Dad does even more so now.   How long ago was your sis’s wedding?  What if you meet the lady and you really like her?  Then maybe you could ‘bargin’ with your Dad that he eats at the head table but after that is free to mingle? 

Post # 16
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Your wedding isn’t for another year, right?  So much could change by that time.  He may have a more serious gf, he may not want to bring this person at all…  I know that there are things that initially people were pitching a fit over re: our wedding, that have become a non-issue as time has gone on and the wedding approaches.

The topic ‘I had a break down…. (sorry long)’ is closed to new replies.

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