- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
We have been married for about 6 weeks now and we had the most amazing wedding ever, it was the perfect day. Everyone was happy, smiling, laughing. The weather was perfect. My favourite moment was walking down the aisle and seeing his face when he saw me – that and holding his hand and feeling it shake and seeing the tears in his eyes as he said his vows to me.
The problem is that there is one thing that is getting to me about our wedding – my weight. I have been larger for years and due to a serious illness I cannot lose weight very easily at all. I didn’t lose any weight before our wedding and now when I look back at our photographs I feel sad, disappointed and angry with myself for being that size on my wedding day.
My wedding dress was a size 18 US and I am 5ft 10. I have what they call and apple shape with long thin legs but a big stomach and boobs so I had to get that size dress as I am very broad. I look at my wedding photos and in a lot of them I see my wide waist and double chins and it just makes me feel really unhappy and disgusted with myself.
My husband loves me for who I am but I feel cross with myself for not looking after myself properly and not trying to lose weight. I look at the photos of me on our wedding day and I see how happy I was, but also how fat I looked.
My marriage is wonderful, I love my husband so much but I want to be able to love myself too!
I used to model when I was younger and I think my problem is that I am constantly comparing myself to how I looked before and so I never look good enough now. I wasn’t exactly healthy then with eating disorders but I looked good!
I’m not sure what I want to achieve by writing this, I just want to get it out of my system and vent really!