Post # 1
Hello ladies, I am probably going to get a lot of heat because of this but it is okay i will accept it. Okay, so about a year and half ago i got pregnant. Me and my current bf were not dating ( we were hooking up) We were having a lot of problems so decided to call it off, we were still seeing eo and having sex. After a couple of weeks of our last encounter, my period was late and i was feeling really sick. So i went ahead took a pregnancy test and it came back postive. My heart sunk but at the same time i felt feelings I did not know i was going to feel. I feel butterflies! It was beyond beautiful, just knowing that you have a little one and it will be all yours to love and protect, gosh who wouldnt like that right? Well, all that crumbled as soon as I told R that I was pregnant. Now, I knew my parents were going to be super mad at me and extremely hurt with me. So I looked up to R to support me in this and be my partner in this. Anyways, the first words that came out of his mouth were ” I will pay for it” I was devasted because i knew what he meant. I didnt know what to do, I didn’t know what to feel. I felt extremely lonely and all the friends i talked to about it were not really supportive. On a rainy tueday I went to Caris, (they give free pregnancy test, ultrasounds etc) and I comfirmed my pregnancy. She told me i was 6wk5 days pregnant , again i am feeling lost, hopeless. How come the man I love doesn’t want to help me. R and i talked and he kept on insisting that he was going to end up in a factory, that his life was over, that his future was done. BUt not once did he ever asked me how i felt about the situation. Wednesday day i made an appt at the planned parenthood. 8am was the time they gave me and i accepted. After that i was so devastated. 19 years old, things are home were not amazing, realtionship with my parents wasnt strong. I didn’t know why i did it but i did it. I was looking for a docs appt to get an ultrasound done to see my baby but it didnt happen..friday came we went to the clinic, filled out paper work (R was with me) As I was preparing all the paperwork he looked at me and told me we didn’t have to do this and the look in his eyes, I will never forget that. But I didn’t know what happened, i still went ahead with it. Got the ultrasound done and there she/he was tiny little thing, she/he was mine i was his/her but i was scared, terrified of being a single mom. Terrified of my mother…I went in the room and as soon as laid down in that bed and they put me to sleep, I could feel my heart beat so fast and i wanted to wake up and not do it. I found myself screaming and trying to say no i wont do it but it was too late. When I woke up, I was already sitting down getting ready to go home…The worst day of my life. Ever since ive felt lonely, empty, miserable. R and I are together and he is forever sorry and I love him with all my heart because he had his reasons, he is human, he was scared and so was i. It was my fault i did and it is my fault i feel this way. I find myself crying all the time, I find myself crying any time of the day. He has offered to go to therapy with me and he has been so supportive. R doesn cry but i saw him cry a couple of weeks ago and that broke my heart because i know he is having his own struggles. But how can i forgive and forget? It has been hard.. Really hard to deal with it. Now i see other young moms finishing school and working and getting by just fine. I have a full time job, an amazing man, an apartment soon and going to school but none of that fills this emptiness..
Thanks for reading ladies. Def helped writing this down.
Post # 3
You mentioned therapy. I encourage you to follow through and get some counselling.
I do not pass judgement on your decision, ignore anyone who does.
Post # 4
I’m really sorry that you are going through this. I don’t really have any advice because I haven’t had to do what you did… But I probably would have done the same thing. <3
Post # 5
Agreed ignore judgmental people…People like to do that when they haven’t been in the same situation (& they never will be bc ALL situations are different).
I would have to agree with therapy…how long did it take from the time you found out to the time you got the procedure done?
I don’t think that this is the type of thing that anyone truly “gets over” but perhaps not having proper time or even support to grieve over it has really affected you.
Post # 6
@sfigu16: I agree with the PP. Therapy could really help you both get through your feelings. It sounds like both of you are regreting it and that he might feel badly about his initial reaction. Best of luck to the two of you.
Post # 7
I completely agree!
You should seek therapy to help move on from this. Crying and beating yourselves up about this won’t change the past. It’s great that he supports you in this but I think you both should speak with a therapist to learn to cope.
Post # 8
There are countless organizations and online communities that are meant for women who have had an abortion. I hope you seek some counseling and maybe a local support group. It can help to talk to people who know what you are going through.
Best of luck.
Post # 9
you did the right thing and while it may not be easy for you to see now over time you will have better clarity…it will take time.
Post # 10
Oh wow… I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I also agree that you really need to talk to a therapist about it. Stay strong and make sure you aren’t judgmental toward yourself..
Post # 11
There is a reason why things happened the way they did. Please know that your choice should not be judged and those who want to judge it have never walked in your shoes. I also second that you should follow through with conseling and try to get in touch with others that know how you are feeling. You are still young and you can still have babies in the future when you are perhaps more sure and ready. Both of you will feel low for a while but try to concentrate on the positive things if you can. Hope this helps <3
Post # 12
There are some very amazing stories that you should read.
Post # 13
I agree with the others, definitely seek therapy if you feel it will benefit you guys. I think what may help (not from personal experience, but a friend’s) is knowing at the time, you did what you felt was best ultimately. Especially being so young and scared. I honestly think women who chose that route are SO strong! It’s such a hard choice regardless.
What about talking to other women who have gone through the same thing? My friend did that, and it really helped her.
Post # 14
Honestly, it sounds like you made the best decision for your life. 19 with an unstable home and a rocky relationship is not the time to have a child. By not having that baby, you gave yourself the time to develop into a more stable and ready person so that you can be a better parent to the child you end up having. I know it’s hard (I myself have had an abortion) but when I look back, I see how waiting has now let me become a person capable of being an even more awesome mom – and that’s SO important. Don’t look back in regret, use this as motivation to move forward in your life.
Post # 15
I am so sorry that you had to go thru all of this. My heart breaks for you. I can tell how badly you are hurting and think that both of you getting counseling is oh so important. You need to learn to forgive yourself and each other and move forward. Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet. You can’t live in the past. What is done is done. You have to find a way to come to peace with it and look toward the future.
Take the time you need to grieve. I lost a baby (not in the same way) and I grieved hard for three years. It takes time and the guilt you feel just compounds it and makes it harder to bear. I will definitely be praying that your broken heart is mended.
Post # 16
I still think about mine and it was eons ago. It’s not something that goes away, as a PP stated above, but looking back it was the absolute right decision. It’s one of those time when you have to evaluate ‘should I got through with it knowing I don’t have the resources and mental stamina and support I need to take care of this child or do I need to what’s right for ME?’ and you chose you and that’s not a bad thing. There are a couple of online forums out there where women share their stories and I promise you that over time the sting will rescind a bit. Just keep in mind that you likely haven’t lost your only chance and this time you’ll be a great mom who has everything she needs to provide for her child.
And if you’re spiritual, some folks believe that the soul puts you in this position simply to evaluate and that you might get to remeet that soul in another way. While I am atheist, this actually helped me a bit.
Hang in there, and ask for help!! 🙂