(Closed) I had an abortion about a 1.5 ago and it still super hard…kinda long

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

I think a grief therapist would help. You might even have PTSD. But they have effective ways to help you to heal.

I’m sorry this is still so hard on you. I hope you have some more peace in your heart soon.

Post # 18
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sfigu16:  *hugs* I agree with everyone that therapy is necessary. Have you had a look at Rachel’s Vineyard? They offer weekend retreats for women dealing with thof pain of having had an abortion. 

I disagree with everyone saying you made the right decision though. I think you very clearly know in your heart that you didn’t. You did it whilst under an enormous amount of pressure and with no support. My heart breaks for you that you had to go through that.

You need to forgive yourself for what happened. I believe the only way you can really do that is asking for God’s forgiveness first. I highly recommend getting in touch with a spiritual advisor (a priest, for example) who can help you do that. Look to God for help and you will find peace. God is a God who quickly and easily forgives those who ask for it. 

if you need to speak to anyone you’re welcome to message me anytime. 

Post # 19
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree therapy would help. I read your story and kept thinking how hard it must have been for you. Please ignore anyone who judges you.

Post # 20
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I went through this when I was 20, but I never regretted it. I regretted getting pregnant to begin with (late pill), but I didn’t regret having an abortion. I was in a rocky relationship and in school. But everyone is different. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to offer a different experience. I hope you and your SO can talk to someone and come to terms with what happened!

Post # 21
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Baltimore. MD.

@sfigu16: Sorry you had to go through this. Dont worry, you’ll be alright.

Post # 22
Member
438 posts
Helper bee

I went thru this when I was 19 too, it took me a long time to figure out that I needed to see a councellor ro help me overcome the guilt and grief, I am so sorry you are going thu this, it will get easier to deal with and I am sending you hugs. If you ever need to feel free to PM me <3 xxx

Post # 23
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee

I have been to a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat.  Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I did.  I was so scared.  I never talked to anyone about how I felt and now I was going to a retreat all weekend????  

I left there a changed person.  I actually had the permission to forgive myself.  It was a very emotional weekend but it was also very healing.  OP (or anyone else that needs it) please PM me if you would like to talk.  

Post # 24
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@LadyBunnylot:  I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to tell her that she made the wrong decision or that she needs to ask for God’s forgiveness. I understand a religious person may feel that way, and obviously OP has some regrets about everything that happened. But that doesn’t mean what she did was the wrong thing for her, and being that she did not bring up religion at all I would not assume she is in a place where she feels (or should feel) that she needs God’s forgiveness. The therapy is a good suggestion, as is looking into Rachel’s Vineyard, but while your heart may have been in the right place I do not think the rest of that advice was called for or is really helpful.

 

OP, you can drive yourself crazy wondering what could have been, what life would be like now if you’d made a different choice, etc. The truth is that you will never know, and while I’m sure it’s not something you’ll completely forget about, it does really sound like you need help to stop obsessing over and torturing yourself with these thoughts. You will have your chance at being a mother someday, and I’m sure you’ll be a great one. But it’s time to get some help to stop making yourself miserable over an incredibly hard decision you had to make as a terrified teenager in a really difficult situation.

Post # 25
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@Wonderstruck:   +1

Something mean surrounded by nice advice doesn’t make the mean comment any less hurtful.

Post # 26
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I had a friend who went through something similar. She went through with it and months later it felt no better for her. (((hugs))) That is an extremely hard decision and no one has right to judge that.

As a therapist, I suggest therapy. Sometimes, just talking to someone…get it out in the universe…having someone who isn’t going to outwardly judge you for your decision…is all people need to start moving toward closure.

Post # 27
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think you  need to go to therapy not only for yourself but also for your relationship. I have an aunt who was in a similar situation when she was young. Her (then)bf encouraged abortion and she went through with it. They went on to get married and have 4 daughters but she never really dealt with her feelings towards him about that, never really forgave him, and ultimately they ended up divorced. I know it wasn’t the ONLY reason they did, but I also know from what she has said that she never really forgave him and it definitely was a huge problem in their relationship. If you want it to last with your boyfriend I think you need to figure out if you can REALLY forgive him, completely. Because if you can’t then you need to move on so you don’t waste years with someone you resent. 

Post # 29
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’ll second everything most of the PPs have said. Please don’t beat yourself up about this. I would also encourage you to seek professional help or go to a retreat or at least join a support group online. The only thing I would caution you against is going to an organization that will shame you for your decision and tell you misinformation about abortion in general. Do your research and find a group that provides gentle, non-judgemental support. You’ll get through this, I promise.

Post # 30
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I too went through this when I was 19. It gets easier, promise. I know for me it was the right decision and as sad as it made me, it also was the right decision at the time. I’m so so thankful I am not tied to that man now. He would have ruined my life and my sanity. 

If anyone is judgy ignore them, they have no right and no idea what you are going through. 

 

x

Post # 31
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Just wanted to stop by and offer my support!  I agree with PPs that counseling would be best at this point.  It is so hard to move forward when you have much regret.  Please take care and ignore judgment of others.  You did what you felt you needed to do at the time. 

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