- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
So, I was (am) one of those “waiting” bees anticipating my guy to propose to me…any day now. We have been dating for just over 3 years. In that time, I feel like our relationship has progressed with each passing year. We have traveled together, cried together, laughed, argued, made-up, rejoiced, praised, worshipped, etc. He is truly my best friend and an amazing guy. I can’t wait to be his wife!
So here is a little relevant background…
Around August of 2010, I had a sudden influx of emotions. All of a sudden I was READY to get married, and I do mean READY! I don’t know if it was because my last girlfriend got married the month before and welcomed her baby into the world the month after, or what. But it just hit me like a ton of bricks. And since then, I have been an on and off emotional mess!
Prior to August, we had been CASUALLY discussing marriage and wedding plans. We even looked at rings and venues. All during this time, I was good! No sudden outbursts, no crying fits…just a cool, calm, rational individual. Then when August came, I turned into a raving lunatic and surprised the heck out of my bf.
In Septemeber 2010, I started trolling wedding websites and destination wedding websites (b/c we talked about running off to Aruba to get married – just the two of us!) and I couldn’t stop! Then one day in September, we were having a conversation and he was still taking the casual approach he was used to and I became very agitated b/c I felt like he wasn’t taking it seriously. We ended up arguing and it wasn’t pretty. Later that day, he called me back and said how ridiculous it was to argue over something that he knew was going to happen. He said this should be a joyous occasion and not one filled with bickering. So that conversation simmered me down…until November 2010.
Same thing again only this time more explosive. I felt like he was dragging me along and not really planning our future. It just seemed like all talk and a waste of time. He admitted that he wasn’t ready to get married and that he really wanted to become more financially stable (how many of us waiting bees have heard this?? I swear it’s like they all read from the same script!). I told him that if he didn’t want to marry me to just leave me alone…b/c it was just too hard being in a relationship where I’m the one ready and he is “stalling.” So we decided to get some space from each other for a couple of days and just chill out and come back to talk it out. After our cooling period, he explained that he definitely wanted to marry me, but he wants to be able to provide and for us to live a comfortable life. He said he just needs time to get his career squared away and have more money to bring to the table.
Well, my concern was…how long is that going to take???! I actually thought we were gonna break up but we decided to keep going. Meanwhile I took a break from all the wedding stuff. It was just too much and I think it contributed to my emotional breakdowns.
Fastforward to December 2010, and of course all the questions from family about when we are getting married and some even thinking I would get a ring for Christmas. Well, didn’t happen. This time, instead of going bizerk, I calmly talked to him about a compromise (b/c I thought we were getting engaged in 2010 based on talks we had in 2009). I told him that if he proposed within 6 months (June 2011) I would agree to get married in Spring 2012. My thinking was that I had been waiting a long time and I just really needed some idea of when all the waiting would end.
Well, he agreed to this compromise. He thought it was “more than fair” and he didn’t want to keep me waiting forever. He said it wasn’t fair to me, and he would be tired of waiting if he were in my shoes. Ok, so great! We came to an understanding and I could just sit back and relax and wait for the engagement, right?
Not so fast…my 32nd bday was April 2011. Needless to say, I was hoping for a ring but I knew I wouldn’t get one b/c it was too cliche and he really wants it to be a surprise. I had another emotional moment (not crazy though) and he calmed me down saying that he knew this was coming from me turning another year older, and not to worry b/c he is definitely going to propose.
But does he have to wait alllll the way to June??? For goodness sake!
Ok, so here it is May. I technically have one more month to go. I have had all types of worries and fears that we won’t get engaged by June, and I would be left waiting b/c he still isn’t ready. And the thought just turned my stomach….until today.
Here in lies the epiphany.
Today, I realized that this man loves me. He loves me through the good times and bad; my craziness and rational-ness (is that a word? lol) and he remains calm while I go on my rants. And what is even better than that, he is CERTAIN he wants to marry me. That’s a great feeling. And today, it hit me I am CERTAIN I want to marry him. Now, you may be asking was I not sure before, given all of my rants? Well, it wasn’t that I wasn’t certain, I took on the attitude that if he didn’t want to marry me, we could break up and I would move on to someone that did. But that’s the wrong attitude. First of all, how do I know that the next someone is the right one?
Just b/c I am ready to get married doesn’t mean I should just marry anybody! I mean that is crazy. Yes, I am ready, but more importantly, I am ready to marry HIM! It is my bf that I want – not anyone else. And if I have to wait until he is ready then I will wait. He is worth it. Plus, once he is ready, I know it will be right and there won’t be any regrets or break-ups.
I am posting this for any other waiting bees in my position. Have you reached a point where you are just tired of waiting and if he doesn’t propose, you are leaving! Well, where are you going? If you know HE is the one you want and he knows you are the one he wants, focus on that. Focus on the fact that you have found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and your life has already started. The title will change in its right time.
Trust me, it took me a long time to arrive at this thought process. And I am not promising that I won’t have anymore meltdowns, but if I do, I will remember this post and remind myself that I am already with my husband. The title change will happen in due time.
And if that doesn’t work, I will think about all the losers I dated before my bf and how they were NOT certain I was the one. So if I have to wait for my man to get his money right and feel comfortable with building a life with me…I will do so. I trust him. I love him. He loves me. And I believe that he will deliver on his promise.