(Closed) I had to vent and am in need some nice words please

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry! ((hugs)) Wedding planning is stressful and factor money into the equation and things go to a whole new level! Take a day to relax, then come back together and discuss things again. Work on ways together to compromise to make photography happen with your budget and his demands for a specific type of wedding!

Post # 4
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am sorry….


what I would suggest, step back a day…and come back planning a day later.

and also, calmly sit down with your Fiance, and name a couple things that are on top priority and work from there.  I know it’s tough to work on a budget but wedding is all about compromise. 

In regards of photographer, depends on how picky you are on pictures.  You can always ask a friend who has a nice camera to take pictures for you.  Or try looking for students who is in photography right now or just graduated.  Usually they want to build up their portfolio and they will do it on a discount.  You can always check out their work first before you commit.

Good luck!

Post # 5
6 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow, that does sound really stressful. *hug*

I know your question wasn’t really about the planning aspect, but (in my experience) men, well mine anyway, had no idea about all the little details that needed to be looked at. Maybe, if the two of you set out a clear list of everything that needs to be done, it could relieve a little of the stress and then he would know exactly what to do to help relieve some of your stress?

As to the photograper, I find that most people have pretty spiffy cameras, and do a half decent job on their own. I’m planning somthing like this —> at my reception (where there won’t be a photograper). Maybe it’s something to consider?

I’m sure it will turn out great whatever you decide though. Congrats! 


Post # 6
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Awww love! That is so frustrating! It sounds like you are doing the lion’s share of the work, and I feel your pain in that regard.

As for good rates on photography – perhaps a student photographer can bridge the gap here? A lot of them are quite talented, just not fully accredited yet, which can save you tons of money.

Post # 7
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

*hugs*!!! I understand the stress!!  Maybe since he wants a dance he can plan that part and you can handle looking for a photographer?  You can try and let him know that you don’t want a dance so if he does he will need to plan it, if he leaves it to you just plan the way you want.  My fiance always says whatever I want too and thats annoying lol Hang in there girl!!

Post # 8
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Awww hun!! I’m so sorry you feel overwhelmed!! Unfortunately, boys have NO CLUE the kind of stress and work that goes into planning a wedding…all they know is they have to show up at the right time and place in the right tux…LOL

As for the photographer, I agree with PPs…definitely look into a photography major/graduate because they are usually looking to build their portfolios and will charge a lot less than pro photographers, but still have decent equipment and most of the time, know what they’re doing…try craigslist for that…I’ve had a lot of success with them…that’s what I plan on doing is looking into a photography major to save some $$$.

Good luck! And although this may sound repetitive, try to relax a bit…lord knows you deserve it with a toddler running around!!


Post # 9
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m going to second what the PP have said. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it does sound so stressful. But I agree that you should talk to you Fiance and let him know (calmly) how stressed you are about this, and that it might be helfpul if he stepped in a little bit for the things he cares about. And then take a day/evening and do something that you really want to do that has NOTHING to do with the wedding – date night, play with your baby, a day for just you. You’ll be amazed at how much it can help calm you down when you do go back to planning the wedding. 

Post # 10
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsDPal811:  Please, please don’t worry too much. You still have several months and I have no doubt that you can pull it all together in time. In fact, my mum planned her wedding in that amount of time, and she did it all herself too. It may seem crazy busy for a while, but remember that you’re fellow bees are here to offer advice and support.

I’m actually getting married this August, too. You know when we decided to go for August? 2 weeks ago…yeah, you read that right. So I’ve given myself even less time than you did lol. Here’s how much we’ve managed to plan in the space of 2 weeks:

  • Venue booked & deposit paid
  • Photographer booked & deposit paid
  • Wedding coordinator provided with venue, already had 1st meeting
  • Honeymoon booked & deposit paid
  • Wedding celebrant contacted & pencilled in, still to pay deposit
  • Wedding dress chosen & deposit paid
  • Wedding shoes bought
  • MOH dress & shoes bought
  • Hair & makeup – arranged to have a friend do this for me
  • Wedding car – arranged to use my dad’s convertible
  • Bagpiper – arranged to have my brother play the pipes
  • Evening entertainment – arranged to have my drumming group do a small slot.

What we still need to organise:

  • Invites – we found a design we like, but haven’t ordered them yet
  • Main evening entertainment – we found a band we like, but still to contact them
  • Wedding cake – not even started!
  • Flowers – not even started!
  • Centerpieces – my mum wants to help make these, but still looking at ideas
  • Favours – hoping to convince a friend’s sister to make Sottish tablet, but not asked yet
  • Wedding rings – leaving this until nearer the time
  • Menus – have given food suggestions to the venue caterer, but still to meet & discuss

There are probably a load of non-essential things I haven’t even considered yet, but I’m hoping to stay fairly laid back and just enjoy planning it all. Like you we’re trying to be careful with our budget, so we’re trying to ask friends and family to help out where they can tp save us money. We’ve googled things for hours to try and find the best prices, too. If something isn’t necessary, then we consider doing without it.

Just focus on the important stuff and I’m sure it will all turn out ok in the end. The most touching wedding I went to was actually the one that cost the least. The only flowers they had were the bride’s bouquet, a friend did the photography, she made brownies herself for the favours, there were no centerpieces, she made the gifts for her BMs, they just used an ipod for the music, etc. It stripped everything back to what was important: a beautiful celebration of marriage.

Good luck xx

Post # 11
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

My fiance has been telling me things like that, Oh it’s whatever you want, I don’t want to plan anything, I don’t want to be stressed out.  So last night I told him, excitedly, that I’d found a place that was only $600 for the whole day, and then we could just have sandwiches and lobster rolls and it would be nice and casual (which is something he said he wanted).  AND he got all stressed out (“Now I have a headache” dramatic pause “because of this.”) and told me he thinks we should have a full sit-down dinner!  


At least we have a year to plan this, but c’mon…I told him he needs to make his opinions known, or else he’ll hate everything.  He got “stressed out” over that.  *rolls eyes*


I think what he and I will have to do is print out a list of everything you “should” have at a wedding (from somewhere on the Internet) and go through it and choose what we want to have, and go from there.  Maybe you guys could do something similar!

Post # 13
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my Fiance was being less than sensitive when i would stress out or ask him questions related to planning in the beginning. he kept saying “we have time” or “that’s not necessary” or “just whatever”… so i went to one of those special plan your wedding template sites and printed out a step by step wedding planning guide broken down by month, and it starts like a year before the wedding. each month before, gives a large list of things to do. i taped that sucker up on the wall in our dining room and it stretched half way across the wall. i marked through all the things i had done and brought him in to see it. he freaked out a little and we went through marking off things that weren’t necessary (such as dancing- we dont have to have that, neither of us really want it, so we get to skip the searching for songs, dj’s, etc steps.) he finally got it. now he looks at the list to see what i’ve done. he doesn’t offer to help, but when i ask, he is more willing to answer with a real answer instead of a brush off. it couldn’t hurt, right?

Post # 14
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe you can assign your Fiance a very small task?  For example, maybe assign him the task of figuring out what favors to hand out to all the guests?  This will get him involved and help him realize how hard it is to plan a wedding!

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