(Closed) I hate being 30 with a "boyfriend".

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I totally get this thread! My fi and I have been together for 5 years, which may not be a super long time, but we moved in together after 2 years. And I have 2 kids and he has a son. So yeah, at school and different functions the whole boyfriend/girlfriend made me feel cheap. Now we are finally getting married and in less than 6 months we will be husband and wife. I wish there was a term that was more appropriate for long term situations other than what’s available. The term “partner” or even “life partner” reminds me of gay/lesbian couples who choose that term due to stupid laws because they can’t get married, significant other is just way too long and formal, and bf/gf sounds short term. I usually referred to my fi by his name. And yeah, introducing him as fiance always makes for the weird small talk about our wedding. Which I don’t always want to talk about. When my patients ask me about my life, I just refer to him as my husband. No, I don’t want to talk about invitations while I’m taking your blood pressure. Haha.

Post # 47
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

When talking to people who don’t know my SO I always refer to him as my partner, otherwise he’s just referred to by name.

I only started referring to him as my partner when I started doing my Practical Legal Training in a law firm though.  I felt like it felt less professional to say boyfriend (even though it is not).

Post # 48
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I can’t do fiance either. I’m 44 and it sounds precious and icky to me. I don’t like boyfriend at my age so usually use/used partner which is very starchy. I often refer to him as The Bloke. I am looking forward to referring to him as my husband. It’ll be weird being a wife again though. 

Post # 49
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I have and always will prefer the term ‘partner’ but where im from its practically unheard of to get married before age 30 so boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t really regarded as juvenile. What really gets my goat is being referred to as ‘miss xxx’ that makes me feel like I’m about 5!!

Post # 50
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That is funny. I was the opposite, I didn’t want a serious relationship in my twenties. (Engaged to young, had other priorites, moved around alot, wanted to just have fun…) I started dating my Fiance when I was 30 because I was finally ready for a serious relationship, to have a boyfriend. I understand where everyone else is coming from though. 

Post # 51
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

zippy85:  Totally feel the same. I hate the term ‘boyfriend’. I’m 27 and have been with my bf for almost 3 years and I hate still being the girlfriend, I feel like people don’t take me and our relationship seriously. I know there are people over 40 who are still bf and gf even after years, I would completly ridiculous to still call my SO boyfriend by then.

Post # 52
Member
5 posts
Newbee

zippy85:  it really bothered him too…I don’t know if he’s ever said anything about it to them (I’ll have to ask when he gets home) It’s really just his dad and he does a lot of little things that drive me crazy so I try to pick what is worth complaining about. They live in another state and come to us more often than we go there so it’s not something I deal with frequently and overall his parents treat me very well so it’s something I feel okay letting slide.

Post # 53
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

zippy85:  Being unmarried does not equal immature. You don’t need to be married to be an adult.

Post # 54
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

gelaine22:  I agree. I didn’t even realize that this was a “thing” to be embarrassed about having a boyfriend

Post # 55
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My first date was at 36 and I also hated the word boyfriend.  Had to deal with it the two months we were dating before we got engaged, I like fiance better (we started dating a month after meeting each other).  I rarely called him my boyfriend, though, I’d refer to him as the other half of my orange, my soul mate, my significant other, the other half of my cookie, etc.

 

I joked with him about this and I told him all the time I considered him more of a boy toy than a boyfriend lol

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  gatordeb.
Post # 56
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

I am in the same boat. I never call SO my ‘boyfriend’, I look young already, it sounds less mature – I’m not in high school! Besides, I don’t want people to think I am eeeeeven younger by throwing around the Boyfriend or Best Friend word. I call him my partner, people can interpret that as they like.

When we are engaged I don’t think I will be going with “fiance” either. I hate people who are engaged and it’s just ‘my fiance this, my fiance that, fiance fiance fiance’. For me, it will be PARTNER always… Except for on the bee, since it’s how we differentiate between the waiting bees, engaged bees and wedded bees 🙂

Post # 57
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

Drizzle:  “The Bloke”; oh my gosh I love this. I might be borrowing this soon.

I started referring to my bf as “my partner in crime” since it seemed less fussy than just “partner”.

Post # 58
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

zippy85:  I know exactly what you mean.  I have always thought about how awkward it would sound if I wasn’t married and had to say boyfriend.  A friend of mine is 39 and been with the same man for 10 years.  They have two children, live in a big beautiful house, but are still not married.  I have always wanted to ask her how she introduces him to people… does she say this is my boyfriend?  This is my partner?  This is the father of my children?  This is my Robert?  They are both lawyers so I am not sure if that has anything to do with their not getting hitched.  

Post # 59
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I’m right there with you. I just turned 27 (today ha) and we’ve been together for 8.5 years. I feel like I am taken less seriously and then if someone asks and I tell them how long we’ve been together, they seem to take him less seriously for not wifing me up. I just call him “the dude” or “my dude” to people I don’t know, and “a good bit” if asked how long. I actually tried out “manfriend” but it didn’t stick. I’ve never even seen SATC haha!

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