Post # 17
For the invitations, buy your own and mail those out. Off to pick them up to mail them and then destroy the suckers. Buy your own.
For the table covers, buy them yourself and decorate the hall yourself with your BMs and friends.
Hire a DJ yourself, sign a contract, and show it to your uncle. Give the “I wanted you to enjoy the day without a hassel” line and keep it moving.
PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IN.
As for the church and park, can you decorate with flowers to give a garden theme? Or can you just go ahead and change that too?
Post # 18
Wow. You need to talk to your fiance now and see what he thinks. Then try to find the middle ground. It’s your wedding. Both of you should have SOME say and be represented. It shouldn’t just be your dream wedding, but it shouldn’t be the exact opposite either—you have to be represented. And if he is feeling left out too, now is the time to fix it.
Post # 19
@nomnomyumm: Talk with your fiancé and be sure he is on your side. Then? Go over everyone’s heads. This is YOUR wedding. This is not a debate and there is no need for a big discussion of any kind. I love the idea above about hiring a separate DJ and showing the contract to your uncle saying you would rather he enjoy the day than work. Good idea. Also, get the invitations you want (heck, replace your FFIL’s ink and paper as needed), the table covers you want (pay back your parents if you must for the one’s they got or ask them to return them), and switch to a garden reception (maybe compromise, to show good faith, and keep the church part.) Change it as you see fit as a couple. Thank everyone for their help but politely say you’ve got it under control and you are looking forward to them smiling dancing and celebrating on your day.
Post # 20
Do what is going to make you happy!!! This is supposed to be one of the best days of your whole life!!
If you really want your parents there, maybe you can elope with just them? Or even “elope” closer to home at a small chapel with a few close friends and family?
I think the hardest part of eloping for me would be that I know how much my mom would hurt if I left her out.
Post # 21
You’re definitely not being unreasonable… your wedding day should be about what you want! If you want to elope, do it! If you want to postpone your day so that you can make the necessary changes, you can do that too! Whatever you do, do NOT go through with a wedding that is not what you want… you only get that one chance to marry the love of your life. Make it something that is about YOU two… not everyone else.
Post # 22
awwww…well, what i take from reading your post is that you are not making yourself heard. I feel as if perhaps you were too passive about it and you really need to voice your opinions. I know with certain people it is hard to be assertive and state what you want but hey, its never too late to say what you want now. i think you need to sit down with everyone and just talk with them what you want and how important it is for you to have your wedding go the way YOU pictured it because it is YOUR wedding…tell them that that at the way its going, you’re hating it so much that you just want to elope and perhaps they will back off a bit. i know others can get excited about what they want for you and they forget bc of their excitement. best of luck to you.
Post # 23
I TOTALLY agree with @bakerella:! The wedding is such a small thing when compared to the MARRIAGE you two are starting! It is so not about the wedding, and especially the wedding you don’t even want. THEY can still have the party if they want, but you have to do what is best for you two and YOUR marriage. I am almost never a proponent of eloping because I think a wedding is something to be shared with family, but they aren’t sharing their decisions with you. So by all means girl, ELOPE AWAY! I wish you good luck in whatever decision you make!
Post # 24
No way are you being unreasonable! This is your day too and you have to tactfully talk to your other half about how you feel. If you’re not happy with things you need to speak up, just do it nicely! You and your fiance need to take control, but try to make his family feel included wherever you can, on littler details perhaps, or when you’ve narrowed down things to your favourite couple of options.
Post # 25
It’s good that you’re taking into consideration other people’s advice about your wedding. However, if they’re not contributing financially to the wedding, then you and your fiance need to take better control of your wedding. If your parents are making a financial contribution (and you still want this), then you do need to honor some of their wishes. However, decide which things are most important to both of you and which things you’re willing to compromise. Is it the venue? Is the food, the cake, the decor, etc. For the things you’re not willing to compromise, you need to make that known respectfully to your families. Not setting healthy boundaries in the beginning can set a negative pattern not just for your wedding planning but also for your future marriage and relationship with your in-laws.
Post # 26
it’s hard when you are not the one paying the bill! we are paying for our own, and i still here my family telling me what type of cake they prefer, and i’m like too late, this is what i want and this is what i’m having, you dont have to eat it! 🙂
but if you can not change anything at all, i would recomend to ask for cash gifts (if you can) with that money (assuming that you dont need anything for the house) go away, and have a private ceremony for you and your husband (how you want it) take pictures of that, and frame those pictures, the other ones are for them!
it’s hard now in this economy and i bet all want to help you in anyway possible and this is how they can help you, so if you can do without it, call it out, change everything to your likes if you cant just do the private ceremony… good luck