(Closed) I hate feeling this way about my MOH…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know how you feel, 100%. It’s not like we’re asking the world from our friends, we just want them interested in our lives! And your Maid/Matron of Honor of all people doesn’t seem to care. It’s one thing when all the bride talks about is the wedding and never asks about the BM’s life in return, but it’s another thing when the Bridesmaid or Best Man NEVER wants to hear about wedding stuff. Why bother being in the wedding then? A Bridesmaid or Best Man should be interested in the wedding as she is a part of it. It makes no sense to me why people act this way. 

I don’t think you’re expecting to much. You’re just expecting a little enthusiasm. Regardless of being the Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s supposed to be your friend, and friends should be happy for friends.

Post # 5
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Assuming you’re not ONLY contacting her when you have something to say about the wedding, I wouldn’t say you’re expecting too much from your Maid/Matron of Honor in this case. She definitely sounds detached, though.

Perhaps she’s feeling jealous (either that she wants her own wedding again, that yours will somehow be “better” than hers, or just flat out that she wants the attention). Maybe she’s genuinely not interested in wedding things anymore now that her day is done and over with. Or there’s the chance she’s just not a good friend anymore.

Regardless of the reason, I do think you need confront her about this, or else it will hang over your head like a doom laden cloud and possibly tarnish your big day.  Your confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive or on the defense. Just send her a message along the lines of, “I am getting the feeling that you do not want to be a part of my wedding. If so, I really wish you would tell me why. I am just so excited about my wedding day and want you by my side like I was for you. If something’s wrong, I really want you to let me know so we can clear the air.” etc. etc.

This gives you a chance to hopefully get her to be honest with you, and/or determine what step you want to take in your friendship. If she’s rude and defensive, she probably needs to get the boot from the wedding and your life. However, if she seems like she’s trying to make an attempt to stay in your good graces and shape up, it might be worth another attempt at saving your friendship and being a good sport about the wedding.

Bottom line: your bridal party should at the very least be HONORED and EXCITED to be a part of your big day. They don’t need to be on call or respond to every wedding related thing, but they should definitely be a source of support and enthusiasm. Trust me, you do NOT want to drag your friend along on this whole ride up to the wedding day if this how she continues to act. It will only mean MORE stress on your part.

Post # 6
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

 @rumpunch712:  Oh yeah..  my best friend was supposed to be the Maid/Matron of Honor at my wedding but never had time to do anything wedding related and if she did have time she showed up late. She went to 1 bridal expo, dress shopping for the bridesmaid  and she went with me to an open house at the hall. She pitched a fit every time and made me feel like it was an inconvenience to her. She had a new best friend and didn’t have time for me anymore. What makes this worse is that we work together and I have to see her and her new best friend every day. She dropped out of my wedding on the anniversary of my father’s death (3 months before the wedding) we talked a few times after that and I asked her to please come to the wedding. She of course refused and she sure didn’t show up. It broke my heart but my day was still perfect and I am so blessed to have so many amazing friends who were there for me!  I can’t forget how she treated me and made me feel over the past year. I don’t know who she is anymore.

Post # 8
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

Is it possible that she’s feeling a bit jealous? Does she have a SO, fiance or husband? A good friend of mine (who actually is responsible for my soon-to-be fiance and I meeting) dropped off the face of the planet once things between he and I got serious. It sucks a lot, and I hope she will come around eventually. Maybe you could meet up with your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her face to face what’s bothering you? Sometimes communication gets scrambled and our intent gets lost in texts and online chatting. 

Post # 10
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

@rumpunch712:  Hmm, if things are starting to get awkward with others in the wedding party, then you should definitely talk to her in person and ask her what’s up. It would really be awful to have to have anyone feeling awkward tention at your wedding. If she’s got something goin on in her life that is distracting her (maybe marriage troubles, trouble trying to conceive, illness in the family, etc.) that’s understandable, but she should at least let you all know something private is going on. I would def. make an effort to meet with her in person. Let her know it’s really important about you two’s relationship and not just about the wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rumpunch712:  I totally understand how you feel. It’s hard having a bridal party, especially a Maid/Matron of Honor that doesn’t help as much as you anticipated. My Maid/Matron of Honor is out of state, so I don’t blame her at all, but it does make the wedding that much more stressful that you don’t have a wingman for every decision. I have relied a lot on my mom and my future mother in law!!!

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