Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
I’ve posted about this topic before, but I feel the need to reiterate the fact that I HATE wedding planning.
I’ve been engaged since March 2014 and have a wedding date set in October 2015. So, I have a ways to go. In the beginning I was pretty excited. I bought a few bridal mags to get ideas. Once we started planning, though, it started to get, well, not fun at all. So far we’ve booked a venue and have a date and that’s it.
I’m just not excited for my wedding. My fiance and I are trying to put away enough money to have this stupid thing, but I don’t think either of us are truly enjoying our engagement (I know I’m not). It’s completely daunting to think of having to buy a dress, bridesmaids’ dresses, suits for the guys, flowers, a cake, pay a photographer for pictures I’ll never look at, hire a DJ and an officiant… yuk. I was never a girl that dreamed of her wedding, but now that it’s here, I’m not even sure I even want it. I bring this up to my fiance, and he gets upset because he thinks I’m saying I don’t want to be married at all, which isn’t the case. I want to BE MARRIED but I don’t want A WEDDING (in the traditional sense.) I’ve offered to do the “town hall thing” several times, but he just won’t have it.
What’s backwards is we’re paying for this ourselves, and a lot of people are looking to us to have this great wedding, but I’m just not excited. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, so I think I should just grin and bare it, but I’m not having any fun with this at all. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just SICK OF TALKING AbOUT WEDDING SH*T. PERIOD.
Post # 2
How about having an intimate wedding? It might be easier to plan a smaller wedding and it is a compromise between town hall and a large wedding.
Post # 3
If you hate planning a wedding maybe you can hire a wedding planner that way you don’t have to deal with all the wedding stress that comes with wedding planning. Btw you don’t purchase braidmaid dresses they purchase their own dresses you just pick them out. You don’t even need to have bridemaids. All you need to have is two people to sign your marriage license. You can just have a small wedding. Or what you could do is have the ceremony at the court house and than have the reception for your fiance. That way you both get what you want. You also don’t need a dj you can use an ipod instead but I wouldn’t recommend that and if you really don’t want a cake than just have a dessert table instead.
Post # 4
Megbee617: I wouldn’t say I hate planning, but I can say that I identify with some of your post. First, I never really dreamed of a wedding. My FI was married before at City Hall and is super adamant that he wants us to have the whole shebang. Which is great! But I’ve found that I’m indecisive, my mother is a Momzilla, and just talking about the wedding (which we are paying for ourselves) puts me in a super emotional mood.
We’ve booked our venue and it’ll be October 2015 as well…I bought two magazines and didn’t get halfway through them before I wanted to burn them.
How I am staying positive and somewhat excited about it: We’re setting really clear limits about what we want, even if it isn’t traditional…we’re NOT wasting money on a DJ when we don’t really want a dance party, we’re hoping to have some brick oven pizza catered/cooked on site, and I’ve nixed the bridal party all together…flowers will be paper mostly because I can at least say I love crafting. We want our wedding to be a big, fun celebration but budget friendly and more of a laid-back hangout kind of feel.
I just wanted to vent, too. And tell you you’re not alone! If your FI is set on having a big wedding, but you aren’t, maybe you should talk to him about cutting some things down to size to make it less frustrating. 🙂
Post # 5
oh my gosh, this was almost like reading my own thoughts. I got engaged in March this year, and we are having an October 2015 wedding as well. We already have the venue/catering (they do it in house, so thats easy), and I bought my dress, but now I’m looking at photographers/day of coordinators/DJs and it’s…overwhelming. Made worse by my fiance not having a strong opinion about anything, so it feels like I’m doing all the work. We are paying for our wedding ourselves too. Planning sucks, and hiriring someone to do it for me would be awesome if I were loaded.
Post # 6
Megbee617: Are there any guests you can remove from the equation? Having a smaller guest list will probably make you feel a lot less stressed. Good luck!
Post # 7
If your FI insists on having a wedding when you would rather go the city hall route, why doesn’t he plan it?
Post # 8
Megbee617: You should elope or have a very small and simple wedding! I sometimes wish we had a smaller wedding – we only had 68 guests anyway! If you don’t care to much about it, I reckon it will actually be easier for you, as you will probably not analyse every single detail, ensuring everything is matching and perfect. If you’re pretty casual about it all, then all the better!! But just be preapred that towards the wedding date it may get super stressful!! 😉
Post # 9
You are not the only one. My husband and I were married this October 4th and I felt the same way at times when we planned our wedding. But the wedding day turned out better than we could have imagined, it so much fun!
My DH wanted a big wedding, but I found the anxiety of planning the wedding was really stressful. But as you plan the wedding you will compromise, maybe planning a smaller wedding or cutting out some aspects will help. Planning does get easier, plan one step at a time.
Post # 10
Megbee617: I don’t hate the actual wedding planning, but I’m not very artistic/creative so I get anxious that things won’t turn out the way I envision it. Plus I’m rounding up 10 different vendors for the day, and they’re getting annoying with all their policies and crap.
However, you don’t have to purchase bridesmaid dress/groomsmen suits – my FI paid for his own suit ($150 for a Kenneth Cole suit from Macy’s) when he was a groomsman at his friend’s wedding earlier this year. And I’m using silk flowers for EVERYTHING, and it’ll cost around $800 (including 20 10″ centerpieces). It does take a lot of research, and it helps if you can agree on important stuff to splurge on (for us it was the venue, photography, open bar).
It’s funny because I told FI I wouldn’t mind getting hitched in Vegas with our two best friends as witnesses, but he didn’t seem to think that was funny HAHA.
Post # 11
Please please please scale it down! Cancel your venue for the big event and re-group.
Ask your FI: what are the specific elements he wants in a “wedding” that will make him feel married. You in a long white dress? Toasts from a Best man? His grandma watching proudly while you both say vows?
Then, once you know what the man really wants, plan those details and leave out the rest. No one needs photographers and dancing and DJs and favors and photoboths and wedding party, all of that is over the top. It will cost $$$ and will suck you dry in planning it.
You can have a beautiful and simple day by
1) finding an officiant and a free place to say vows (parks, civic monuments, etc)
2) then, everyone going to a restaurant for food and drink and merriment; let those restaurant pros take care of the food, drink, and decor
You can be as dressed up or down as you wish. And you are married, it’s simple!
Post # 12
Megbee617: I’m so sorry OP :/ I really feel for you, for I know what it is like to be in your shoes. Do you think hiring a Wedding Planner would help ease your stress? Maybe letting someone else take the reigns, will help you find the joy in your engagement.
My FI and I are eloping in 2 weeks. We cancelled our big wedding, and will just have a private ceremony between the two of us. I too despised wedding planning, and these new plans just work for us.
Wishing you all the best during this time, and hoping you can find some enjoyment in your engagement. Good Luck!
Post # 13
Do you *really* not want a traditional wedding? Or are you just overwhelmed by everything you need to do? If it’s the former, you need to sit down with your FI and reach a compromise that will make you both happy … sure, it’s important to him to have a wedding, but it’s important to you that there’s no stress involved. If his bottom line is having a big wedding, tell him he will need to pull his weight in terms of contacting vendors, planning details etc.
If it’s the latter, just start making calls. Put aside half a day to call all the people you need to get things booked. At this stage, vendors only need the most basic of details (date, venue, small deposit) to secure a booking, so you already have the info you need. I booked nearly all of our vendors within the first three days of being engaged and they have more or less left us alone throughout the engagement. Let the bridesmaids pick their own dresses and shoes, give the florist free reign over the kind of flowers you have etc.
Wedding planning is as hard or as easy as you make it.
Post # 14
Megbee617: I’m with you! My fiance and I just had a big arugement about this mere moments ago! I HATE planning this wedding! I always thought this would be the highlight of my life and I hate it! I wanted to get married and fly 30 people to my favorite restaurant for an amazing dinner. The FI was not having that because “its not a real wedding.” Now I feel like I’m planning his wedding and mostly paying for it too.
I explained to the FI that our wedding should’ve been a special thing between us and the thought of how other people feel or impressing his friends shouldn’t have been the priority. He now realizes my plan was the better idea but its too late for us! My advice Is research how much everything you want will cost. Break it down for the family so they can see how much its costing you. Then breakdown the cost of something that is low key but special to you two even if it’s crazy or unconventional. Let them know that the planning is making you unhappy and angry. Maybe once the two of you are on the same page you can explain it to your family.
Just know that you shouldn’t just have a big wedding because people expect you to. Unless they are going to pay for it or plan it for you, they really shouldn’t get a say!
Post # 15
Yup. This is me. I wanted a small, maybe 20 person wedding. Fiance wanted a big wedding, 150+ people. We are paying for it ourselves and just bought a house so it’s been a rough engagement. I am SO TIRED of people asking about our wedding. I’m a control freak/perfectionist and the whole thing just gives me anxiety…not to mention, we could redo our kitchen with the $30k we’re spending on it. I’m glad it’ll be over in 26 days.