I HATE his Mom!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@cobalt21:  You just deal with it. Nothing you can do. It’s her son, it’s his mother and if you plan on marrying this boy, you need to accept her as a part of the family as well.

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsHart2Bee:  Agreed. My Future Mother-In-Law is kinda crazy, but thankfully my SO is aware of it. He, out of all his siblings, stands up to her the most.

Is she being manipulative? Is she meddling in your relationship? Is she vindictive? Sometimes MIL’s can be annoying yes, but if they aren’t malicious there is nothing you can or should do.

 

Post # 6
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

@cobalt21:  Then he needs to stand up to her or you will have issues.

My SO was getting gifts (dumb ones fit for a child) from his mom and she was doing his laundry when he would go home. I told him to have her knock it the hell off he was not a child. He stood up to her though.

Either your Fiance has to stand up for you, or you will continiously have this same problem.

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Holy cow I hope I am never like that with my son!! Start thinking about what boundaries you have now and set them! Sounds like an awful MIL!

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Rush1986:  Yup, yup, yup. This is your FH’s problem…..not his mother’s. 

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow….I’m not even sure what to say. That’s a tough situation. I’m not sure what you can do about this but if it really bothers you I would think twice as this is most likely something that is not going to change. You will need to accept it if you marry him or have a heart to heart talk and let him know how his behavior with hsi mother bothers you.

Post # 10
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Cobalt21 I understand how frustrating this can be, totally what Rush1986 says if this is not fixed NOW you will have to deal with it forever…

Boundaries do need to be set by HIM because its HIS mom, together you and he can decide what those boundaries need to be.

Just know, that if he is not in agreeance on you with this issue, then you will be outnumbered by him and his mom…not a good situation.

And will you be okay living like that during your marriage?

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

He needs to set the boundaries. I was in a similar situation with my Fiance and his whole damn family, he sit the boundaries (it wasn’t a pretty process). I’m attempting to mend things over with his family and we will just see how it goes. I was in your boat of saying “I hate his family” but that’s not going to get me anywhere so we both needed to change our way of thinking and if his family doesn’t then that’s their problem.

ETA: There may be resistance from his point though as he has his mom pretty much adore the ground he walks on, he may not want that to change. I did have to postpone our wedding until he did set his boundaries because they were butting their heads in everything about the wedding while they were not paying for anything. I told him if he doesn’t set the boundaries now they will only continue to do that for everything else and I’m not okay with that.

Post # 12
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have a lot of experience with horrible in-laws.

Both of you have to be on the same page and set boundaries with his family. If you don’t the problems will just keep getting worse and your relationship will suffer. He’s choosing to marry you, not his mother. You should be his number one priority. Her behavior might be acceptable to him, but it’s obviously not for you and he should be considerate of your feelings.

Post # 13
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Oh do I ever know where you are coming from!  Even though Future Mother-In-Law lives six hours away she still thinks she knows everything.  Right now she’s demanding that we set a date even though she knows that we aren’t getting married until I graduate from college in the next few years.  She also has that she knows the venue that we should get married at, etc, etc…

Fiance (before he was FI) used to be a huge mommy’s boy.  But I had to put my foot down and tell him that he has to be an adult and if he isn’t than he isn’t the man for me.  I’d rather go through that heartache than have a third person in our marriage.  Now, he says that he loves the freedom of being able to actually say “no” to her.  I don’t know if that will work for you, but you need to decide what you can deal with and what is a dealbreaker.

Best of luck

Post # 15
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry, but you’re engaged to a mama’s boy. 

I totally disagree with Mrs.Hart2Bee

You need to ask yourself if you can live this way until she dies (and even then, it may continue if he “saints” her after death) or if you can’t & he has to make changes by setting boundaries, standing up to her and always choosing YOU #1 over his mommy. He will probably deny there’s any problem, or try to fob you off with platitudes of “can you suck it up for me?”, “but she’s my MOM!”, or “that’s just the way she is”, “i’m trying to keep the peace” etc. etc. Don’t let him get away with this.  Nip it in the bud, now.  Begin as you mean to go on.  Otherwise, if he enables Future Mother-In-Law to run roughshod over you at your wedding, it will continue with not respecting ANY of your rights as an independent adult, and head of your own family – from her decorating your house, claiming all holidays, coming on vacation with you, being mommy to your children and wife to your husband.  If he’s unwilling or unable to set boundaries & change, then you should seriously reconsider marrying him.

And FWIW, I would suggest starting with this:  “when you go all widdle baby boy around mumsie, it makes my girlie parts shrivel up and hide.”

Post # 16
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

@Cobalt21

I didn’t see your update before I posted.

You should be concerned.  It’s not a good sign that he is unwilling to compromise at all.

“But it’s my MOM!”  should be met with the response of “And I’m going to be your WIFE! Are you telling me that my needs and wants aren’t going to be your #1 priority over all others?”  And truly listen to what he has to say – he’s telling you what your future holds.

 

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