Post # 1
My two best friends, two girls that i have shared my entire life with, moved out of state with their boyfriends about two years ago. Since then, ive seen one of them one time at my 22nd birthday, and the other i saw twice, once at my 22nd birthday and once about three months ago when she brought her boyfriend down to meet her parents. These are two people that it would mean the world to me to have them stand by my side on my wedding day.
Well i knew they would be coming down for Christmas, so i was going to prepare their bridesmaid boxes and spend a few days with them during the holiday. I just found out last night that they were in town for the last two days. Their parents, who they were staying with, live five minutes from me. They were here for two days, and not a single phone call, email, text, nothing letting me know they were here. I talk to these girls all the time, we text for hours every other day, we talk on the phone when we are both off early enough, they are the only true friends i thought i had.
Im just so hurt i dont even know how to feel right now. All i keep thinking is if they even deserve to be in my wedding, and if i asked them, would they even come? Are they the same girls i knew before they moved? My head is spinning, i want to scream and cry at the same time.
I asked one of them, Ashley, why she didnt come see me or let me know she was here. She responded, “I didnt have time to see everyone.” Maybe so, but why did that stop her from sending me a text to let me know they were here? I would have gone to their place to see them. Ive been there a million times, and every time they were here before they wouldnt hesitate, they would come to see me before they saw anyone else.
Post # 3
Two days isn’t that much time. Maybe they had other things going on and wouldn’t have had time to get together anyway.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza
Do you know why they were in the area? My best friend lives near my parents and yes, we text and call each other frequently, but sometimes when I only have two days in area and I am coming up specifically for a family function I won’t tell her because I know she will want to get together and I feel guilty knowing that I just don’t have the time. (Holy run-on sentence batman!)
Post # 5
I rarely see my best friend when I’m in town to visit my family. As much as I love her, she isn’t high on the priority list when I want to spend time with my family. I vote to try to get over it and move on.
Also, are these the friends you mentioned in past posts?
Post # 6
@Sheepshead: yeah lets see if you wouldnt be thinking the same thing if your whole life you were an outcast, by everyone including family, you had two best friends, about four lesser friends, and one lover who actually wanted to be around you, and all of your lesser friends got married without telling you, your two best friends came into town, one after over a year and didnt tell you, and so the only person you have is your lover, plus you have the stress of a full time job, a home renovation, and a wedding hanging over your head. Yeah, nothing to feel horrible about.
Post # 7
no, they are not the same friends. These two are like my sisters. Or at least i thought they were.
They were here for their 22nd birthdays. There are pics on Facebook from a party they had at their house. Would one more person have really made things more difficult?
Post # 8
I moved away from home and go home frequently. The list of people i would like to see is never ending, but I have a big family and my parents are divorced, so sometimes I don’t get to see any of my friends when I’m home. There is a lot of pressure on your when you tell your friends you are coming home, so sometimes I don’t. I love them dearly, but i feel incredibly guilty when they say “let me know if you have time to hang out” when I know I won’t. So, I just don’t say anything. Don’t take it personally.
Post # 9
I agree with everyone else – this isn’t something to hate your life over. You are disappointed, yes. But don’t take it so hard or view this in a negative light. These girls are sisters, is that correct? They may have been in town for a family-related reason and not just visiting for pleasure. And as everyone has pointed out, two days isn’t a lot of time for visiting.
Before you overreact to this or take it as a personal insult to you, talk with them calmly about it and try to find out why they didn’t contact you to let you know they were in town. But, really, they don’t owe you an explanation, and it may be a personal reason to them.
Try having a bit thicker of a skin going forward or you’re going to have a rough time sustaining friendships and relationships.
A big hug to you – take a deep breath – it will be ok!! I’m sure they will both love being a part of your wedding and will be very happy for you. Treat them the way you would like to be treated by them.
Edit: Just saw you noticed on FB they came for a birthday party – if the party was thrown for them instead of by them they weren’t in control of the guest list for the party, they were attending as the guests-of-honor. It’s possible it was a party for family members only. They may have felt if they couldn’t include ALL of their friends they couldn’t include just one more, either.
Post # 10
I have really good friends when I go home and I’ve been home a few times and have not seen my good friends. I’ve been home and not seen my Maid/Matron of Honor who’s also my freaking cousin. Sometimes there really *isn’t* time to see all the people you love. Especially if they drove a long way; I drive 7.5 hours to see my family and most of the time I’m there I just want to lay on the couch and be with my family. I’d like to see BFF’s, I just don’t have the time/energy and don’t want to lose time with my family.
Post # 11
@Sheepshead: Agreed..actually i have been the one in fault..my “once upon a time best friend ” used to send e-mails everytime she came back home (from a different country) and i used to find excuses to not see her..awful, i know..i love her to pieces and i miss her terribly, everyday, but i feel her life is so completely different from mine, we went in so different directions that i guess i feel maybe she doesn’t need me anymore..sigh..i told her i was getting married this year, very, very afraid of the answer..and when she did answer it blew me away! She’s also getting married this year!!! And we both didn’t knew about each other’s weddings!
Post # 12
I totally agree with PPs.
I haven’t lived in my hometown for nearly 10 years (left for college then moved around quite a bit). Some of the people I consider to be my closest friends still live back home. But, at times my life has been really busy, especially when I was in a very stressful graduate program. There have been times when I’ve gone home for an entire week and all I want to do is just spend time with my family (who I never see either since they are out-of-state) and sleep!
Definitely don’t hold this against your friends! I would be devastated if my friends held what I did against me!
Post # 13
@TheSpoons: I really dont think you need to lash out at Sheep. We all have issues. The majority of us have been through what you are talking about as either the friend visiting or the one sitting at home. And we also all have weddings to plan (some closer than others), full time jobs, children, home recs., etc. If you searched for this topic, I’m sure you will find 100 other posts about girls dealing with this issue.
So, here’s some honesty for you, not because I am trying to brow beat you, but because someone has to tell you: not all friendships work perfectly. People grow up, move on, and friendships change. If these girls moved away and the contact is limited, take it as a sign that it’s time to actively try to find new friendships, and before you go to the “I’m an outcast” reply, let me say that I am/was one too. Join a club, go to church, volunteer, become a regular at a bar or restaurant, take a class, etc. After time, that stuff truly does work in making new friends in your hometown. Will it be your old friends? No. Will it still hurt that your old friendships have changed? Yes. But people grow up and move on. So, again, dont take it personally.
Post # 14
@TheSpoons: I just saw your response posts. I agree with @ohmybears48.
Post # 15
I went back and re-read the whole thread, and things seem pretty clear to me now.
Post # 16
@ohmybears48: +1 to everything you just said!