(Closed) I hate my MOH's +1

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@TheFutureMrsHobbs:  

MOH’s jerk boyfriend:

Are any of your other bridesmaids bringing dates? If so, maybe you can plan an activity for them so MOH’s boyfriend can be preoccupied and away from her. If you’re having a head table without bridal party guests, you can seat him next to one of the other boyfriends/husbands so he has someone to talk to.

Edited to delete part of my response: Totally misread!

Post # 4
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Yikes, she probably wasn’t very receptive because no matter how delicately you tread their relationship is really none of your business, regardless of how concerned you are for her (or for your wedding).

What are you depending on her doing the day of?  I wouldn’t worry about how he chooses to entertain himself before the ceremony, you’ll most likely be getting ready in an entirely different place, right?

You’re right, you do have some months before your wedding – maybe you’re friend will see the light and break it off with him.

You really spend so little time with individual people on your busy wedding day that it won’t matter.  

Post # 5
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@TheFutureMrsHobbs:  I’m sorry, I really don’t think there is anything you can do about this, other than decide where your line is as far as inappropriate behavior goes on the part of them as a couple.  If things get out of hand at the reception between the two of them, it’s time for them to go and that’s that.

You are in no position to dictate who she brings or does not bring, judge the dynamics of their relationship or demand more of her as an Maid/Matron of Honor than she is capable of offering, this day is important for you, as a friend she is certainly aware of that, but let’s not expect people’s personal lives to halt just because of it. 

I’m certain things will be fine the day of your wedding and you are overestimating just how much you are really going to need from anyone, since getting ready and out the door may take a few extra hands for any bride, it certainly isn’t some arduous task.

Post # 6
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@somethingaquamarine:  I think she means she talked to the Maid/Matron of Honor with the jerky boyfriend saying she needed help because the pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t be able to handle as much 🙂

Post # 7
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Did I miss something PP? She said she is going to need her MAID of honors full attention as her MATRON of honor will be 8 1/2 months pregnant. She did not say she was putting a huge load on the pregnant woman.

EDIT: Sorry. This was meant for the person who posted under the OP.

Post # 8
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think the op meant she would be relying on the other Maid/Matron of Honor because the one was going to be very pregnant.

It could just be me, but if anyone ever sat me down and had a “frank” conversation with me about not causing drama at their wedding, my back would be up against the Wall. I’m not a drama kind of person, but that’s just my opinion, you maybe shouldn’t have done that.

The fact is, you don’t have to like her boyfriend, she obviously does. For you to say you hope they split up so he doesn’t intrude on your Big Day sounds very selfish to me.. How would your Maid/Matron of Honor feel if she heard you say that?

If there’s any embarrassing issues at your wedding, you could always ask them to excuse themselves, or have your other Maid/Matron of Honor do that for you.

Post # 9
Member
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@TheFutureMrsHobbs:  I had a similar problem with my MOH’s boyfriend too.  He is and was and will always be a jerk to her and she takes cause she already has a kid with him.  I would say just suck it up, unless you can really talk to her in a nice way and tell her that she cannot bring him toyour wedding.  AFterall, the last thing you need on your day is to worry as to whether or not he is going to start trouble or arguments in front of the rest of your guests.  It sounds like he is a pain even for her, why does she put it with him? (sorry that’s too personal) anyway, try talking to her and tell her how you feel, hopefully she can understand and not have him there. GL

Post # 10
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah I don’t think I’d be receptive either if my BFF hated my Boyfriend or Best Friend and then told me they needed me more than ever that day and told me not to bring any drama. I guess I don’t understand why you need her full, undivided attention? I let my Maid/Matron of Honor take a nap. They really don’t do that much unless you find crap for them to do (crap that they really don’t need to be doing).  There should be other people there to help you, say, the rest of the party?

I don’t think you can tell who she can and can’t invite unless you want drama or to lose your Maid/Matron of Honor. It is a really touchy subject, especially if SHE loves him. She may know you don’t, but you allowed her to bring a +1 and didn’t tell her she couldn’t bring him so she didn’t know.

Post # 12
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@TheFutureMrsHobbs:  Although MOH’s bf sounds like a big, dumb, jerk, try not to let that come through when you talk to her about needing her help.  No one wants to hear (or admit) that their significant other is a doofus.  Maybe you could couch it in terms of you chose her because she means so much to you, and you need her by your side for all of the special moments of your day.  People like to feel needed.

Post # 13
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@mchitt329:  

@Madi.So.Excited:  

@TheFutureMrsHobbs:  Oops, I misread your third paragraph.

Anyway, I think you’re totally right to expect your maid of honor to shoulder most of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties since the matron of honor is going to be really pregnant. Since she seems to have a lot of drama on her hands (that may be present no matter what you do), can you ask your other bridesmaids to pitch in and help out? I think that would save you the headache of hoping your maid of honor will be there for you, and I’m sure your bridesmaids would be more than happy to help a pregnant lady get some rest!

And yes, I do think your solution to have him meet up with your male cousins sounds like a great way to get him out of way. Best of luck! Sorry I initially thought you were a bridezilla!

Post # 16
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@somethingaquamarine:  My work computer is slow to refresh.  I already edited that part of my comment out.  Have a nice day!

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