(Closed) I hate my wedding.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

awe honey, I feel so sad for you… You poor thing!

How can NO ONE listen to you?  Is the wedding you’d want (intimate, low-key, romantic) possible on just the money you have between the two of you? Cuz if I were you I would HATE feeling like I owe the parents involved a quarter of the guest list for contributing to the budget.

Now I know my parents aren’t your parents or your Future In-Laws but I would sit them down and be genuinely honest about how sad and disconnected you feel from an event that’s supposed to be all about you & your future hubs. I know it sounds sticky and possibly intense and I would probably break down and tear up in frustration if it were me but at least they’d take you seriously and probably back off because THEY had THEIR wedding and THIS ONE is YOURS so in no way, shape or form should you feel disconnected from it because they are being overbearing.

I’m sorry, darlin… Idk if you’re religious but I would definitely pray about the best way to speak up, be gracefully honest with your family and regain control without hurting anyone’s feelings instead of just letting the runaway train gain momentum and face a future of always getting a bad taste in your mouth when thinking about your wedding day.


Post # 4
8943 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh girl that’s so stressful.  One of my frends felt the same about her wedding.  Is there any way that you could do a small ceremony with your money and say no to your inlaws money?

Post # 6
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If the planning is stressing you out, why not tell him to plan it since he wants it and you don’t? Obviously you guys should still discuss big things and ideas, but let him deal with the stress of vendors and seating charts and budgeting.

Post # 7
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this! Is there any way you could compromise and have a small, intimate ceremony and have a large reception at a later time that is more traditional (with the dances, cake, etc)? That way you wouldn’t have to walk down the aisle with so many people staring.  My guess would be that if your Fiance is traditional he wouldn’t go for it, though.  Try to talk with your Fiance, marriage is about compromise, after all!

Post # 8
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

In the beginning, I felt like that as well – we didn’t get any money from anyone, but I was just constantly bombarded with everyone else’s ideas and all the etiquette crap. I finally had to get some balls and really take control, and learn how to say NO, I don’t like that, that’s not what I’m going for, etc. That’s about the only advice I can give you – really start saying no. It’s YOUR wedding, and you deserve to make it how you want to. Make sure you put a lot of your personal touches in it so that you can see those and be happy – like with your DIY projects you mentioned. I’m sure it will be beautiful.

As for all the people you don’t even know, I am also going through the same thing. Almost all of my friends and family are not coming, but everyone on earth that Fiance knows is coming. It’s sad… I’m sorry. I don’t have anything helpful for that one. 🙁

Post # 9
2 posts

Feeling so sad for you. Hope you get the strength to discuss with your partner as if he really cares about you he will help you think of a compromise and as you’ll need to be able to compromise or come together on so much in the furure you should start here and now!

Post # 10
1131 posts
Bumble bee

@msfahrenheit:  I could not agree more.

This obviously isn’t what you want. This obviously isn’t making you happy. It is my vow in life that if it isn’t what I want and it isn’t going to make me happy and it has the potential to cause undue stress or hardship between my DH and I then I DON”T DO IT.

I am guessing / hoping that you have not sent out save the dates or invites yet becuase your wedding is so far away. I think you have two options.

1. have Fiance and his family plan the wedding and you get to show up on the date/time/place they decide with your pretty little dress on you only have to endure it for 8-12 hours and you don’t have any of the headache of planning OR

2. Change it and do what you want.

*There is a caviat here. Prehaps if Fiance sees how much work it is to plan a large wedding he will decline and you two can elope someplace perfect and lovely.

EDIT: sorry, there is a third option, keep doing and you are doing and be grumpy and hate your wedding. but honestly, that option kinda sucks, i don’t think you should pick that option.

Post # 11
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m SO TIRED of trying to take the reigns on a wedding that I don’t even want to plan anymore.

Do you have to take control? Maybe you can pass off some of the duties onto Fiance, Maid/Matron of Honor, bridesmaid, etc. 

Post # 12
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m sorry your going through this!  I know it’s probably overwhelming, but do you have a theme?  Do you have a favorite color?  What is something that you and your Fiance have in common?  Take it and run with it, encorporate it into your wedding and it will help make it feel more personal. 🙂  Good luck!

Post # 13
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@InATizzy:  Today I’m reading all these stories that sound similar to mine and how I’m feeling. I’m not at the point where I hate my wedding but it’s definitely not what I wanted.  I absolutely hate spending all of this money on a local wedding when all I wanted was a small cheap destination wedding. We caved to his parents manipulations and I’ve spent the last year being angry and bitter. I’m working so hard to try and get past it but I have moments where it’s really overwhelming. Don’t become me!!!  Try to take over now and get control back.

Post # 15
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I hear ya, I feel the same way.  I’m personally bankrolling fully 30% of a wedding I do not want any parts of, and I have to plan the stupid thing too.

The best thing I did was I decided what I cared about and what I didn’t.  I cared about my dress, I didn’t care about toasting flutes. I cared about the food and open bar, but the cake could be a sheet cake and I’d be fine with it.  I cared about my bouquet, but not about flowers for the church.  And I stuck to it.  I refused to shell out money for stuff I don’t care about. If someone’s going to whine about it and tell me I need it because it’s not a wedding without xyz, I say “if you feel that way, you’re more than welcome to pick it out and buy it, and we’ll use it.”  FMIL’s done this a couple times, and she’s ended up buying a lot of our stuff. She has a tendency to hold it over our heads, but I just very firmly tell her “you bought that because you wanted to, not because we asked you to. We had no intention of buying that. If you thought it was too expensive, you shouldn’t have bought it, and you are more than welcome to return it.” That’s been a good way to keep our budget under control and force people who like to have things to say about it to figure out how much it all costs and understand why I don’t feel a need for a $200 set of toasting flutes.

Is it perfect? Far from it.  Does it make it all a little easier to swallow? Yeah. Not every bride enjoys wedding planning, and that’s ok.  Once you let yourself believe that it’s ok if you just can’t wait to get married already and put the whole hellish planning process behind you it’ll be easier to say “nope, don’t care, not gonna deal with it.”  I get yelled at all the time for telling people I don’t care, but I really don’t.  The only thing I *really* care about for that day is having my best friends around me and seeing Fiance at the other end of the aisle. If that all happens, I’ll consider the day a raving success, regardless of whether the food is dry, the dress gets stained, or the DJ mispronounces our last name.

No matter what, you’re marrying the man you love. That’s what’s really important. The rest of it is nonsense. Focus on that, because that, in the end, is what this is all about.  The money is what it is, but you have the rest of your life to make the money back.  Just try to enjoy the ride as best you can, and know you’ll only do it once. I tell Fiance all the time we better stay together forever, because I sure as hell am NOT planning another wedding, ever!!

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