- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I love my Fiance and I’m not second guessing marrying him at all. It’s the wedding part that I hate.
I’ve never fantasized about the perfect wedding, I only really knew what kind of dress I wanted. I still don’t even really know what I want.
We are recent college grads and we don’t make a lot of money. His parents have offered to help us out which is great, but we are still on a budget.
Originally we were only having family and a handful of friends, most of whom were in the bridal party. Keep in mind that I wanted something small and would have preferred to just GO AWAY and get married somewhere, taking close family, maybe Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, and welcoming anyone who could travel with us. Fiance wanted the traditional celebration and everyone seemed to laugh off my idea (that “do whatever you want but hahaha you can’t be serious” attitude). But then his parents offered to give us some money, and it isn’t a TON but it’s generous and a large percentage of a very stretched budget. So therefore how could we say no to inviting their friends?
Now they are adding in an indefinite number of friends and I’m SO TIRED of trying to take the reigns on a wedding that I don’t even want to plan anymore. It’s making me so depressed, because even though this wedding is NOT what I want, I really don’t KNOW exactly what I want, but no one will listen to me. I can’t get any of my bridesmaids to participate in anything at all, even just HANGING OUT WITH ME outside of wedding things (even though they were all about helping with DIY stuff when everything started… until it came time to actually do it). I feel like we’ve booked a venue, caterer, whatever but nothing feels special or personal about any of it. It’s just like planning any sort of formal party, but it feels like it’s for someone else. And even if I try to talk to Fiance about “how to make it feel like it’s ABOUT US” he doesn’t have anything to say, but really I would have rather just had a backyard reception in the summer, or gone someplace down south and had a small, romantic getaway or something.
I’m not “shy” in the sense that I don’t talk to people, but I’m not totally comfortable with all eyes on me. The fact that we will have 200 people, a quarter of them who I don’t know, staring at me and being “all about me” makes me nervous, and I’m not saying it to be a miserable brat, but I KNOW I will be miserable, if only for being anxious.
I could deal with all of this even if, aside from the contribution from Future In-Laws, it wasn’t my savings/earnings that was going to this wedding. Not that I am trying to be selfish, but I don’t make a TON and I’d love to, say, buy Fiance a better car or put a down payment on a house for us, instead of spending it on a stupid wedding that feels like someone else’s. It’s like this is what everyone (including FI) thinks we HAVE to do, so we’re doing it, even though it’s making me so upset. I’m sure being stressed isn’t helping at all. Fiance doesn’t seem to be able to do anything. It’s either I do it alone, or I do it and he “helps” which really isn’t any help at all. And I’m ending up with a cookie cutter piece of crap wedding that doesn’t feel like OUR wedding. I just wish we could run away and have our “real” wedding over the summer and then put on the show next fall, but of course he isn’t into that either.