(Closed) I hate my wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rcorral:  You’re not overreacting, you have a legitimate problem if your fiance is not helping you with anything and then calling you names like “annoying bitch”. I think you should postpone the wedding, quite frankly. It’s not what you want and your fiance is not acting like someone you should want to be legally tied to for the rest of your life.

Post # 19
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

@rcorral:  You are not over reacting. This is your WEDDING honey, you should enjoy it at least a little.

Maybe you should try talking to your fiance again and suggest a quick, quiet elopement to Yosimite before the giant disaster that’s giving you fits. Just you, them, a few friends to witness and a justice of the peace where you wanted to be in the first place.

Calm, quiet, neat and done.

Then there will be the great big farce for everyone else and you can be quietly smug about having the wedding you wanted, despite it all, whenever your struck with the ‘i hate my wedding’ blues.

 

Post # 20
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Uhhh.. Your fiancé is not coming across well AT ALL in your post. I really hope you’re skewing the events a little but if you’re not, uh, I don’t know. He doesn’t sound great.

Post # 22
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ah ok. It sucks this time if your life isn’t what you imagined. If there’s no going back just trudge on forward. Any friends or family that could help you out a little? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Post # 23
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@rcorral:  Wow you sound exactly like me a couple of months ago!!! It’s hard planning a wedding on your own. What I soon noticed was EVERYONE has an opinion when it comes to weddings! I’m walking down the aisle in the wrong order, I have to pay for jewellery for the whole bridal party, my wedding band doesnt look like a wedding band blah blah blah. I actually countered 15 things that my sister has said I have got wrong during the planning process.

I got really stressed out. I mean, REALLY bad. Fiance and I were fighting ALOT. I started to resent him because I was planning the wedding on my own. The reality was that I had my own vision, I just wanted him to agree!! Probably because no-one else would agree with me. A couple of months ago Fiance told me he would cancel the wedding if I kept stressing out. It wasn’t worth the strain it was putting on our relationship. I don’t think he meant it, but it did make me realise that I needed to calm down.

Now I give myself small goals. This month I am sorting out the rings and flowers. Next month I am paying money towards the venue and booking the cars. You may have less time than me but if you do the same, break everything up into manageable tasks, you will be fine and start to enjoy it more. I enjoy ticking things off of my To Do list.

 

As for letting go of your ‘fantasy’, see if you can incorporate any of your dreams ideas into the new wedding. I am not having my fantasy wedding because of finances, but I am including those bits that I can afford and fit in with the wedding I am planning. It’s not all a lost cause.

At the end of the day, it is just that – one day. You will be marrying your Fiance and that is by far the most important thing. thats what I try to remember when I am picking one centrepiece over another because its a bit cheaper.

Post # 24
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@rcorral:  Does he often curse at you when he’s experiencing some type of inner insecurity/turmoil that is actually his own fault? You don’t have to answer here, but think about the answer and what it means for you and your relationship. 

Post # 25
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I know weddings are stressful and all but it really doesn’t sound like *your* wedding. If your dream wedding is attainable, I would postpone and reschedule for the one you want. Who cares what everyone else wants? If no one comes because it’s not up to their standards then they are incredibly selfish. If your fiance doesn’t want to help with the planning then he shouldn’t be able to complain when you make your own decisions. There’s nothing wrong with bumping back the date if you can do it financially.

Post # 26
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t exactly “hate” my wedding but I struggle with it b/c my fiance wants it and I would have preferred to elope.  But every time I talk to him about it, he listens and offers to help and says things that calm me down and make me realize that I’m doing this because it’s important to him and will make him so happy.  (And I suspect that I’ll have fun at the wedding too.)

After we have these conversations, *I’m* the one who’s saying that I’m being an annoying bitch; he always tells me I’m being fine and that he wants to help and support me.  If he told me that I was being an annoying bitch, well, it would shatter my heart in a thousand pieces.  Regardless of whether your Fiance apologized after saying that, why would you tolerate someone who speaks that way to you in the first place?  No matter how angry he gets, he shouldn’t speak to you that way.

Post # 27
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@rcorral:  he is being really immature and rude. He needs to handle his own family’s demands, be a united front with you. 

Could you postpone the wedding and make it the one that you want? 

 

As a side note, it is totally inappropriate that he would call you an “annoying bitch” for voicing your concerns. He sounds like a big baby.

Post # 28
Member
3975 posts
Honey bee

@rcorral:  Hugs. Hun, I know exactly how you felt. My original wedding vision fell through, tons of people wanted different things. The new wedding is all right. Keep in mind MOST people don’t get their fantasy weddings – even many of the beautiful weddings you saw on blogs are a product of compromise. I know because I was a wedding photographer and knew the back story of my clients. Anyway, while the situationw wasn’t ideal, and I ended up shouldering almost all the work until the following tactics worked for me:

 

– Prioritize. Some things just don’t matter. Your favors don’t have to look perfect, no one is going to know you didn’t match them to names. Leave them as is. 

 

– Put your foot down when it comes to RSVPS – YOU HAVE NO MORE ROOM. Just start telling them that the venue is full. NO MORE GUESTS. NO MORE PLUS ONES. SORRY you’d love to invite everyone but you can’t. Be firm. If you’re paying for the wedding, you have an RSVP deadline, that’s it. No one should be allowed to add any guests, tell them you’ve already sent the final count to your caterer and they do not have a seat, sorry, but the RSVP deadline existed for a reason.

 

– I noticed you’re in the LA region. There are plenty of rental companies who can get you tables and chairs. Check out Apex Rentals

 

– Write out a list of everything to-do that is left and also the consequence of what happens when it is not done. For example, “Source music and amplifier or the dinner will be silent and boring” and present this list of to-dos to your fiance and anyone else who should be helping out. Assign an item to each person. If they can’t help, then let everyone know that this will NOT happen at the wedding. I was able to get my FI’s mother to help me out massively once people started realizing I couldn’t do all of this on my own.

 

– Ignore anyone who says that you are doing it wrong. Just smile and say thanks for their opinion and move on. They should get the hint, and if they don’t, ignore / don’t hang out with them. 

 

I felt such a big burden off my shoulders when I just started cutting these things out and ignoring people. focus on your health – you only have ONE life and one body, you come first!

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