(Closed) I Hate My Wedding Already

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
47445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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coachhw:  Save your money and pay for your dream wedding yourselves. It’s not realistic to expect your parents to hand over $12,000 and not have some say in how it is spent.

Post # 3
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If your parents provide money they have a say. Otherwise, pay your own way. 

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If your parents are paying for the wedding they do get to have a say so if you are dead set on the wedding of your vision you need to put it off and save so you can pay for the whole thing 

Post # 5
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

We having ours closee to Nashville too! Look into Southern kentucky to save money and check out local shops for catering.

I think it’s best to find things you personally want rather than what everyone thinks you want. This is your day, not theirs. I struggle constantly with this and it’s come down to putting my own wants or needs in front. It sounds selfish but if it makes the planning go smoother and it gets what you need done, go for it. 😉 

good luck sister!

Post # 6
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Ouch…this is a tough one :/  I would sit down and have an adult conversation with them. Draw up a pice sheet of different priced venues and wedding options and SHOW her what each would look like. Be up front with her and say that you are thrilled and so thanful that they are willing to help pay for the wedding but it’s extremly hurtful to you that they are making you feel guilty about it. Say that if they can’t afford it, you would be happy to just elope but you cant dance jump through hoops everytime money is brought up. If this doesn’t work, you might just be happer eloping.  With them paying for it they DEFINITELY have a say in things but they shouln’t be in control, it is your wedding afterall but make sure they feel included in everything. 

This aside, if your budget is $12,000 I would NOT spend $4,000 on the venue, it will be nearly impossible to afford everything else, especially catering. 

Have you looked into local parks? You can also contact people with private ranches or estates (had a friend get their venue on AirBnB) Just some ideas, good luck!!

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by Profile Photo BritneyK.
Post # 7
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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coachhw:  I’m in the camp that if your parents are giving you $12,000 to spend on YOUR wedding, then you should be able to spend it on YOUR wedding the way YOU want. I think it’s bullshit that they think because they are OFFERING to give money, that they want to control how you spend it???? It’s ridiculous and I notice it happens a lot as I’ve read many threads from brides complaining about the same situtation. If I were you, I’d put the wedding off even longer in order to save your own money with your fiance and do what you want since your parents want to play the controlling card. 

Post # 8
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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BritneyK:  That’s not necessarily true about the not spending $4000 on venue with budget of $12,000. My dream venue took up more than half of our budget and it wasn’t an issue. I just had to budget less on other things to make it work, which I didn’t mind since I really wanted the venue we picked. 

Post # 9
Member
6921 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Agree with most of the others – if your parents are giving you 12000 to spend, then they get to at least give you input in what they want.  That said, it’s your wedding.  If you don’t want them to have a pull, don’t take the money.  Alternatively, you can suggest that they pay for a specific thing.  My parents wanted to help and I didn’t want to ask.  In the end we came up with the same solution: they bought the beer/drinks and any leftovers went home with them since my husband and I don’t like beer.

I found this website, which may be useful: http://www.cheapwaysto.com/weddings/10-cheap-nashville-wedding-venues/  I don’t know what your vision is (aside from eloping), but with any luck one of these will fit it.  Take your honeymoon in Santa Fe anyway (says the New Mexican)

and if being vegetarian is important to you, go for it.  You can usually pull off some great catered meals that no one will even realize is veggie.  Samosas, anyone?  Your mom can have a chicken sandwich on her own time.  Although you may want to consider, depending on your reason to be a vegetarian, that carnivores give a veggie dish at their wedding and it may be polite to do the reverse.

Post # 10
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I think you will never please everyone. It’s a very generous offer but would they ultimately be happy if you were unhappy on the day? I had a lot of similar issues and eventually they saw I was unhappy with what was happening and started to compromise. I don’t know if the typical budget is different in the US from the UK but that seems an average proportion of the budget for the venue. Essentially this is your wedding and they have had theirs. Sometimes you just have to be a little selfish. To offer money in exchange to plan the wedding seems a little selfish in itself. In my opinion it is a gift to help you along and shouldn’t be a tool to get their own way.

Post # 11
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, that sounds super frustrating. It seems like you probably need to plan the wedding that you want and plan on paying for it by yourselves. They may have offered the money, but it doesn’t really seem available to you. I don’t understand why your parents would offer you $12,000 and then not want to spend any of that on the reception? Where do they think that most of the wedding budget goes? I had similar issues with my parents and ultimately decided not to take their money, because it would have meant a year of fighting and compromises that would make me miserable. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding; they’ll get over it, but you’ll have to live with it as your one and only wedding day.

Post # 12
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry, I’m firmly in the camp that believes if you want everything your way, you need to pay for it yourself. It depends a little bit on your parents, but clearly yours want a say for their money.

I would ask for the money upfront and tell your parents firmly but politely that you consider the money a gift and it does not mean they get to have an input into the planning process. See how they respond, and you’ll know if you need to go it alone…

Post # 13
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
coachhw:  Definitely don’t give in to serving meat at your wedding! My fiance and I are vegan and we are only catering vegan food at our wedding. Vegan (and vegetarian in your case) food is absolutely delicious when the right caterers are chosen, and is very inclusive of a lot of people’s diets. We are going to have incredible food, where people won’t think they’re “missing out on anything” because it’ll be so delicious. I don’t think people would be offended at all if meat wasn’t served at the wedding of two vegetarians. My thoughts are that our wedding event is the celebration of two people who share the same values as each other and love each other for who they are. It would absolutely go against our morals to serve food that is not vegan at our wedding. Our guests are there to support our marriage and values, and we are inviting them to celebrate and share that for a few hours. And besides, it’s only one meal! People can deal if they aren’t “getting their meat”, it’ll actually do favors to their health! 

Post # 14
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

Wait.  Do you have $0 to put toward the wedding?  Then why shouldn’t you use the “beautiful” (as you called it) home church of your fiance for FREE??  Use that $12G making it GLAM!!

I prefer indoor weddings anyway.  Every single outdoor wedding I’ve been at has been uncomfortable for one reason or another – too cold, too hot, too bright, too windy, can’t hear the ceremony, raining cats and dogs, etc.  

P.S. I vote with your mom to include a meat dish.  Just because you and your husband are vegetarian does not mean everyon else is (or should be).

Post # 15
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

I’m in the other camp – that money is a gift to you to spend on your wedding, no theirs. If they offer it to you then their should not be any conditions o how you use it. Yes everyone will have an opinion, but ultimately that all money is going to get used up and it can be used have the wedding you and your Fiance want or the wedding they want. Someone is going to be unhappy in this and quite frankly it shouldn’t be you. 

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