(Closed) I Hate one of my bridesmaids LONG

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like she would be better suited to the role of Junior Bridesmaid since she is so young. How would that idea sit? If not, you may just have to suck it up, be the bigger person, and just ignore some of her comments.

Post # 18
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I have to add that I do think she should still be expected to pay for the bridal shower: thats part of being a bridesmaid! She probably can’t afford her dress either- so should that be the brides job to pay for? I don’t think thats fair. The Future Mother-In-Law pushed for her to be in the wedding and therefore should be the one who is footing the bill if the 15 year old can’t afford it. Why is it fair that she gets the title of bridesmaid when she is contributing financially to the shower or emotonally to the bride!

Being in a wedding is expensive: i don’t care how old you are. And if you can’t afford it you shouldn’t be it!

Sorry thats a bit of a personal rant but it’s one of my biggest pet peeves in the wedding world.

Post # 19
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@Miss CuppyCake:I think it would be reasonable to expect the girl’s mother to pay for any expenses, but not necessarily the girl.  I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who was 16 (my only female cousin) and her parents paid for all wedding related expenses.  This girl doesn’t sound like she’s that much into the wedding – more like she was pushed into it.  I don’t see the point in making her feel bad that she can’t financially contribute – she’s only 15!  From the sounds of it, she probably doesn’t care if she has the title of Bridesmaid or Best Man – it’s more like being in a wedding to keep the peace in the family.

Post # 20
Member
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think its a different story if an adult, grown woman accepts the responsibility of being a bridesmaid when she can’t afford it. I think its a totally different story when a 15 year old girl who doesn’t have a job is expected to contribute the same amount of money as adults with jobs and understanding of the role of a bridesmaid. I don’t think a 15 year old understands the financial aspects of being a bridesmaids and its unfair to think she would. I agree that the Future Mother-In-Law should pitch in for the dress, but honestly, I think its ridiculous to expect a 15 year old to pay for a shower. Yes, in an ideal world the Future Mother-In-Law should pay for it, but honestly, her bridesmaids were expecting to split it between themselves before the Future Mother-In-Law insisted her daughter be a bridesmaid, so its not like they are paying any more than they would have anyways. I would never impose such financial burden on a kid. 

Post # 21
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I may be way off base here, but it almost sounds like this whole situation is stemming from the fact that you dont understand her and you resent being guilted into including her, not from her actual behavior. I agree with some of the PPs that she should not be expected to contribute financially. Your Future Mother-In-Law needs to take care of those expenses, especially since she’s the one that insisted on including her.

She sounds a lot like the girls I hung out with as a young teen. We were all kind of odd and nerdy. When you have a personality like that, it tends to make you very socially awkward. It sounds like that is a large part of her issue.

Post # 22
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

in OPs defense, she did not say that she hates her FSIL! she said she hates that she is in the wedding. two very different things.  i do think its too late to bump her out.  i have a bridesmaid i regret asking just because i am not as close with her as used to be, am having a small wedding, and my ratio of Bridesmaid or Best Man to Groomsmen is 6:2.  but alas, i did what i did and have to live with it. you will have to the same.  but also, i don’t think you need to include her in every Bridesmaid or Best Man get together you have with your other BMs. aside from her getting a dress, you can do your other wedding stuff without her around and she probably wouldn’t care being that she is 15 and likely doesn’t get the importance of everything you have to do.

she will definitely be to young to attend your Bachelorette party, so you have that to look forward to. i think you just need to focus on the things that make you happy and don’t pay much attention to things that don’t. its not something you really have control over anymore that she is your wedding, so just focus your attention elsewhere…..i understand how you feel as i did something i quite regret too. i agreed to my Bridesmaid or Best Man having her wedding 2 days after mine..in Jamaica.  at first i thought it would be fun, but now i just don;t like it anymore.  i wanted everyone to be there for me, and now they are there for 2 weddings (we have a lot of overlap in friends) and i feel like it makes my wedding less special somehow.  but there is nothing i can do, except i am only thinking about my wedding and how amazing that day will be.

Post # 23
Member
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
@Sassy5412: The title of her post is “i hate one of my bridesmaids” so I can’t speak for the other poster who commented on that, but the title is what I was referring to. I’m not quite sure how you can interpret the title to mean something other than she hates her fiance’s sister. So she might not have stated that specifically in her post, but its in the title.

Post # 24
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@Sassy5412:I take the title “I hate one of my bridesmaids” to mean that she hates the person.  She didn’t say “I hate that I included this person as my bridesmaid” or “I wish I didn’t ask my Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid.”  She basically said she hates her bridesmaid.

Post # 25
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Sassy5412:  The subject of the post says “I HATE one of my bridesmaids”

Post # 27
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

haha, yes i realized the title right after i posted. but what she wrote in her OP “It’s just things like that are making me hate having her in the wedding”  and i could relate to hating something you have no more control over now, but once did. so i understood the sentiment was that she hates having her in the wedding and not that she hates her as a person (as a person, she just said she was weird)

 

Post # 28
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes, her mother should step up to the plate, and your Maid/Matron of Honor should be the one addressing it,  it shouldn’t be your problem to deal with.

Post # 29
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think Jr. Bridesmaid sounds good. All she needs to do is have a dress and show up. I don’t know if you already said if her dress was purchased, but I think she could have a dress in the same color but maybe different style since she is so much younger. I think that she said it 5 times might be her way of saying I’m really uncomfortable with this style. 

As for bridal showers..I don’t think she should have to contribute. I mean she’s 15. Like other bees have said, at 15 I wouldn’t have been able to contribute much or anything. I would take this time to kind of take her under your wing, help he see how much fun this can be, and really use it as a bonding moment.  I bet if you talked with her one on one…she’d probably tell you she’s as uncomfortable with being in the wedding (seeing as she doesn’t have anything in common with her peers let alone having anything in common w/ you and other bridesmaids)  as you are with having her in it.

Post # 30
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I usually try not to comment on posts like these, but I can’t help it this time, and I’m gonna say it straight.

It is weird that you are calling a 15 year old weird. You are 25 years old… this is a child. Of course you don’t have anything in common with her.  I know the “it’s all about me” theme that surrounds weddings can cloud our judgment… but try to have some perspective.

Tthis child is your fiance’s sister, and is going to be a member of your family.  You sound like a high school bully.  Shame on you.

Post # 31
Member
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@Pink Bubbalicious:

This is just my personal opinion, but I don’t think you should write your future sister in law off just because she is ten years younger than you. You may not be close right now, but there is definitely potential in the future once she grows up a little bit for you two to have a good relationship. My sister and I are 8 years apart and we are best friends. I’d hate to see that this experience, which may be sour for both of you, to ruin that potential. And I am not trying to be harsh, but honestly, it really is your job to reach out to her.  15 isn’t a baby, but she is just a kid, you can’t really expect her to reach out to you.  I think you can have a relationship with her if you try. You may not be the best of friends right now, but if you try to be her friend and someone she can talk to, you might be surprised at the type of relationship you can have with her as she grows up more. 

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