Post # 1
I am a nice young lady who loves her boyfriend and I cannot wait to marry him. We are very open and honest about our engagement. We are choosing my ring together through a private jeweler and we are constantly talking about the wedding, where it will be, who will be there, etc. We chose to make this an open discussion and because of this I have really taken to planning and discussing my plans with him and a few people I am relatively close with. We have been together 3 1/2 years and an engagement is inevitable.
I truly enjoy anything involving weddings. I am going to school to be a photographer and I want to photograph weddings some day. I also have taken a strong enjoyment in wedding details and decor.My love of photography and weddings met when I discovered wedding blogs such as style me pretty and Green Wedding shoes. I want to be able to capture images like these along with have a wedding just as beautiful. I have enjoyed art and crafting throughout my life and took more to art classes in high school then any other class.
SO WHY…. is it that when I talk about things like this with my coworker, who is engaged, my other coworkers think it is their business to drop in on the conversation and come down on me for apparently being so trivial. Which whatever, I enjoy discussing the fact that we are working on an engagement and we are trying to pick out my ring. With the ring though, I am having a difficult time finding the right ring while keeping it within our budget and there are other circumstances while working with a private jeweler that I must take into consideration, so it is taking me longer to decide and find what I want.
Well one of my older coworkers seems to think that I only care about having a wedding and not about being joined in marriage. She makes snide comments about how I spend my money and about other things enjoy. This really bothers me. Today we were discussing how I am having a hard time picking out the right ring and the older coworker says that it doesn’t matter because I’m going to change my mind anyways, that I’m going to be the girl who brings a million people dress shopping so someone can tell me what to wear and that I’m just going to want a larger carat weight too.
Then another one of my coworkers makes the comment that I am going to be a bridezilla when I get engaged. Excuse the F out of me but I do my research when it comes to expensive things such as these. I am not about to just purchase some piece of crap and watch it fall apart in a week. Also, you may think that weddings are trivial but I am very excited to be marrying my absolute best friend and I care about this event and so does boyfriend. He has made it very clear that he does not want something small, he does not want to go to the court house and that he doesn’t want to elope. We are having a wedding and I like weddings and WHY OH WHY does that make me a bridezilla.
I hate people. Sorry, this just really made me angry.
Post # 4
Forget about them. Enjoy your day when it comes and enjoy the marriage after that. Every bride is super excited about her wedding or possible wedding. It’s just how we are! A day where we get to dress up and have it be all in honor of US and the man that we love? What isn’t to love?
Post # 5
I don’t think you’re overboard at all. It’s great both you and FH are invested in your wedding and marriage emotionally and want it to be a day you’ll always remember as so special and unique to you two, I don’t see what’s wrong with that.
Two things pop into my mind to make this problem go away: One, if someone says something snarky to you ask “Why would you say that?” and put them on the spot. Someone else gave that advice here on the Bee once and I haven’t had opportunity to use it yet, but I love it! LOL! Two, as much as it would suck because I know you’re excited, but avoid talking about wedding related things around these people. Maybe you and the other engaged coworker could have wedding coffee dates or exchange emails so that the annoying ones don’t eavesdrop?
I’m glad you came here to vent, that’s what we’re here for!
Post # 6
I hate people too!LOL
It wasn’t overboard, but ignore them. People hear a woman discuss wedding and she’s automatically a bridezilla and don’t let her be waiting on an engagement! Then she’s the crazy wanna be bridezilla nevermind the fact that the MAN brought up marriage and engagement first.
Post # 7
Thanks girls! I can’t help but let it bother me. Especially because they hear me talk about 14k vs. 18k gold, diamond color, clarity, cut and cost and other things and they think that being educated on those things makes me a snob or something. I never realized being educated on a particular subject makes me a bad person.
@bakerella: I do need to use the “Why would you say that?” I will try it next time!
@MsMamaBear: Glad someone understands 😉 It is always a double standard isn’t it. You can never win!
@kfricke89: There is nothing to love and that is what I don’t get. But the older coworker is the one who said when her son got married she tried to give him the money for a down payment on a house because she thinks weddings are a waste of money.
Post # 8
I used to get the samething allllll the time as well. I have always loved LOVED loved weddings..the details, the romance EVERYTHING. So i always talked about them, helped people with them etc. and it made me so happy…sort of. My family and sisters mainly ragged on my “obsession” with weddings, and when i was ready to marry my then boyfriend they had all the nasty comments you can think of “of course you are…you are so obsessed….we are sooo worried about you, what will happen when the wedding is over” so cruel. Then when i was wedding planning oI got the bridezilla comment as well…from my own mother!!!
Anyways…it wont end *laugh* Not to be cruel. But just push all that crud aside! Im now a wedding planner and couldnt be happier!
Post # 9
@Baileyh: I am sorry that your family trivialized something you loved so much like that. I feel the same way. What is it about weddings the people come out so strongly for or against? I really enjoy the planning, the romance, and the research. What is wrong with that?
Post # 10
I work with people like this and my advise is to let it roll off your back. Some people like to “rain” on others happiness because they have nothing better to do. Opinions are just that opinions and I would politely ignore theirs. 🙂
Post # 11
@MsBrooklynA: I’m sorry you have such obnoxious co-workers! Don’t mind them. There are so many people that don’t understand the e-ring thing (IMO). Some people don’t mind upgrading in the future, and some people want to keep their original e-ring no matter what. To each his own. I believe that if you take your time and really do your research, you can find a ring that you will love forever and suits you AND your budget.
Doing your homework when it comes to your e-ring is essential in order to get a quality piece that will withstand the test of time. Most people don’t understand how long it may take to have a finished product while working with a local jeweler. It’s definitely not the same as going to a mall store, picking out a ring, and having it sized. Your efforts will certainly pay off when that ring is on your finger and is in great shape years from now!
Being engaged is not just about the ring as marriage is not just about the wedding. While the ring and the wedding are certainly wonderful aspects of promise and matrimony, they’re only a small part of it. The older coworker sounds very superficial. If she cares more about the wedding and acts like you’re going to change your ring every now and then as your style changes, she’s definitely materialistic.
Enjoy the time you’re spending with your SO planning your engagement, wedding, and future together! Forget about anyone who tries to bring you down! You’ll never get these moments back.
Post # 12
It’s just amazing to me how easily some people butt in/give their opinions/insult other people. I think it’s smart to do your research and strech your budget as far as you can and get something amazing. There’s always going to be people to rain on your parade, whether it’s because they’re jealous, or Debbie Downers, or just mean and spiteful. I like the one suggestion of “Why would you say that” as a response. May be the best response I’ve heard for that sort of nonsense.
Post # 13
Don’t let them steal your joy! There’s nothing wrong in being happy and excited about your engagement/wedding/marriage, etc.
The only thing I will say is that when you’re *not* in that process, it can get old/boring to hear about it constantly. Maybe work on having other things to talk to them about? But if you’re not even talking to them about it, and they’re butting into your convos with your friend, then they need to mind their own damn business.
Post # 14
@ChicChick: She’s actually not and I think that is part of it. She thinks I spend my money on dumb things and she thinks that weddings are a waste of money. She thinks I am superficial and that I am always going to want bigger and better because I am having a hard time making a decision. She thinks all I want is the big wedding.
I don’t understand why people feel it is their place to judge so harshly what you do on a daily basis but don’t even have the wherewithall to ask a question or two before you start spouting off about how crappy of a human being I am.
Thank you girls for reminding me that their opinions are not important and that I am doing the right thing by doing a lot of research before we buy. I just wish these people wouldn’t be so rude. I guess I shall take this as a learning experiance for when we actually are engaged!
Post # 15
@MsBrooklynA: Ok. Sorry I misunderstood. But this is about YOUR engagement, and YOUR wedding. It’s about YOU and your SO so who cares what your co-worker thinks?
This is your e-ring and wedding we’re talking about. Who cares if she thinks you spend your money on dumb things? Your money and what you do with it is none of her gosh darn business.
Also, I’m someone who wouldn’t want to “upgrade” my e-ring later in life. . .I guess I’m a sentimental schmuck. That said, I totally understand the importance of taking your time and being a bit picky when it comes to your e-ring. . .it’s something you’ll wear for the rest of your life!
Post # 16
It definitely bothers me when people get nosy. I especially hate it when I am talking about my future engagement (inevitable–we have already talked a lot about it) and people look at me like I’m crazy because I don’t have a ring yet. What is the difference between someone in a 4 year relationship with a ring or someone who has dated for less than a year with a ring–I know my Boyfriend or Best Friend more than anyone else I know and we know we are getting married, so why can I not talk about it?? People are rude…